Cheap Thrills is aptly titled – it’s a prime slice of ‘80s one-day-wonder porn, shot on a couple of threadbare sets and a largely non-existent script – but you know, there’s a lot of sex, and it’s all hot, so what’s to complain about? ‘70s holdover Rhonda Jo Petty is top-billed as one of four aspiring models who kill time while waiting for an audition by talking about their latest sexcapades. Rhonda J is up first, and right away we’re off to the Land of Flashback, where she’s resting after a long photo shoot with mustachioed meathead Jeff Scott and the Prince of Darkness himself, George Payne (looking more fresh-from-the-grave than usual). George bitches up a storm about the lack of chairs in Rhonda’s pad, so she decides to shut him up by sucking his cock. Fucking soon follows, first just Rhonda and George, then Rhonda and Jeff (George, we may assume, took five to set the place on fire or kick a few dogs), and then all three at once, which wraps with a sparkly pop shot on Rhonda Jo’s big, blousy Farrah face and another on her dumpling derriere. Not to be outdone in the afternoon delight department, Euroslag Marita Ekberg recalls a frenzied girl-on-girl frig with bedbuddy Heather Thomas (no, not the chick from Fall Guy, but rather a chunky mallrat dirty blonde with a pouty rack). Their square-off is fairly forgettable, mostly because Heather and Marita aren’t much by way of looks, but thankfully for your dick, Susan Hart is up next. One of the most enthusiastic and naturally attractive poon players of the ‘80s (she looks a bit like Linda Blair circa Savage Streets), Hart gets the longest scene in the movie, and her flawless body and eager mouth are put to excellent use. Too bad she’s partnered with a hot-wired Joey Silvera (“Let’s get brunch! Come on, let’s go get an omelet! You want eggs? Let’s get some eggs!”) and Marita (again…) in a three-way, but you know, it coulda been Ron Jeremy, Sulka, and Long Jeanne Silver in the room with her, and she still would’ve gotten you to pop your cork. That’s how hot Susan Hart is, and her sexual joie de vivre makes this disc a definite keeper.

Unfortunately, it’s back to reality after that slice of bliss, and the final vignette goes to Heather Thomas, who distracts businessman/daddy George Payne (playing another role, I guess) by slobbering on his cock and riding it till he sprays her freckled front end. After that, um… something happens where the head of the audition (some bearded cat who looks like Jeff Lynne) comes out and tells them that he’s going to “look elsewhere,” whereupon the girls tie him up and launch into a full-blown lesbian munchout. Doesn’t make much sense, but you’ve got to admit that it’s a memorable way to wrap up a picture.

Video-X-Pix’s DVD includes trailers for Blue Jeans (with a bespectacled Jerry Butler) and Female Athletes, starring the loves of my life, Annette Haven and Desiree Cousteau. Sigh. A slideshow gallery of ‘70s starlets winding themselves up into a frenzy is also included.