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Bad Girl City Reviews Jan, 2007.
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The 90’s: Only the Best
As if to prove my point, Metro releases this comp, “Only the Best of the 90’s”, which collects a bunch of clips from Cal Vista features dating from 1994-1999. Every scene has some hair-brained gimmick: Power-MILF Lisa Ann, in her younger, firmer days, is a country lass getting taken by a cowboy. The aptly named Shlya Foxxx actually fucks the pool guy. Dog-faced Melissa Hill and baby-faced Gwen Summers appear to be fucking Zorro. Shit like that. Hottest scene on deck involves the irrepressible flash metal groupie Chloe as a prison guard. She gets banged in the ass by an inmate, and she does that spazzy, short-circuiting robot thing she always does when something is in her butt. So that was cool. Otherwise, this pretty much just serves as early nostalgia for people who miss cocks wrapped in rubbers, hairspray, and fake tits. And Ron Jeremy. Yuck. -Sleazegrinder
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The Ultimate Degenerate Big Black Sticks in Little White Slits Starring Jayna Woods, Anell, Kimberly Kole Directed by Chucky Manson Lethal Hardcore
The other two gals on display here are fine, especially squeaky-toned Jamie Elle, who gives up her back door to her dreadlocked papa, but their performances just don't match their "mature" co-stars when it comes to fire and finesse. Black-on-white fans should enjoy this one slowly, preferably in a comfortable chair and after a good meal, as if they were sampling a fine wine or good whiskey. And make sure to save some room for the palate cleanser – a bonus scene featuring my favorite new girl on the scene, Paulina James, who flashes 10,000 volts of jailbait lightning in her scene from Stand Up Young Titties; Ms. James is clearly the exception to the rule when it comes to sexual mojo and chicks in their twenties. Outtakes include Stoney Curtis chatting up Jayna Woods as she changes before her scene, and trailers for Black and White Camel Toe (natch), Legal at Last #4, and Anal Cumsumption #3.
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Cum
in My Panties 2 Legal Pink’s concept is simple: find European chicks who look really, really young, and fuck all the hope out of their eyes. They are quite brilliant at it. One of the interesting things about this series is that there is no dialogue. Once in a while, one of the stunt-cocks will grunt out an order – “Suck it”, usually – but otherwise, no yapping. Which is nice. Strangely, though, you can pick your language before the movie starts. There’s a bunch of choices, Spanish, Italian, French, etc. I have only ever chosen English, so maybe there’s alternate scenes in other tongues where the bitches get all fuckin’ chatty. I’ll leave that to our foreign pervs to figure out. Me, I like ‘em with their yaps shut. Otherwise, there’s some minor hook, like the girls all wear glasses or pigtails or whatever. This time around, they all wear those mesh stockings you see in almost every stroke-flick these days. Stockings are not panties, however, and certainly nobody cums in fishnets – it’s sorta impossible, too many holes – so I am not sure what they’re talking about in the title. But let’s move on. 6 scenes on deck, all of ‘em pretty similar, except that the last three feature some explosive anal, featuring much wincing and a few ow-ow-ow faces, especially from a skinny pigtailed Bianca Pureheart lookalike named Ani. I guess my fave scene involved Tara Reid doppelganger Adriana, who has a little Hitler mustache above her puss. She is quite voracious, and seems to really enjoy bouncing ass-first on a cock. The only bummer is during her first bout of ATM, where she quickly sticks her head behind the couch and spits up whatever she sucked off the assy penis. What, did you think we wouldn’t catch that, Adriana? That’s cheating, baby. If you’re going ass to mouth, you gotta eat whatever leftovers you get. Anyway, if you dig youngstuff, you’ll love this. And it’s safer than trolling around in the bushes behind the high school. Seriously man, you’re gonna get caught if you keep that shit up.
-Sleazegrinder
Syrens of Sex Volume 2 (2006) - The Ultimate Degenerate "I hear that puffy pussies stay tight…"
Anyway, five girls, all with puffy pussies that, according to Jamie (who provides the above-referenced quote), should stay tight for many, many years to come, and get creamed but good by a faceless raft of dickmeat. None of the gals are particularly memorable, though cover girl Mia Rose, a recent refugee from Alaska, manages to browbeat old-timer Nick East (who is turning into a professional John Paul Jones lookalike) into back-to-back pop shots on her bunny-like face and camel toe (natch). Oh, and redhead skinny marin Riley Sky gets a long and narcotized monologue about how her many boyfriends only love her for her "pretty… puffy… pussy" (ellipses are Riley's), which is pretty funny. The rest – blondies Sasha Knox and Kylie King, and the aforementioned Ms. Ellie – while probably very nice girls who love their moms and are kind to small animals, provide fuckbouts that are decidedly unmemorable, even with the wacko novelty of the camel toe creaming. The DVD includes an equally average interracial scene from Super Size My Snatch 2, as well as the usual B-roll footage disguised as outtakes, and a flotilla of Lethal trailers that includes Butt Busters 2 , Multiple Chicks on One Dick 2, and the nightmare that is 8 Simple Rules for Banging My Teenage Daughter
-The Ultimate Degenerate |
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I
know a lot of people swear that porn was better in the 90’s, but Debi
Diamond and Strap-On Sally notwithstanding, I don’t know what the fuck
they’re talking about. 90’s porn was a cesspool of fat thighs, bad acting,
Ron Jeremy’s jiggly belly, and condoms. These days, we have skinny, meth-addicted
nut-cases who jam table-legs up their asses as soon as somebody yells
“Action”, no ‘scripts’ necessary, and safety is the last thing on anybody’s
mind. And I like that better. 
Super Adult Peep Show is an oddball two-disc grab bag of silent '70s porn
loops and more recent hardcore shorts featuring a trio of big tit queens.
The '70s clips (which comprise the whole of Disc One) are largely
black-and-white and range from slap-and-tickle groping to full-blown
hardcore. Most of the faces on film are anonymous, though adult stars of the
period do pop up in several clips: Candy Samples can be glimpsed in one,
while a very young Sharon Mitchell and Jamie Gillis perform (though not
together) in another. A parade of skin celebs flash before your startled
eyes in a longish loop titled "Best of Cum" (all but one of the loops are
missing or never had title cards, so the titles are all courtesy After
Hours) – John Leslie, Helen Madigan, Mike Ranger, and John Seeman all give
or receive their best pop shots in the service of this particular flick.
Since the loop boils down the XXX flick to its barest essentials – get the
fucking on screen fast and then get off – favorites will undoubtedly depend
on whichever anonymous lady or couple catches your particular fancy. My pick
to click is "Pussy Galore," a completely thrashed chunk of late '60s smut
with a foxy, sloe-eyed brunette in pigtails who invites her thuggish BF in
for a round of missionary and oral; her roommate (or Mom – it's impossible
to tell) arrives and quickly joins in. There's an East Coast hipster vibe to
the whole picture, from the fella's boss black turtleneck and Sky Saxon
haircut to the gal's Shindig-ready checkerboard dress that just out-cools
the alt-porn movement without even trying. I also liked "Sex in Picadilly,"
in which two scrawny English boys and their equally underfed girlfriend
wander around a casino before retiring to a cold water flat for a
speed-fueled threesome, and "Sexorcism," though my fondness for it is based
entirely around the fact that the movie itself (about a girl who screws a TV
repairman) has NOTHING to do with exorcism. Love that old-school con.
One of the best things
about hitting your thirties is discovering that the women in that age group
are absolutely on top of their sexual game. Sure, there's a lot to be said
for a ripe young twenty-something, but ladies in their dirty thirties know
exactly what they're doing in the sack, and are not afraid to prove it to
the right gentleman over and over again. Such is the case with Lethal's
interracial bangfest Big Black Sticks in Little White Slits, which
pits several bruising brothers against a quintet of lily-white ladies. Most
interracial titles play out like a bedroom version of the Battle of Little
Big Horn, with bronto-sized dudes laying absolute waste to petite young
things, but here, the playing field is evened out by the presence of three
thirty-ish ladies with serious steam. Slim blonde cover girl Jayna Woods
breaks her black cock cherry in this movie, but instead of rolling over and
playing dead in the face of such lumber, she rides her ginormous scene
partner to an unequivocal draw. Same goes for Kimberly Kole, who seems
positively petrified to be on camera – until her black dick swings into
view, whereupon she unfurls her mile-long legs and fucks it with gasping,
writhing abandon. Chunky mama Anell, who makes her DVD debut, is supremely
confident in the face of Sledge's colossus – her meaty hips never stop
pumping, even when Sledge isn't inside her. That's nothing but pure estrus,
my friends, set to boiling by years of doing it and doing it and doing it
right. You just aren't gonna get that from the young stuff, no matter how
much you wish it so.
One of my fave performers in the current class of Sin Cinema, the
multi-ethnic, helium-voiced Cherokee (
Watching Cream on My
Camel Toe 2 made me more than a little concerned for my mental health –
not because there was midget sex or puking or any of the other porno
freakshow shit that normally leaves me feeling like a small but significant
portion of my brain cells has been thoroughly doused with Janitor in a Drum.
No, my real worry is over the fact I had the nagging feeling I'd seen this
movie before – the opening sequence, which has bouncy Southern baby doll
Jamie Elle (whose helium voice makes Cherokee sound like James Earl Jones)
giving herself a front-end wedgie in a pair of hysterectomy jeans, seemed
way too familiar to me. But the thing is, I hadn't taken the shrink wrap off
this particular disc until minutes before watching it. So I'm left with this
following possibilities – either Wayne Hentai sent me multiple copies, the
Jamie Ellie scene was featured on another Lethal disc, or all of Stoney
Curtis' movies look alike to me. Or I've finally lost it. Sadly, the latter
two are the strongest possibilities.