“Oh,
I’m a god. I’m so fucking good!”
A more
appropriate title for this Euroslut parade might be The Crazy Fucken
Bald Guy Who Sits at a Typewriter and Talks to Himself, but I can see
why Colossal went in another direction, as that title doesn’t exactly
scream “hot XXX” (not to mention the issue of fitting the whole thing on
the DVD cover). But it’s a more than apt description for what goes on in
CFMM – there’s a crazy bald guy who chain smokes and mutters
incessantly to himself as he writes several sex scenes. Through the magic
of digital video, we then see those scenes come to life, with a variety of
sweet young things from Eastern European countries getting every hole
plugged by what appears to be the same Slavic Superman. I’m not sure where
the “movie maker” part of the title comes from, since he implicitly states
that he’s working under deadline for a publisher, but it hardly matters,
since a) the Crazy Fucken guy’s accent is so thick and recorded so poorly
that you can only make out every fourth word or so, and b) the reason
you’re watching this movie is for the fucking (at least, I hope that’s why
you’re watching it) and not the performances. And the fucking is
across-the-board hot – the “craziest” it gets is the bowling pin-shaped
dildo that gets plugged into one hard-faced blondie’s ass, but there’s a
lot of ATM and anal (natch for Euro smut). The girls are kinda
indistinguishable from each other, as is often the case with European
starlets, but the standouts for me are a fleshy brunette with big naturals
who bears a strong resemblance to Sarah Silverman (alterna-types, take
note) and appears to care very deeply for ATM, and a slim young cutie
who’s the lean meat in a three-way, and who could pass for Ashley Blue’s
Continental cousin. She doesn’t have the taste for slapping and spitting
in people’s faces like Ms. Ashley, but she certainly takes to assfucking
like her. Anyway, just fast-forward through the typist and you’ve got
yourself a fairly crazy fucken Saturday night thing.
– The Ultimate Degenerate