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NAVY GIRLS LIKE SEMEN Starring Sative Rose, Lucy Lee, Tyla Wynn Directed by Martin Del Toro
Colossal Entertainment |
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“I’m not gonna rock my pussy outta my socket!”
Of
course, we don’t care about the reality of porn here – we just wanna see
some fucking. But unfortunately, this is a routine strokefest with
decidedly average looking chicks – Ms. Lucy’s Body By the Beverly Hills
College of Surgeons is pretty delicious, but Europoon Sharon Wild, black
gal Marie Luv, and cockeyed Tyla Wynn (who devotes her segment of the
extras to bouncing around spastically and slagging male porn stars who
can’t stay hard) are straight B- students at best, if you know what I
mean. And the added wrinkle of having the guys fire their wads onto a
glass table for the ladies to lap up like so much spilt milk is at best
goofy and at worst retarded and somewhat disgusting. That’s just me,
though – I won’t speak for your personal preference regarding the place of
glass furniture in porn. Me, I’m just gonna watch my driving when I’m
passing through the Valley. If Lucy Lee gets this pissed off over missing
a ride, I’d hate to think what might happen if someone cut her off on the
freeway. |
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The best part of this by-the-books spuzz fest from Colossal comes not in
the film itself, but in the lengthy extras, which offers not only the
priceless above quote (delivered by Sativa Rose in reference to how many
films she’s made lately), but also a glimpse of feline-faced Asian
spunklet Lucy Lee chewing out a still photographer for nearly making her
miss her ride home. Lucy’s spat occurs while she’s getting double-fucked
by two beefy studs, who yank their puds in mute confusion as Lucy
undergoes her meltdown and look for all the world like their decision to
turn down that gig at Guitar Center might’ve been a misguided one. If
there is a more telling glimpse at the reality of porn – that it’s sweaty,
tiring, difficult as hell (especially for the dudes), and about as
gonzo-sexy as open heart surgery – then I’d love to see it.