Picks To Click: Defying all “conventional” wisdom and the nervous nellies in the cult DVD biz who get the jitters at any sign of a downward turn, the fine folks at Casa Negra Entertainment continue to do a solid for classic horror fans with another pair of titles from Mexico in the ‘50s and ‘60s. The Man and the Monster should satisfy camp hounds with its ludicrous premise (a composer sells his soul to the Devil for success, but transforms into a bulbous-nosed monster every time a certain melody is played), but there’s a great deal of atmosphere and suspense to the picture as well, and academic types can have a good ole time picking over the movie’s psychological underpinnings as well. Casa Negra also has The Living Coffin, a horror-Western with cowboy star Gaston Santos investigating visions of La Llorona (the Mexican folk legend of the Crying Woman) and real disappearing coffins. It’s terrific stuff for those who remember pics like these popping up on their local Creature Feature programming, and Casa Negra presents both movies in uncut and subtitled format and with plenty of extras like trailers and photo galleries. Don’t sleep on either of these.

And while you’re at it, you should pick up Naked You Die (Dark Sky), a rarely seen giallo from Antonio Margheriti (Cannibal Apocalypse) based on a story by Mario Bava (you can stop genuflecting now). Yeah, the story’s kinda old hat (a police inspector investigates murders at a girls’ school), and the picture lacks the gore and sex that earmark these type of films, but it’s got a breezy vibe, and who doesn’t like movies set at a girls’ school?  You might’ve caught this one on late night under the title of The Young, the Evil and the Savage, but this is the original version, so toss out your VHS copy.

Got a few dollars left? Alpha Video is releasing the highly entertaining Five Minutes to Live, a low budget remake of The Desperate Hours with Johnny Cash as a pompadoured hood who holds the family of Ron Howard hostage. The Man in Black is pretty great in his sinister role, and eagle-eyed country fans will spot the legendary Merle Travis in the cast as well. And best of all, Alpha’s titles are super-cheap, so there’s no reason to NOT grab this disc. I’d also save my pennies for Phantom Museums: The Short Films of the Quay Brothers (Zeitgeist), a two-disc compilation of the animation innovators’ most unsettling and hypnotizing work (their films involve stop-motion animation and puppetry, but with much darker themes and images), and for Tears of the Black Tiger ( The Weinstein Company), an imaginative and visually beautiful Thai action/drama that grafts the overripe look of classic Hollywood Westerns and romances onto a story about class structure. Oh, and there are songs, too, but don’t let that scare you off. You owe it to your eyes to see this one. And lastly, I’d dig around in my sofa for the pennies to get Schoolgirl Report Vo1. 1: What Parents Don’t Think is Possible (Impulse Films), a hilarious hodge-podge of softcore smut and wrong-headed educational movie from early ‘70s Germany that depicts the plummeting moral values of young frauleins across the Fatherland, and how science will save them. Eurosmut devotees will appreciate the veritable parade of black bikini briefs, striped pants, muttonchops, and natural breasts on display here, as well as the pseudo-scientific tone.

Reissues: Blue Underground revives more great titles from the Anchor Bay back catalog this week; tops is probably Lucio Fulci’s House By the Cemetery and The Black Cat, but there’s also Lamberto Bava’s late-period giallo Macabre and Jorge Grau’s incredible Spanish zombie film Let Sleeping Corpses Lie. BU also has a Protect and Kill Two-Fer with La Scorta, a 1993 Italian cop drama about a special police squad assigned to protect a judge, and How To Kill a Judge from 1974, with Franco Nero as a film director whose last project predicted the murder of a high-ranking official.

On the budget front, the aforementioned Alpha has Terror of the Bloodhunters, a hilarious jungle/cannibal adventure from Jerry (Teenage Zombies) Warren about an escaped French prisoner (Robert Clarke from The Hideous Sun Demon) dodging headhunters and wild animals in the jungle. And Alpha continues to resurrect the head-scratching films of Ted V. Mikels with one of his weirdest, Blood Orgy of the She-Devils; it’s nowhere as gory or sexy as the title suggests, but there’s some spectacularly awful special effects, and a peek into Ted’s desert castle home for kicks. Oh, and VCI has two volumes of One Step Beyond, an early TV anthology series that focused on supernatural and psychic phenomena. It’s a bit creaky in places, but worth a look-see for fantasy tube aficionados.

Lastly, make sure to return all your bottles and cans this week, ‘cause you’re gonna need a couple of extra bucks to get Female Prisoner 701: Scorpion Triple Feature Collection (Tokyo Shock), a boxed set of the adventures of Meiko Kaiji’s Scorpion, a one-woman wrecking crew who unleashes bloody revenge on anyone who crosses her. Included is the original Female Prisoner 701 feature, as well as two sequels, Beast Stable and Grudge Song. If you dug Kill Bill, here’s the place to find some of the inspiration behind The Bride.  And Baian The Assassin, Vols 1-4: Triple Feature Collection (Tokyo Shock) compiles four discs of the Japanese TV series about an acupuncturist (Ken Watanabe) who doubles as a needle-slinging killer.

Also: Play Dirty (MGM) is a violent World War II actioner with Michael Caine as a British petroleum executive who leads a group of convicts in a raid on a German fuel depot; .45 (Velocity/Thinkfilm) is not a remake of Ms .45, but a clever and gritty indie drama with Milla Jovovich as a gun-toting moll who wants revenge on her thuggish Irish gangster boyfriend; Born to Fight (Weinstein Company), is a stunt-heavy Thai martial arts film about a former cop who aids a village against a missile-toting warlord, with Panna Rittikrai, mentor to the great Tony Jaa, behind the camera; Grow Live Monsters (MVD) compiles live footage of the infamous Detroit art-rock/noise outfit; The Ghost (Tartan) is a Korean chiller that mines the “vengeful spirit on a kill spree” storyline to agreeably spooky effect   and Wo Hu: Operation Undercover (Tai Seng) is a 2006 Chinese cop movie with more than a few resemblances to Infernal Affairs (which inspired The Departed) in its story of corruption and murder in the ranks of undercover officers investigating the Triad gangs.

Your Call: Look, I’m sure there are a few Stryper fans out there (whether they’ll admit to it or not is another matter altogether), so they’ll probably be pleased to know that Music Video Distributors is releasing Stryper: Greatest Hits – Live in Puerto Rico. I also know that (sadly) there are Bill Zebub followers– I think his “hot button” comedy films are wretched to a fault (never mind the rampant hatred tarted up as “cutting edge” laughs), but his Most Offensive Comedy Ever Made is available through his own label (Bill Zebub), as well as his Black Metal: A Documentary. Have at them, if you must. Zebub freaks may also enjoy The Best of Cheaters: Too Hot for Broadcast 1-4 (Madacy), a compilation of unedited bits from the bargain basement “reality show” devoted to enjoying the misery and humiliation of others. And speaking of misery, I’ve suffered through enough of Uli Lommel’s post-Boogeyman films to know that he’s missing more than a few screws, but continues to grind out low-rent horror fare for… someone, I suppose. His latest, Diary of a Cannibal, is available from Lions Gate.

-Paul Gaita

_________________________________________________

If you haven’t seen Don (Bubba Ho-Tep) Coscarelli’s Phantasm, then I have two things to say to you: 1) you should be ashamed of yourself, because this low-budget chiller about a teenager, his brother, and the local ice cream man teaming up to stop a ghoulish undertaker (Angus Scrimm, one of the best bad guys ever) from kidnapping corpses and shipping them to another dimension remains one of the most inventive and enjoyable drive-in horror pics of the ‘70s; and 2) you have a chance to redeem yourself with the new Anchor Bay Collection DVD. Not only does the movie look great, but there’s a wealth of extras, including commentary by Coscarelli, Scrimm, and other cast members, as well as a making-of featurette, TV spots, interviews… the only thing that’s missing (aside from a fistful of deleted scenes that popped up on the 1999 MGM disc) is one of the film’s evil little silver balls that bore into people’s skulls. Now that would’ve been a supplemental feature to reckon with.

AB has a couple other Coscarelli titles out this week as well – the third entry in the Phantasm series, Lord of the Dead, is available, as is a rare non-Phantasm feature, Survival Quest. The former is a so-so reunion for the original Phantasm cast, and the latter is a Deliverance-style wilderness adventure that’s notable for early appearances by Catherine Keener and Dermot Mulroney, as well as the presence of Phantasm regular Reggie Bannister and Lance Henriksen.

Slaughter Night (Tartan) is a Dutch slasher/supernatural chiller about a child murderer stalking a group of teens stuck in an abandoned mine. The Korean horror flick Cinderella (also from Tartan) takes a similar trip down the gore-and-ghosts road, though this time, there’s a mother-daughter plastic surgery team, a faceless ghost that wants its mug back, and a decent smattering of shock effects when the daughter’s teen friends, who have been hitting up the mom for the occasional nip-and-tuck, begin reversing the procedures… with their own hands. Ick, to be sure, and good for those whose patience hasn’t been worn down by the endless spook parade from Asia.

Lots of other Asian titles on the market this week, tho I hesitate to give them real plugs, as I’m not entirely sure they’re coming out. There’s word that the Weinstein Company is releasing a fistful of classic martial arts pics from the ‘70s, including The One-Armed Swordsman with Jimmy Wang Yu, 36^th Chamber of Shaolin with Gordon (Kill Bill) Liu, and King Boxer, but I haven’t seen any artwork for these discs, so don’t rush out to your local DVD dealer just yet. I do know that Animeigo has Dora-Heita, a comic samurai adventure from veteran director Kon Ichikawa, who originally conceived the film in a partnership with Akira Kurosawa, Masaki Kobayashi, and Keisuke Kinoshita back in 1969. Ichikawa, who’s sadly the only member of the quartet left standing, delivers a funny and occasionally action-driven story of a sword-wielding magistrate in feudal Japan who infiltrates a crime-ridden town by pretending to be a drunken lech. Also, newcomers Asian Pulp Cinema has Legend of the Doll, which furthers my assessment that the Japanese are completely insane with its story of a lonely action figure collector whose latest acquisition is not only alive but hot for him. Hoo boy.

Otherwise: Skin Crawl (Pop Cinema), with Debbie Rochon, is an indie horror pic about a witch’s curse that wreaks revenge on the killers of a young woman; Dead and Deader (Anchor Bay) is a zombie “comedy” with Dean Cain (who should be in better movies) as a recently deceased Special Forces commando who is revived by the bite of a radioactive scorpion; Morella’s Blood Flood (Image) compiles three fun ‘70s grindhouse titles – Grave of the Vampire, House of Evil, and Andy Milligan’s ludicrous Guru, the Mad Monk – and presents them with wrap-arounds by chesty internet horror hostess Morella; Video Violence/Video Violence 2 (Camp Motion Pictures) is a double-bill of shot-on-video splatter slop from the ugly ‘80s about a town of degenerates who shoot their own snuff films; The Italian Jungle Collection (Retromedia) offers a guaranteed laugh-filled two-shot of ‘60s and ‘70s Tarzan knock-offs from Roma – Luana, with spaghetti Western star Glenn Saxon, and Karzan, Jungle Lord, from one of Italy’s most atrocious directors, Demofilo Fidana. Sombre (Koch Lorber) is an aggressively arty but fairly sick pic about a serial killer who breaks from a non-stop strangling spree to creep out a pair of sisters (the weirder of the two is played by Elina Lowensohn of Nadia fame). Audiences seem to either despise or love this movie, which usually makes me want to see something even more. Be forewarned that a good chunk of the movie is not only meandering and paced like melting butter but out of focus.

And lastly, for those just wanna see some boobs, there is The Breastford Wives (Secret Key), with XXX star Taylor Wane  -- do I need to tell you that this is a softcore parody of The Stepford Wives and has a lot of tit jokes? Probably not. Oh, and since Joe Francis is probably going to jail soon, you should probably rent or buy Girls Gone Wild: Dorm Room Fantasies 2 and The Best of Spring Break (both from Mantra), just so Joe can pay for his mounting legal bills. But on second thought, maybe you shouldn’t.

– Paul Gaita
__________________________________________________

That slightly nasal buzzing noise you’ve been hearing for the last few months is the chatter of internet horror nerds getting their panties in a bunch over The Mario Bava Collection (Anchor Bay), a five-disc boxed set of (mostly) horror titles from the much-praised Italian cult director. Here’s the straight dope about the set: the five movies -- Black Sabbath, Black Sunday, The Girl Who Knew Too Much (aka The Evil Eye), Kill, Baby…Kill! and the Viking adventure movie Knives of the Avenger, starring Cameron Mitchell – are NOT the same as the Image versions that came out a few years ago. The anthology movie Black Sabbath includes both the English-language version and the Italian version, which present the stories in different orders. Same goes for The Girl Who Knew Too Much, and the rest of the titles (save for Black Sunday) include English and Italian audio with subtitles. There’s also a dogpile of extras, including interviews with stars John Saxon on Girl and Mark Damon on Sabbath, plus trailers and the usual ephemera. In short, if you’re a Bava fan (not fanatic – there’s a distinction), you’ll be happy with the Collection. And if you’re a headcase, you’ll find some nitpicky issue to complain about, and therefore, you won’t be happy. But then again, NOTHING will ever make those people happy, will it?

Well, maybe having Bava’s Kidnapped on DVD might change their tune. One of Bava’s last features, it’s a thoroughly mean-spirited and sweaty crime thriller about a trio of hot-wired crooks (including George Eastman – The Grim Reaper hisself) who take a couple hostage and proceed to melt down in spectacularly psychotic ways. Kidnapped (a.k.a. Rabid Dogs) has been off the market for years – it was only available through an import DVD that went OOP in a heartbeat – but the Anchor Bay disc corrects that issue, and includes both versions of the film (Rabid Dogs is the original, and Kidnapped has new footage and editing by Bava’s son Lamberto and producer Alfredo Leone). 

Also vying for your hard-earned dollars this week: Black Emanuelle’s Box (Severin), a three-DVD set starring Indonesian sexploitation queen Laura Gemser as Black Em in some of her raunchiest adventures, including the notorious Emanuelle Around the World, directed by Joe D’Amato (who also made the hideous Emanuelle in America with Laura G.). Perverts should note that the version included in the Box is the X-rated cut and NOT the triple-X version – which Severin has thoughtfully offered in a separate disc (thank you, gents). The Box also includes Emanuelle in Bangkok and Sister Emanuelle (yep, it’s Emanuelle in a convent), as well as a CD of super-sleazy soundtrack music from Nico Fidenco. My Pick to Click for the week? You bet it is.

Actually, hold that thought, because Classic Media has followed up their stellar double-disc release of the ‘54 Godzilla with two new Toho monster movies in completely remastered single-disc versions. Godzilla Raids Again (known here in the States as Gigantis the Fire Monster) was the first sequel to the original Godzilla, and pits the King of the Monsters against his frequent sidekick Anguirus, while Godzilla vs. Mothra (retitled Godzilla vs. The Thing by AIP in ’64) has Godzilla squaring off against Mothra. Both DVDs offer the original Japanese and American versions, as well as original trailers, featurettes and commentaries. If you’re a rubber monster freak, don’t even think of hesitating before buying these. Okay, these two are my Picks to Click as well. Shit, same for the Bava set. This is gonna be a tough week.

Oh, man, and then there’s The Acid Eaters/Weed from Image and Something Weird. It’s an incredible one-two punch of drug madness from the sick, sick Sixties – Acid Eaters has a foursome of square couples (including the buxotic Pat Barrington) attaining ecstasy through LSD on a weekend getaway (which climaxes in an orgy and murder atop a giant pyramid!), and Weed is a thoroughly mental pot documentary directed by porn filmmaker Alex De Renzy (Femmes De Sade, Long Jeanne Silver). The usual barrage of nutzoid extras is included, the best of which is LSD: Insight or Insanity? an anti-acid educational movie narrated by the soon-to-be murdered Sal Mineo, and trailers for The Hard Road, Smoke and Flesh, and the hippie musical Sign of Aquarius. Yeah, better make that a Pick to Click too.

What else is on deck this week? Well, Fox has the original Bedazzled, one of the best counterculture comedy/fantasies of the late ‘60s, with Dudley Moore as a sheepish cook who gets a chance at fame and glory thanks to the Devil (Peter Cook), and Raquel Welch as Lillian Lust. Need I say more about that? Sleazegrinder is a big fan of the animated series Tom Goes to The Mayor (Turner), which arrives in its complete network run. I’ll let him fill you in about it – Sleaze?

Tom Peters is a vest wearin’ patsy with lots of hare-brained ideas. The mayor is certifiably insane. Together, the run roughshod over the quaintly generic town of Jefferton in this wildly anarchic collection. All 31 episodes of this groundbreaking (and, some would tell you, painfully grating) Adult Swim abortion are collected here with tons of hilarious extras. Not since Squigglevision has an animation style been so hotly contested (the show was basically a series of modified video stills), but trust me on this one, TGTTM is worth the eye-burn. Rats off to ya! -SG

There’s also the Kunoichi Collection from Tokyo Shock, which presents two low-budget female ninja action titles --Kunoichi Deadly Mirage and Lady Ninja – from Japan circa ’97 and ’98. Apparently, they’re the sixth and seventh in a series of films, and offer some horror elements, as well as a smattering of nudity. That oughta be enough for some of you. Speaking of Asian action, Image also has The Shadow Whip, another excellent Shaw Brothers period piece, with vets Cheng Pei-Pei and Yuen Ha squaring off in a search for a legendary fighter known as the Shadow Whip. Old school Black Belt Theater action in spades, to be sure.

In the lunatic department, there’s the underrated ‘70s Canadian thriller The Silent Partner (Lions Gate), about a bank teller (Elliot Gould) who outsmarts a devious criminal (Christopher Plummer) during a robbery, and lives to regret it; more recent, and definitely worth a look-see, is Matthew Bright’s incredible white-trash suspense pic Freeway (Republic), with Reese Witherspoon as a feral teen hooker and Keifer Sutherland as the serial killer who aims to add her to his body count. Republic’s DVD is widescreen, FYI. And though I have no idea as to the quality of the movie, I’m surprised that anyone made Karla (Monterey Video), which is based on the stunningly awful murders committed by Canadian husband-and-wife killers Karla Homolka (played by Laura Prepon) and Paul Bernardo.

In the last but not least department: Bottom Feeder (Peacearch) pits sewer monsters against a furiously detoxing Tom Sizemore; Zombies Gone Wild (Westlake) is a goony flesh-eater comedy which gets a nod because the publicist included a bottle of Zombie Hot Sauce in my mailer; Led Zeppelin: Way Down Inside (Petal) purports to offer exclusive vintage interviews with Plant, Page, and the boys; The Best Moments of The Amazing Kreskin (VEI) offers the ‘70s TV mentalist’s most eye-popping (?) feats of psychic ability; The Mentors: El Duce Vita (MVD )is a smorgasbord of puke-rock clips and interviews with the late El Duce and his hooded co-conspirators; and The War on the War on Drugs (Disinformation) is a woozy cocktail of anti-drug propaganda from our deeply wrong-headed educational movie heritage.

And from the last and most likely least blotter: Girls Gone Wild: The Ultimate Spring Break Collection (Mantra); Big Bad Busty Brittney and Her Friends (Napali), which stars XXX chest queen Brittney O’Neil in softcore action; Best of Extreme Booty, Vols. 1-2 (Too Clean Entertainment), which has lots and lots of big black asses at Spring Break and elsewhere; and from the evocatively titled Juicy Plum Inc, a tsunami of Asian softcore crap, including the Sexy Japanese Oil Wrestling series (the Hello Cutie Edition, Yam Yam Edition, and Gimme Sum Edition) and Sexy Babes from Japan series (Pool Pleasures, Freaky Fun, and Me So Horny). I don’t need to give you any plot details on these, do I? __________________________________________________