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Okay, so I took a couple of weeks off. Sue me. Picks to Click:
Also from VCI is a Collector’s Edition release of Samuel Fuller’s classic 1963 thriller The Naked Kiss. Oh, I can already hear some of you complaining: black and white? Boring… well, stow that bilge talk, sailor, ‘cause trust me, you’ve never seen anything like The Naked Kiss. In short: ex-prostitute flees her pimp and secludes herself in a small town, where she attempts to reform her life by working with sick and crippled children. But evil – and I mean, real, hideous evil – and prejudice is afoot, even in this idyllic burg, and that only means one thing for our ex-working girl: a Bad, Bad Ending. Amazing, hot-boiled psycho-noir from one of America’s best directors, and the DVD includes interviews with his family and members of the cast. Get it. Titles from the Crypt:
Also timed for release to coincide with a new project is the 1978 version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers (MGM) – that’s the very creepy one with Donald Sutherland and Jeff Goldblum discovering that their San Francisco neighbors are slowly being taken over by what at first appears to be cotton candy from outer space. Said muck turns out to be much more sinister in purpose by the film’s end, which closes on what easily ranks as one of the most disturbing fade-outs in movie history. MGM’s two-disc set includes commentary by director Philip Kaufman, interviews with Goldbum and co-star Leonard Nimoy, and featurettes on the film’s cinematography, sound design, and special effects. Don’t bother with that bore-fest in theaters with Nicole Kidman – you wanna get scared by pods, you start here.
Horror Business: Mustang Sally’s Horror House (MTIideo.com) is low-budget splatter junk about a group of horny college boys who head over to the local whorehouse to get their pipes cleaned, only to discover that the madam (played by E.G. Daily!) and her working girls are actually killers! Whoo, scary! Not much nudity to speak of, but E.G. still looks lovely. And Vacancy (Sony) offers the big bucks version of this story – Kate Beckinsale and Luke Wilson pull into an off-the-beaten-path motel, only to discover that the owners are actually killers! Whoo, scary! Kate trumps E.G. in my book, but either way, there’s some nice eye candy to go with the grue.
The Severed Head Network (Elite) is a compilation of short “extreme” horror films and videos from the folks at Wicked Pixel, while Borderline Cult (Lionsgate) is another true-horror movie from Ulli Lommel, this time focusing on the string of murders of women in Juarez, Mexico. Expect the usual barrage of stock footage and nonsensical storytelling from Herr Lommel, I would think. Far more worth your time is Antibodies (Dark Sky), an unsettling serial killer-thriller from Germany about a small town cop who comes under the influence of a savage child murderer. It’s thoughtful and unsettling, which is a refreshing alternative from the “cool killer” vibe that’s been plaguing horror movies for a while. The two-disc set includes a making-of featurette and interview with the director, among other features. Mu-Sick:
Meanwhile, another foursome of older guys show how it really gets done with Heaven and Hell: Live from Radio City Music Hall (Rhino), which includes their entire run-through of Dio-era Sabbath tunes (including a 15-minute take on “Heaven and Hell,” natch), plus two new tunes and a tour documentary. There’s also a two-CD live album, but that limited edition set – with the CDs, DVD, tour program, and other goodies, won’t be out until September 25. And lastly, there’s more junkie business from MVD with Who’s Been Talking? Johnny Thunders in Concert, which puts the not-long-for-this-world Mr. T. in front of a crowd in Japan in 1991 with the backing of The Odd Balls. Weird-Ohs:
I fell asleep in the theater. Although I bought the DVD anyway. Plus, I watched a bootleg copy like 5 times. So whatever. You’re on your own. -Sleaze
No less horrifying and bewildering, but sadly, all too real, is Blood in the Face (First Run Features), a 1991 documentary about the American Nazi Party and the Aryan Nation that delves deeply into their warped beliefs courtesy interviews conducted by, among others, a pre-Roger and Me Michael Moore. The subject matter is dizzying in its awfulness, and no matter how hard the filmmakers try to defang their subjects by letting them display their sub-humanoid educations, you’ll still get chills up your spine. Recommended, and highly. Not so recommended, but equally chilling, is 1984’s Body Rock (Anchor Bay), with an oiler-than-usual Lorenzo Lamas as a not-so-young teen caught up in the breakdancing and rap world. Fans should take note of Cameron Dye from Valley Girl and Grace Zabriskie (Big Love) as Lorenzo’s mom, and do their best to cover their ears for LL’s rap debut, “Smooth Talker.” Wack, to say the least.
Movies for Your Penis
Old school teen smut comes your way courtesy MGM, which offers up Meatballs 4 (not as funny as Meatballs 2, but way better than Meatballs 3) – it’s the last movie to feature Jack Nance of Eraserhead, and one that kept Corey Feldman in car payments – and Ski School, which (no lie) had 104 signatures on an online petition to have it released on DVD. Hope you boys are happy.
Lastly, there’s Xperimental Eros (Other Cinema), a compilation of ten short underground features from documentarians and arthouse directors, all focused on the dirty dirty. Highlights include “King of Porn,” about a former Library of Congress curator with a staggering collection of smut, and “Sneakin’ and Peeking,” which offers a cringe-inducing look at desperate guys snapping pics at a nudist camp. Asian Persuasion 1993’s Crime Story (Dragon Dynasty) has Jackie Chan taking it seriously as a cop on the hunt for the kidnappers of a wealthy businessman. Directed with energy to spare by the underrated Kirk Wong (The Big Hit), and featuring some typically spectacular stunts from Jackie, Crime Story is a worthwhile addition to your Hong Kong action collection. Extras include commentary by and interviews with Wong and screenwriter Teddy Chan, plus deleted scenes and the US and Hong Kong trailers. Also on the Asian action front: Takashi Miike’s 2002 remake of Kinji Fukasaku’s incredible yakuza thriller Graveyard of Honor (Animeigo), about a low-level dishwasher who climbs the ranks of organized crime after saving the life of a mob boss. Miike’s version is somewhat slower (and longer) than Fukasaku’s breakneck original, but it’s still worth see, if mostly for Miike completists. The two-disc set includes interviews with the director and cast and making-of featurettes. Meanwhile, Lionsgate has Drunken Monkey, which reunites Shaw Brothers martial arts stars like Gordon Liu (Kill Bill) and Lau Kar Leung (who also directed) in this by-the-books but action-packed kung fu fest, and BCI brings the old-school swordfighting with 1968’s Duel at the Supreme Gate, starring Betty Loh Ti in one of her final roles as a blade-swinging sister. BCI also has another installment of their great Welcome to the Grindhouse series, this time devoted to headbuster supreme Sonny Chiba in the dubbed, US versions of The Bodyguard (watch Sonny split a Coke bottle in half with his hands) and Sister Street Fighter (Sonny and Sue Shiomi whip miles of ass). Both features come with plenty of trailers for other BCI exploitation titles, which makes for a fun and funky evening in your crib of choice. Lastly, Lady Ninja Kasumi, Vol. 1 (Media Blasters) concerns a group of nuns with hidden martial arts skills who take on a horde of demons; said skills include bolts of lightning from their breasts and shock waves from their punani. Yeah, you read that right.
Bargain Basement:
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-Paul Gaita
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Here’s just a quick
rundown of what you’ll find in Teruo Ishii’s Horrors of Malformed Men
(
Equally
mind-boggling, though sadly not a work of fiction is 
For some reason,
there’s a small but loyal cult built around the 1980 Flash Gordon
(Universal) movie – I remember rolling my eyes over this camp fest at the
age of 10 (and believe me, I loved all kinds of shit back then), but
apparently, there were enough people who dug the rancid Queen soundtrack
and Sam J. Jones’ deadweight performance as Flash (okay, Max Von Sydow was
cool as Ming, and Ornella Muti as his daughter – hotcha!) to warrant this
DVD release (the new TV version on Sci-Fi probably had something to do
with it too). Sadly, there’s very little by way of extras – a chat with
screenwriter Lorenzo Semple and a 15-minute clip of the original 1933
serial. Have at it, if that turns your crank.
Speaking of classic
sci-fi, you can also pick up a double bill of War of the Worlds
(the original, from ’53, with those creepy, snakeheaded Martian saucers)
and When Worlds Collide from Paramount, or you can pony up for yet
another special edition of Robocop (MGM), this time celebrating its
20th Anniversary Edition with a two-disc set that features both
the theatrical cut and the longer and more graphic extended cut on two
discs, as well as interviews with the film’s memorable cast of villains,
director Paul Verhoeven, special effects creator Phil Tippett, and the
cast and crew, as well as deleted scenes and trailers. It’s still a great,
super-violent (and really funny) movie that says more than a low-budget
action-thriller should about American culture, so if you don’t have any of
the previous (now out of print) editions, it should be in your collection.
Oh, and MGM has more superior ‘60s TV science fiction with The Outer
Limits (Original Series): Season One, Volume Two, which includes “The
Mutant,” with Warren Oates as a miner who develops giant fried-egg eyes,
and “The Invisibles,” an alarming spy-horror story about a secret
organization that controls members by a hideous, spider-like alien that
attaches to spinal cords! 
Tie-in
releases aren’t only for the science fiction shelf this week.
For laughs (and who
doesn’t need ‘em?), you could do worse than pick up
Paramount’s Cheech and
Chong double bill of Up in Smoke and Still Smokin’, or get
fresh with the ex-Mystery Science Theater 3000 guys in The Film
Crew as they mangle Killers from Space (Shout! Factory). And for Eurosleaze (and who doesn’t need that?),
the fine folks at Deimos have two more amazing restored
editions of Spanish scareflicks from the ‘70s – Night of the Sorcerers,
from Blind Dead director Amando De Ossorio, is eye-popping trash
with naked vampire witches in leopard-skin bikinis preying on a safari
expedition, while Exorcism is a rare non-Wolfman role for Paul
Naschy as a priest who takes on a Satanic cult in an attempt to rid a
young woman of an evil spirit. Naschy is interviewed on the Exorcism
disc, and both DVDs feature lots of alternate takes (read: the actresses
have their clothes on), English language subtitles, and theatrical
trailers. And Mondo Macabro returns after a
far-too-long hiatus with The Blood Rose, a 1970 French title about
an artist who taps an unscrupulous surgeon to reconstruct his wife’s
disfigured face. It’s a heady mix of Jess Franco-style surgical fetish
(complete with Jess’s own Dr. Orlof, Howard Vernon, as the surgeon) and
dreamy Euro-style sex fantasy. Nice, very sick stuff, as we’ve grown to
expect from Mondo Macabro.
Meanwhile,
Anchor
Bay has two more second-season episodes of Masters of Horror –
“Valerie on the Stairs,” from a story by Clive Barker and directed by
series producer Mick Garris, is a limp ghost tale about a writer plagued
by the spirit of a dead girl in a boarding house, while Tom (Fright
Night) Holland’s “We All Scream for Ice Cream” is an offbeat
revenge-from-the-grave story about a simple-minded ice cream truck driver
who wants retribution from his killers. You can also buy the entire first
season of Masters with the Season One Box Set. I’d hold out
for Season Two, but that’s just me.
Hated
Scum rock of a
different strain is all over KISS: KISSology Vol. 2 1978-1991
(VH1
Classics), a four-disc set that offers, among other things, concert
footage from the cash rockers in Australia, Brazil, Portugal, Tokyo, and
back in the States in Philadelphia and Detroit. You also get music videos,
the MTV “Unmasking” special, the infamous Tom Snyder appearance (minus Ace
tossing off sieg heils to the camera), live performances of The Elder
from Fridays, and the whole goddamn KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park,
if you can believe that.
Slaughtering cartoon
animals never looked like so much fun as it does in Happy Tree Friends
– Season One, Vol. Three (
Anyway, the two-disc
Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters for DVD (Turner)
includes commentary by, among others, Patti Smith (!), a making-of featurette, an 80-minute alternate cut of the movie, a staggering amount
of deleted scenes and alternate endings, a music video with Master Shake
and Nashville Pussy, and numerous promos from Adult Swim. Should be enough
for you, no?
Oh, and for a
full-on head scramble, dive into On the Silver Globe (Polart), from
Polish director Andrzej Zulawski, who’s best known in these parts for the
head-scratching horror-art pic Possession. Globe is even
more baffling – it’s best described as a science fiction head movie about
a trio of astronauts stranded on the dark side of the moon who lead
worshipful tribes of incestuous primitives, and a fourth astronaut who
arrives to make sense of the trio’s crash. Copious sex and violence make
the 160-minute running time somewhat palatable, but Zulawski seems
determined to throw his audience off any comprehensible notion (which is
compounded by the fact that several minutes of the film were destroyed,
leaving him to describe them to viewers in voice-over). For those who
didn’t feel too confused and alienated by El Topo or 
Gettin’
It
Meanwhile,
bigger boys will undoubtedly appreciate 
On
the Eurosmut side, there’s Vanessa (
Meanwhile,
Speaking
of freaky (aren’t we always, though?),
What’s
that? You’re outta dough after buying everything from this list? Silly
thing… you know there are a few extra bucks between the sofa cushions (or
in your boyfriend’s wallet/girlfriend’s purse – go ahead and get it, and
tell ‘em I said it was okay). Scrape ‘em up and pick up Pendulum’s
Tomb of Terrors 50 Movie Pack (