Since 99% of what we review here in Bad Girl City is the lowest of the low and the grittiest of the grotty from Porn Valley, USA, it seems only fair to give some space to the big-budget smut too. And in the case of Pirates, the budget is very big - probably the largest to date, and culled from the joint coffers of Digital Playground and Adam and Eve. However, no one's going hungry at either company due to Pirates - the picture has smashed adult sales records, which is understandable, given the amount of spectacle on hand in the film. Director Joone cooked up the visual effects for the film (in addition to co-producing, co-writing, and photographing it), and he offers up not one but two full pirate ships that engage in sea warfare, an army of sword-wielding skeletons, an ancient Incan tomb (complete with booby traps), and even a full pirate haven - pretty impressive for any film, much less a XXX title. And he's certainly got star power on hand - in addition to the talent listed above, the cast of Pirates includes Devon, Austyn Moore, Jeanveve Jolie, and Teagan Presley, plus male stars Steven St. Croix, Brian Surewood, Scott Nails, and Kris Slater. Pretty big guns all around, and they all get a chance to shine on the acting side via Joone's somewhat complicated story (in a nutshell: Tommy Gunn and Janine are evil pirates on the hunt for a magic scepter; Kris Slater is the descendant of the Aztecs who guarded the scepter on a remote island; Luvana is his bride, who's tossed overboard and rescued by vain pirate hunter Stone and his horny first mate Jane), and most rise to the occasion, especially Stone and St. Croix in the funny department, and Janine, who turns in a solid dramatic perf as a lady pirate conflicted over her wicked past. And all of that's great, but we're simple people here in BGC, so the real question that bears asking about Pirates is: is the fucking movie hot or not?

And the answer is: for the most part, yeah. I was a little worried about Carmen Luvana as the female lead - she's cute, but in that die-pressed blonde starlet way, and she's got two fuck-offs with Kris Slater that are nothing spectacular - nice to watch, but not memorable. Luvana's better served in a down-and-dirty lez bout with Jenaveve Jolie in which the two bump uglies in front of a throng of cheering pirates. That's more our speed. Jesse Jane gets the lion's share of the loving in the film, and in typical fashion, she throws herself into her two hetero scenes - she gargles Scott Nails' cock in the opener and takes a monster pop shot on her swollen lips, then later pile drives Stephen St. Croix in a nasty floorbound pounding. Even the equal opportunity performer, Ms. Jane (whose name is a registered trademark of Digital Playground - did you know that?) snacks on Luvana's bald-ass squack before tangling with the ever-lovin' mother of all girl-girl scenes - Janine, who shows her approval of this fiery newcomer by showing two lit candles in her twat and ass. Wow and double wow. Janine herself celebrates her new-found boy-girl leanings in a knock-down, drag-out fuck with Tommy Gunn that unless you've completely shed your XX chromosomes, you're gonna watch over and over again. Oh, and there's a real screamy-creamy three-way with Devon, Presley and Stone which is worth your attention, as well as an offbeat fuck in a burning building (!) featuring Stone and Moore. So unless you're dead set against watching the big names in action, your dick won't have much to complain about from Pirates.

Adam and Eve sent me the Collector's Edition of Pirates, which is a monster three-disc set featuring the original film, a full disc of extras, and a hi-def version that's only watchable by you super tech types. Extras include commentary by Joone (who for some reason disguises his voice) and most of the cast, a blooper reel (lots of flubbed lines), trailers about 20 Adam and Eve and DP titles, a short film featuring Stone in pirate gear that inspired the feature; and two long featurettes, one on the special effects and the other on the movie itself. The latter is worth checking out if you're a Jesse Jane fan, as she mugs mercilessly for the camera and threatens to fuck everyone in sight, but there's also a revealing bit by Janine who discusses her distaste for the current spate of hyper-aggressive porn. Right on, Ms. J.

All in all, Pirates is a very impressive package that manages to deliver a competent movie and a hot sex flick in the same stroke. I can't imagine this is the way of the future, since porn's always going to be a quick-buck industry, but it's certainly good to see someone trying a little harder than others.