FUCK THE TEACHER (2005)
Starring Alexis Silver, Chloe Dior, Mika Tan, Shay Sights

Directed by Martin Del Toro

Colossal Entertainment
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Seriously, if you can't figure out the premise of this Colossal cock party, then I don't know what to say to you. All the information you need is right there in the title, and director Martin Del Toro and the powers that be at CE don't expand on it any further than that - you have “students” (like over-30, heavily tattooed Kurt Lockwood) and you have “teachers (like Chloe Dior, who's maybe 22 if she's a day), and they want to fuck each other. So they do, not by virtue of chance or guile or unpleasant circumstance or a long-simmering mutual admiration that turns to lust, but mainly because they're all really dumb. Andrew gets caramel flesh sundae Alexis Silver (whose UK accent makes my crotch get very, very happy) to bang him blind atop her desk by doing nothing more than listening to her attempt at reverse psychology, which goes spectacularly awry (for her, not him). Chloe Dior? Same thing. Her mutton-headed student has glasses that make people's clothes disappear, so she decides to show him a thing or two by taking her own clothes off, whereupon - yes, you guessed it, he fucks her six ways to Sunday (including in her armpit). And Shay Sights? She's the principal, so you'd think that she'd have some common sense, but no, as soon as she checks out Kurt's gooney expression, all she can think about is sucking his cock. I'm quoting directly from the dialogue here. And that's the whole thing - it's young, dumb, and full of cum personified.

And as I've said many times before, that's not necessarily a bad thing. You've got three certifiably hot actresses on hand here, plus Mika Tan and chocolate surprise Sydnee Capri (both just average, but definitely plusses for the ethnic fans), and all throw sweaty, highly aerobic fuck scenes. If I had to name a best in show, it'd probably be a split between Silver and Dior, if only because I'm a fan of voluptuous, real-woman bodies as opposed to the usual spindly whippets that populate most porn titles. I'd make a three-way tie with Sights if she hadn't gone so completely overboard of late at her plastic surgeon's office; Sights has a hellacious body but a face that was bordering on severe a year or so ago, and is now rapidly approaching distorted. You need to stay out of the doctor's clutches, my dear. You look just fine, as is.

Extras are the usual slideshow and behind-the-scenes peekaboo, with the cast flashing their groceries to the camera and answering the usual inane questions. Keep an eye open for a glimpse of Chloe Dior sans makeup for a stunning (and in a good way) surprise

– The Ultimate Degenerate
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