SALAD EATING SLUTS
Starring Mya Diamond, Simony, Vanessa Hall, Linda Shane, Veronica Carso
Directed by Ricasso
Colossal

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Do carrots make you horny? How about eggplant? Tomatoes? Root vegetables of any kind? Well, if they do, your fetish ship has come in, my fine freaky friend, because Salad Eating Sluts is all about girls who are driven into a sexual frenzy by the sight of produce. For the rest of us, yeah, it’s a pretty retarded premise on which to hang a wall-to-wall fuckfest, but at least the girls are hot. First up is Veronica Carso, a long-limbed, caramel-colored slice of Eurocooze with the most alluring overbite, and after half-assedly peeling a carrot for thirty seconds, she’s whipping off her maid’s outfit and rubbing that big ole carrot on her pussy. Director Ricasso almost makes a fatal error in having Veronica pour what appears to be creamy Italian or ranch dressing all over herself, whereupon a faceless stud stumbles into the room and snacks out on her greasy, dressing-slated twat. I’ve gotta tell you that the idea of that nearly made me gag – I mean, think about it for a second – but thankfully, Veronica’s cleaned up in the next shot, and takes a fierce pounding from Mr. Anonymous Cock, including anal and a facial pop shot.

The rest of SAS pretty much follows this formula – girl gets hot over vegetables, naked guy shows up in her house and fucks her -- with little variation aside from the veggies and the number of dudes. I was particularly partial to Mya Diamond, a streamlined sex engine who looks like the Amerasian version of Famke Janssen, and who gets lightly seasoned with olive oil before her doughy partner bangs her brains out; also high on the Degenerate’s love list is… I think her name’s Veronica Jane – there are no fucking credits in the movie save for the title card – but she’s a scrappy little brunette (also with a fetching overbite – fuck those dental appointments, ladies!) with reform school written all over her, and who gets a passionate scene with an eggplant before she’s fucked all over her kitchen. Delicious. Oh, Vanessa Hall gets hammered in a DP scene, but you know, DPs are kinda faggy. Stick with the boy-girl stuff and you can’t go wrong.

Extras include a hilarious scene with director Ricasso failing miserably to get Veronica Carso (who speaks no English) to grasp a masturbation joke involving a salad dressing bottle (the scene doesn’t show up in the final product), and Mr. R chatting with Vanessa Hall while she enjoys a post-DP smoke. ____________________________________________________________

-The Ultimate Degenerate