I think I might have found the amazingly monikered Queer for Girls by accident one night a year or so ago, probably while searching the web for sleazy sites about go-go boots
(http://www.go-go-boots.com/) or something. Despite the name, QFG is not a lesbian support group, at least not in the clinical sense. These former Space Age Playboys are actually a larger than life cock rock band from Hollywood. They've been sending me demos for the past year, each one a blast of rock star ready glam-punk and flash metal, all under the guise of some hi-tech, Sigue Sigue Sputnik-styled robot war conspiracy. Me, I believe every word of it. With a debut album, "Android Sex and Cartoon Drugs" finally on the streets, I figured it was a good time to pin down their minister of
dis-information, Johnny Jetson, and hassle him with some unanswerable questions.
(JJ photo by
Kazzie Vagabond)Galaxina or Barbarella?
Galaxina Barbarella
"Dorothy Stratten or Jane Fonda? I'll take Dorothy because I like making it with androids... "
Correct. Are people in LA living a lie?
"No (That's a lie...)"
Understood. First video game (arcade only) you ever got obsessed with?
"Asteroids."
Wrong. Correct answer- "Satan's Hollow". Or perhaps "New York Vs. Flying Saucers". Being obsessed with Asteroids is like nursing a crush on the fat girl in class. It might have happened, but it's better just to lie about it.
Axl's sitting at the bar, what do you say to him?
"Has Jimbo Barker been a good boy? Or has he been smashing up toilets on tour again?"
Wrong. Inside jokes are for amateurs, baby. Correct answer- "Where's Izzy?"
Who'd write a better Queer For Girls novel, William Gibson or William Burroughs (assuming death wasn't a factor)?
William Gibson William Burroughs
"All Tomorrow's Parties was a classic, but I'd pick Burroughs."
Correct. Note- Queer for Girls have a drug problem. Before there was rock, we only had...
"Sex, drugs and jazz..."
He's right, you know. Does that dude from Blue Period freak you out?
"Glamourous androgynous freaks don't freak me out. I'm Lee Harvey Oswald's biggest fan!"
Fair enough. Honestly, what's the best QFG song? What's the worst?
"Strike-Out King' is the Best. 'Rockn'Roll Heart' is the Worst."
True! Last time things got out of hand?
"Last night at Crazy Girls on La Brea..."
Yeah, I've seen the pictures. Favorite line from a Prince song?
"Believe it or not, I started to erect..."
Half point for confusing me. Technological breakthrough you're most looking forward to?
"Moving Sidewalks."
Wrong. Nobody in Hollywood walks anywhere. Right answer- lesbian machine guns. Speaking of which, why a Snow Gun? (QFG have a song called "Snow Gun" which stretches sexual metaphor to it's limits, even for rock and roll)
"Because here in SoCal we make our own."
Sounds like innuendo, so I'm going to say it's correct. Where do you think Yanna Ya Ya is right now?
"Mowing my lawn."
Probably! Most brilliant stage show idea you thought of when you were really drunk?
"Flying Rocket Amps."
Me too. Drew up half-assed blueprints and everything. Sleaziest thing you've ever done in the name of rock and roll?
"The sleaziest thing I've done would make Lenny Bruce roll over in his grave, so let me just say that I'm lucky I'm not behind bars and I won't be conducting underage sex parties with the young nubile students of 'Our Lady of Mercy Jr. Highschool' anytime soon. Oh yeah, there was that time I screwed by best friend's girl in a closet at his birthday party..."
I heard about that. Correct.
Score: 12/15. What do you know, Queer For Girls officially rock. "Android Sex and Cartoon Drugs" is available now at www.queerforgirls.com