First, a little truth in advertising time: it is more than a bit of a stretch to label any of the Eurosluts featured in this film as “beauties”; the only one that comes even remotely close to being attractive is brunette Miu Lee, who bears a slight (make that very slight) resemblance to L.A. actress/musician Pauley Perrette, who’s on that CBS show NCIS, but even still, calling her a “beauty” requires some considerable mental gymnastics, especially when you consider some of the genuinely gorgeous women who work in porn, like Devon or Janine. As for the other dames, Liza Monelly is best described as “handsome,” while Ann Stefani has a great body but a face like a Halloween witch. Seriously – check out her mug on the cover art (that’s her at right). At first, I thought she was wearing an elaborate prosthetic that made her look that way, but no, that’s really her face. Yikes. You know, I know that life is hard in many Eastern European countries, and as taxing to the mind, body, and soul that porn can be, it can also be a way to get your ass out of crippling poverty. But in the case of Ann Stefani, I really think she was probably better off herding goats or skinning cats or whatever she did in Gdansk or Vladivostock. Anything but sucking dick into that frightening maw of hers on my TV screen.

And as for “violated,” well… that’s a bit of a fib too. Okay, there are some leashes and chains on display, and Miu gets dressed up in a peekaboo leather and mesh catsuit, and Liza gets wrapped up in a blue sheet or some such and bound very lightly with chains. But in my book, “violation” is a lot more severe than getting your wrists tied with a quarter-inch dog chain; no one’s getting a summer squash shoved up their ass, or having piss poured down their throat, or anything else that you might see in the darkest corner of your local porn emporium. But I suppose that calling a movie “Slightly Troubled Homely Girls, Vol. 2” isn’t gonna score many rentals for Colossal, so I understand the word play. Honest, I do.

As for the sex, it’s generic stuff – anal from Liza and a pop shot on her glasses, two scenes with Miu, who’s pretty hotwired once she gets dicked, and takes not one but two mouthfuls of spunk. And Ann, well, she gets fucked on a weight machine. The less you know about it, the better. The whole thing is Just Average at best, and the fact that the women are Less Than Average makes this a hard one to recommend to anyone save the morbidly desperate. And I don’t want to know about them.