I Dig ‘Em in Pigtails 2 is superior jailbait-themed crazytown smut from the Acid Rain meat grinder. Actually, the full girls-school-sinners theme isn’t played to its full potential – Nikki Hilton and Holly Wellin sorta mutter about wishing that their daddy would spank them, and Georgia Peach groans out a monologue about how much she enjoys having guys yank on her pigtails while they’re fucking her – but honestly, who cares? The girls are hot and the sex is out of control, so I’m not gonna split hairs over theme. It’s an Acid Rain video, for crying out loud. They’ve gotta shoot like eight hours of ATM and gape footage – who’s got time for theme?

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah, the sex is out of control. Holly Wellin and Nikki Hilton kick things off by fondling each other’s tits while wishing for the aforementioned daddy, whereupon Chris Charming shows up and fucks them both within an inch of their lives. Nikki Hilton is cute in a “I don’t eat very much” way, but really, she’s barely noticeable with Holly in the scene. I’m fairly convinced that Ms. Wellin is not from some working class English hellhole (as her accent would suggest), but rather from a very dark and wet dimension beyond our understanding, and has come to Earth to drain beefy porn guys’ vital juices before eating them alive when the cameras stop rolling. She is 20,000 pounds of pure sexual combustion packed into what looks like a buck-ten body, and I can’t be more in awe of her if I tried. Really, I can’t.

Jessica Jammer’s up next, and she needs to start eating on a regular basis too, or at least start incorporating more than one food group in her diet per day; she’s cute and has a nice big generous mouth, but really, when I can see ribs through your flesh suit, that tends to make my boner get a little spongy. Kaci Starr is the flipside to Jessica’s equation – she’s a chipmunk-cheeked little sex monkey with a few extra pounds on her frame; if this was a cornball ‘70s sex comedy, she’d be the Hot Girl’s Best Friend, the one whom the director would constantly show with some kind of gooey snack in her mouth. Kaci gets a few gooey things in her cute little pucker courtesy Benjamin Brat, who puts her and Katie Ray through the ATM and gaping asshole ringer before alternately drilling each of their asses like some kind of testosterone-powered oil derrick. Hot, to say the least, with Ms. Starr coming out on top in terms of feverish fuck drive – it’s always the ones who least look like sluts, isn’t it? Sheesh.