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Bad Girl City Reviews September, 2007.
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T&A Buffet
(2006)
– King Baboon Tarantula
Succulent
(1983)
– King Baboon Tarantula
Careful, He May Be
Watching
(1985)
Video-X-Pix’s DVD is a joint effort with Seka herself, who reportedly oversaw the disc’s production and provided a fistful of extras, including commentary on certain scenes, the trailer for her 1980 hit Inside Seka, a couple of talking-head style interviews about her career and co-stars (Ron Jeremy and John Holmes, in particular), and a few amateur clips of her recent adventures in hardcore, which have been featured on her web site (seka.com); suffice it to say that while Seka 2007 may have morphed into a grandmotherly, soft-sculpture version of her former self, she’s still hot to trot. I imagine that dads everywhere are silently rejoicing over that news. – King Baboon Tarantula
The Contractor 2
– King Baboon Tarantula |
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Bad Girl City Reviews July, 2007. |
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American Heroes
Carmen’s near-death experience apparently motivated her to up and join the U.S. Army, which has assigned her to drill sergeant Katie Morgan’s, um, bedroom. There, D.I. Katie puts our girl through basic slut training, including a strenuous session with a strap-on. And finally, Tommy Gunn shows the compassion and dedication that every good teacher must have by giving some personal attention to wayward student Holly Morgan. That means he sticks his cock in her mouth. I’m gonna give Dakota the benefit of the doubt and say that his intention with American Heroes was NOT to pay heartfelt tribute to our hardest working citizens and instead put a costume spin on the usual collection of five fuck scenes. At least, I hope that’s the case. If not, well, at least the fucking is stellar, Carmen continues to exude the purest lust like a hothouse flower, and the rest of the cast seem to be amused by the dress-up routine – at least, for the few seconds that they’re wearing clothes. Extras include the usual behind-the-scenes schmatter and a barrage of trailers for other Adam and Eve titles. - The Ultimate Degenerate
T.I.L.F. (Teachers I’d Like to Fuck)
– The Ultimate Degenerate
Big Dicks Bouncing Tits
- The Ultimate Degenerate
Sentenced (2007)
Of course, I know that the point of Sentenced isn’t to provide a solid story – it’s just jerkoff material. But if you’re going to ask Penny F. to go off her rocker for a solid hour-twenty, and shoot the whole thing in a creepy old hospital (or jail – dunno, but it’s convincing), you ought to up the stakes a LITTLE bit, no? Maybe? Well, no matter – the sex is hot, especially the Penny/Brandon showdown, as well as a recreational rutfest between Dr. Herschel and naughty nurse Mikayla on top of an examination table. Extras include a long interview with Penny about how much she enjoyed acting like a loon, behind-the-scenes stuff (yawn), and the usual fistful of trailers. - The Ultimate Degenerate Got Porn? Want Reviews? Brother, you have come to the right place. Send 'em to:
Sleazegrinder POB 51446 Boston, MA 02205
Email us for street address, if you need one.
Refinements in Love (1971) DVD How crazy is Refinements in Love? The fucking title credits turn up 45 minutes into the movie, that’s how crazy. We’re also treated to the sights and sounds of a swarthy, pop-eyed “doctor” banging his patient because she can’t achieve orgasm with her spouse, a teenaged Rene Bond dousing herself in talcum powder before getting nailed by her much-older partner, and former mob moll-turned-never-was starlet Liz Renay (The Thrill Killers, Desperate Living) mouthing reams of nonsensical narration about freedom and modern culture. Ostensibly, it’s all in the name of expanding the sexual horizons of square, middle-class white folks circa ’71, but really, Refinements in Love is a truly bizarre chunk of “Golden Era” smut, bolstered a few ungainly attempts by director Carlos Tobalina to promote himself and take a potshot at the legal system. The weirdness comes not from the faux-documentary approach (one of the oldest saws in the exploitation biz), but from the structure of the film itself – not only do we get the “huh?” moment with the credits, but Tobalina (or his editor) jump from hardcore fucking to shots of cable cars in San Francisco to hula dancers performing outside Tobalina’s Mayan Theater in downtown L.A., and then back to more fucking. There’s no rhyme or reason to any of it (and yeah, I know, it’s just a porno, but even they have to obey basic editing rules), so watching Refinements in Love is akin to simultaneously experiencing recurring blackouts and a wet dream in the middle of a high school science filmstrip. You know, if such a thing was possible. Yeah, yeah, you say, who cares about the structure? What about the chicks? Well, unless you’re a connoisseur of early ‘70s wank, much of the flesh on display here won’t seem very familiar to you. I sure as hell didn’t know half of them, save for the pre-boob job Rene, her meathead boyfriend Ric Lutze, and busty Lynne Holmes (she got it Deep Woods style from The Geek!), as well as a few semi-pros like Ron Darby. Miss Liz, of course, doesn’t perform any hardcore, but she’s easy on the eyes as well. Unfortunately, the sex is pretty chaste – we’re talking lots of one-position rutting, and no cum shots – and the pacing is glacial, to say the least. If you’re looking to have a Saturday night fling with a ‘70s porn title, you’ll find hotter fare in a hundred different movies. But if you’re looking for Odd – and lots of it – you’ll find that action from Refinements in Love. - The Ultimate Degenerate
Campus Girls (1973) DVD “You sure know what to do with a cock!”
So, yeah… not much going on here, save for the late Ms. Russell, who enlivens her rap with 10 ˝ (seeming creepier and more fey here than usual) with a ditzy charm. The supporting cast fumbles and paws their way through their sex scenes with a greasy abandon, and offer kinks of all stripes to the undiscerning porn gourmand (threesome with anal, big tits, facial pop). Tina’s solo masturbation and rut with Marc is the highlight, of course, mainly due to her high school sweetheart freshness. The whole magilla is best enjoyed by those who like their smut on the grimy and low-rent side – yeah, I’m talking to you. Video-X-Pix’s DVD includes trailers for Hot Honey and Chuck Vincent’s MisBehavin’ (with Leslie Bovee, Gloria Leonard, and Sonny Landham), as well as a quick chat with Ron Jeremy, who shows off his piano chops and discusses sucking his own dick (again). – The Ultimate Degenerate
Nympho Libre (2007) “Eat my love meat, you barrio bimbo!”
But if reviewing porn is a regular gig, you stick it out and keep hoping that the next delivery contains something that’s novel or inventive or at least proudly retarded – something like Nympho Libre, to be precise. I’m not sure if this is the sequel to Sex Mex, Toby Dammit and Johnny Legend’s first venture into combining Mexican wrestling with hardcore fucking, or a retitle, but frankly, who cares? It has guys and gals in lucha libre masks, Johnny Legend in full speedfreak rap mode as El Pornographico, a zoomerating twang rock from the Tijuana Bibles and Ubangis, and and the Aztec Mummy himself receiving his first blow job in 2000 years. That alone is worth more than the last 50 Red Light District titles I’ve endured, but you also get lotsa hardcore screwing to boot. Yeah, some of the girls on hand look a little blown out, but Veronica Caine/Barrett Moore looks incredible in her anal throw-down with Mark Wood, and tit queen Ashley Moore – well, she just has to stand there to get you hard, but she gives her all to a motel room romp with a dude in a knockoff Santo mask. Oh, and newcomer Cherie brings more heat than anyone should to a scene in which she’s blowing a guy in a rubbery mummy costume. Best of all, Nympho Libre gets the essential truth about porn – it’s base, crass entertainment aimed directly at your crotch, and should never take itself seriously. Clearly, any movie which features a doughy Mexican wrestler getting picked up in a Valley parking lot by a horny secretary for a bout of Motel 6 sex, or the Aztec Mummy uttering lines like “May the sperm demons of Amon-Ra scream a thousand curses in my red bulb of ecstasy!” while getting head isn’t taking itself seriously for a second, and frankly, it’s appreciated. That’s just me, though. Extras include commentary by Dammit and Caine/Moore, who discuss the history of her many porn names as well as the movie’s lengthy off-and-on schedule, as well as behind the scenes footage shot during the movie’s finale, a lesbo face-off between Caine, Daisy Chain, and the diminutive Chrissy Sparks. – The Ultimate Degenerate
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More of a trough explosion than a buffet per se, this is
more of the usual hands-all-over Creep Sex, filled with gaping assholes and
spitting and a tinge of lipstick B&D, as well as the always-disturbing presence
of Asian mini-starlet Kitty and her twelve-year-old-boy’s body. Yeesh. At least
the other girls are ravenous. Pillowy Velicity Von and degenerate Brit Isabel
Ice play with ball gags and blindfolds before submitting their pussies and asses
to Ben Brat’s desperate fingers and cock. And Jamie Elle is lured into pirate
freak Brian Surewood’s palatial home (by his imitation of a barking dog, of all
things) before turning her loose to his pals, a snapping, thrusting contingent
of faceless dicks who DP her senseless before squeezing off round after round
into her tiny mouth. Your smut is on the splattery side, you say? Dig in, then.
Extras include a cumshot recap and the obligatory behind-the-scenes featurette,
which offers us an explicit look at just how faulty Jamie Elle’s gag reflex can
be, and the sight of a raccoon-eyed Velicity Von apologizing for not bending her body to take Brat in some perverse Cirque du Soleil position.
Velicity honey, you don’t owe anyone anything. 
This gleefully skeevy
flesh fest opens with Kelly Nichols (The Toolbox Murders) enjoying gushy
phone sex with her mustachioed lover and then takes a 360-degree U-turn into
drive-in territory by locking her up in a Southern jail (located in the heart of
suburban New York), complete with a crooked judge (R. Bolla), sadistic sheriff
(George Payne, natch), bulldyke matron (Rhonda Jo Petty) and leering guard
(Jerry Butler). Little Oral Annie falls afoul of this fearsome foursome as well,
and after being forced to demonstrate her namesake talent on Bolla and
spit-shining Rhonda Jo’s peroxided twat, she and Kelly are sold off (!) to Arab
sheik Ron Jeremy (!!), who enjoys the full depths of Annie’s bottomless throat.
The “it’s all a dream” conclusion is a groaner, to say the least, but Annie and
Kelly take their ravaging like the slut-champs they are, as does Jennifer Noxt
as a fellow con (unfortunately, she’s paired with super creep Josey Duvall), and
the male talent play complete degenerates with convincing gusto. For those who
remember Jackson County Jail as an erotic highlight of their childhood or
get wet at the sight of a cop cruiser in their rear view mirror, Succulent
is the scum fantasy they’ve been dreaming of. Video-X-Pix’s DVD includes
trailers for All About Gloria Leonard, the equally succulent Deep
Inside Little Oral Annie, and the stomach-churning short Box Balls
(the title says it all).
The final feature film
effort from the legendary Seka until her ill-fated return in 1993’s American
Garter, Careful is a lightweight comedy by ‘70s porn
stud-turned-writer/director Richard Pacheco that’s built on the gooniest of
premises: airline pilot Mike Horner is unable to tell that his sweet-natured
stay-at-home wife (Seka) is actually XXX superstar Molly Flame simply because
she wears a red wig (and dyes her pubes). But porn has been built on stupider
ideas (the I Cream on Genie series, anyone?), and it’s forgivable since
the sex is particularly hot, especially Seka’s early morning rise-and-fuck with
Horner, and his shower bang with porcelain redhead Shanna McCullough. Fans of
old-school Seka may be disappointed that the 1985 edition has traded in her
Swedish Erotica look (scarves, garters, Dolly Parton bubble ‘do) for a sleeker
build and a shorter, straighter cut, but the change hasn’t dampened her sex vibe
one bit; if anything, she seems less like an ice princess and more like the
prototype for every hormonally super-charged MILF that’s come down the pike in
recent years. 
Old-fashioned porn corn about a wealthy galoot (Rod
Fontana) who hires Carmen Luvana’s all-girl construction crew to build his dream
house. The usual hassles (safety codes, unions, etc.) attempt to bring the
project to a halt, but thankfully, Carmen and the ladies are happy to fuck to a
standstill every single male in their line of vision, so by the movie’s end,
it’s all aces: Rod gets his house, the girls get their pay, and you, dear
viewer, get your cookies more than once thanks to the ferocious fucking. It’s
too bad that Carmen, who’s since departed the porn fold for what probably looks
like greener pastures, isn’t afforded much on-screen sex time save for a third
act bang-off with Tommy Gunn; she’s easily the most creamy-dreamy
member of the cast, though Ava Rose and Audrey Bitoni (playing feuding cousins)
are unquestionably luscious scoops of sexual caramel. Extras include trailers
for other Adam and Eve titles, including Fetish Dolls and TILF (Teachers I’d Like to Fuck), as well as the
obligatory goof of a behind-the-scenes, which is dominated by Fontana blowing
his lines. 
Shortly after graduating from college, Marc “10 ˝” Stevens drops some
science on the pretty but empty head of Tina Russell about how much sex
their former classmates were getting. This leads to a string of
grainy-looking loops in which some fleshy and blown-out degenerates get
their cookies in some of Los Angeles and San Francisco’s ugliest apartments
and motel rooms. Now convinced that her alma mater were a pack of ravenous
horn dogs, Tina bemoans the fact that she wasn’t getting laid during her
years of higher education. Cue Marc’s colossal whangus, which drills her six
ways to Sunday before depositing a load on her tummy. The end, class
dismissed.
Note
to candy-boy porn fans – reviewing XXX is not the sexodelic wonderland it’s
cracked up to be. You watch enough volumes of Stretch My Elastic Asshole
with Your Monster Black Cock, and the smutty, forbidden side of porn
burns away, and what you’re left with a pile of silky thighs and silicone
tits that look more like the meat counter at your supermarket than your
latest cream dream. It’s sad, but true. Don’t believe me? Just ask Sleaze.
He’s reviewed thousands of these things.