I did not see Beowulf (Paramount), because I thought that its much-celebrated CGI had the same dead-fish look as director Robert Zemeckis’ previous effort in this regard, the gruesome Polar Express, and not even the promise of a sleek and naked Angelina Jolie or Crispin Glover as a Dixie-fried version of the monster Grendel could lure me into the theater. I believe that Sleazegrinder Himself saw it, so I’ll let him give you the straight dope about it.

Crispin was intense. Angelina Jolie was naked. The dragon was awesome. - Sleaze

There’s an unrated DVD as well as a director’s cut dropping today, so if Beowulf turned your crank, you have plenty of ways on which to show your appreciation.

Pointless Side Note: I was a big fan of a modern translation of Beowulf when I was in grade school (I just read the parts with the monsters), and my pal Dave, who was given to outlandish mispronunciations, frequently referred to it as “Beef-Awow.” Back then, it was still okay to laugh at learning disabilities.

Speaking of turning cranks, Melissa George was far too clothed in 30 Days of Night (Sony), but the vampires-in-Alaska pic was still one of my favorites from 2007. How come? The lack of a romantic vibe to its vampires helped a lot, as did the relentlessly ugly violence (more often than not, vampire attacks in movies seem more like social faux pas than horrific assaults) and energetic direction by David Slade (Hard Candy). Yeah, star Josh Hartnett is a bit of a drip (tho less so here than ever before), but there was plenty of fine support by Danny Huston (as the scary head vampire) and Ben Foster (as the rotten-mouthed Renfield figure). And did I mention Melissa George? Nice-looking girl, that one. The DVD includes a bunch of making-of featurettes and commentary by Harnett, producer Robert Tapert and oh yeah, Melissa George.

Here’s the redband theatrical trailer, which means it has plenty of violence (but far too little Melissa George), as well as a clip from the movie:

On the old school front, Blue Underground has revived Jorge Grau’s terrific Spanish-Italian zombie thriller The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue in a two-disc set that’s a substantial improvement over the old Anchor Bay release. The movie itself is still one of the best, if not the best of the European Romero knockoffs (here, the dead come back to life courtesy sonic experiments designed to eliminate crop pests, which adds a nice bit of socio-political commentary to the bloodletting), and the special effects (courtesy Giannetto De Rossi) should please gore hounds. The two-disc DVD includes the original European trailer as well as the U.S. version (released as Don’t Open the Window), and new interview featurettes with Grau (who revisits many of the film’s original locations), star Ray Lovelock, and De Rossi. Nitpickers may note a new title card for this version, but really, if that’s your biggest strike against the DVD, you need to get out more often.

Break bread with the living dead! It’s the 1975 trailer for Don’t Open the Window:

Blue Underground has also revived four fine Italian giallos, which were previously available some years ago from Anchor Bay as part of a four-disc set. Euro-sploitation fans will each have their respective favorites; for me, it’s The Case of the Bloody Iris (a.k.a. What Are Those Strange Drops of Blood Doing on Jennifer’s Body? – whatta title!), a sexed-up psycho-thriller with the foxy Edwige Fenech as a model who moves into an apartment in which two murders took place – and finds herself the killer’s newest target. Also available are Short Night of Glass Dolls, with Jean Sorel as a paralyzed man who tries to recount how he ended up on a morgue slab; The Bloodstained Shadow, with brother Lino Capolicchio and Craig Hill attempting to solve a rash of murders in their home town, and a score by Goblin; and Who Saw Her Die?, with one-shot 007 George Lazenby as the father of a murdered girl who discovers a list of possible suspects, including an underground cult of child killers. Each of the DVDs comes with the original trailer; director Aldo Lado (Night Train Murders) is interviewed on Who Saw Her Die? and Glass Dolls, while Antonio Bido is featured on Bloodstained Shadow.

The Case of the Bloody Iris is lousy with zoom-ins, and here’s a 55-second compilation of them:

Oh, and believe it or not, but Winterbeast is available on DVD. The loopiest of the direct-to-video horror pics of the early ‘90s, Winterbeast concerns with two goony park rangers investigating the link between a series of attacks by living totem poles, stop-motion monsters, and the title creature with the local Wild Goose Lodge and its weird-o owner. Shot in lovely Newbury, Massachusetts (enjoy those thick regional accents), Winterbeast is sort of the George H.W. Bush-era answer to Shriek of the Mutilated – a logic-free goof with reams of memorable dialogue and performances and some spectacularly awful special effects. The filmmakers seem to have taken the decades of critical brickbats lodged at their movie with remarkable good humor – so much so, in fact, that they’re releasing it on DVD themselves through their own website!

You really aren’t prepared to see the trailer, but here it is all the same:

Them (Dark Sky) is a remarkably effective French chiller about a couple under siege by unseen forces in a remote house in Bucharest. Don’t expect much by way of an explanation for the frantic goings-on, or even who the couple is – Them is mostly a Swiss-precision exercise in how to scare an audience silly while showing as little as possible. Too bad the directors, David Moreau and Xavier Palud, got stuck with that dreary remake of The Eye as their follow-up. The DVD includes making-of featurettes and an interview with composer Rene-Marc Bini.

Check it out, Jean-Luc – it’s the original French trailer:

Oh, and if Them has you in the mood for more French horror, there’s also Nature Morte (Redemption), a DV suspense pic about an art expert who is hired to examine a series of ten paintings allegedly created by a recently deceased serial killer. Jess Franco seems to love it, which may or may not be a positive thing in your book. Or you can check out Broceliande (BCI Eclipse), a 2002 supernatural-themed chiller about Druids pursuing an archaeology student. Insert brie jokes here.

Otherwise, your choices in the Scary Department this week are The Rage (Universal), which is about a “rage virus” that turns the infected into speed-crazy killers… I believe you’ve already seen this movie (several times), but the effects are completely berserk (this may be the first movie to feature mutated, acid-spewing vulture monsters) and there’s a terrific over-the-top performance by Andrew (Wishmaster, Lost) Divoff. A Bloody Aria (ImaginAsian) is a vicious Korean black comedy about a music professor and his student who run afoul of four backwoods cretins, with predictable awful results. There’s some social commentary floating about in the bloody soup, some of which works and some of which doesn’t. Dark Chamber (Shock-O-Rama) is a new thriller that, according to the DVD’s cover art, is based on the Ricky Kasso/”Say You Love Satan” killings. That’s not the case at all, but the picture – about a guy who investigates the occult-related murder of a neighbor at his father’s apartment – is a pretty taut and well-made suspense effort and an impressive debut for director Dave Campfield. And for those who love Sleepaway Camp (you know who you are), Felissa Rose and Desiree Gold are featured in the cast.

Oh, and Media Blasters has the three-disc Demons Triple Feature, which bundles together Bruno Mattei’s nutcake nunsploitation effort The Other Hell with Lamberto Bava’s Demons 3: The Ogre (not a real Demons sequel, but a fairytale-style monster movie) and Umberto Lenzi’s Black Demons, which is also known as Demons 3 and features voodoo-fied zombies attacking a Brazilian plantation.

The Voyeur (Cult Epics) is a typically lush and ass-obsessed softcore production from Italy’s Tinto Brass about a university professor who finds himself turning into a peeping tom while everyone around him – his sexed-up wife, his bed-ridden father, his students – are Getting It On. If this were an American sexploitation flick, everything would end bad for our prof, but since it’s Brass behind the camera, the end result is decidedly upbeat in its own offbeat way. God bless Tinto. The film is available in both an Italian director’s cut and an English-language producer’s cut; both DVDs include interviews with Brass and actress Angelita Franco.

Mamma mia, here’s the trailer!

Perverts should note that The Sick and Twisted Horror of Joanna Angel (Halo 8) contains the “unrated” version of Ms. Angel’s horror-porn hybrids Re-Penetrator and The XXXorcist, both of which are fitfully amusing for fans of the Burning Angel queen and those who enjoy lots and lots of fluids in their jerkoff material. A making-of documentary is included for both features, as well as three alternate endings for XXXorcist.

 Oh, and National Lampoon has thrown its weight behind a feature-length version of Jake’s Booty Call, those obnoxious Flash-animated sex cartoons with the choose-your-own-adventure vibe. The premise here has jug-headed Jake assisting the king-to-be of an Asian country in getting laid; trouble arrives in the form of the king’s brother, who aspires to the throne himself, attempts to carry out an assassination. Your fondness for R-rated cartoon humping and endless amounts of faux hipster babble will be the deciding factor in devoting 90 minutes of your life to this movie. Or, maybe you’ll find a really good book to read instead. Or spend some quality time with your pets. Or rearrange your underwear. No pressure – just giving you some options.

The Legend of the Black Scorpion (Dragon Dynasty) is essentially Shakespeare’s Hamlet set in ancient China, with Zhang Ziyi as the Queen Gertrude figure, and Daniel Wu as the Chinese version of the melancholy Dane, who broods over the murder of his father by his scheming uncle (You Ge). Add to that setup lots and lots of wire kung fu and swordfighting (and an inordinate amount of blood), as well as some impressive visuals and opulent sets, and you’ve got a martial arts flick that’s as much about substance and story as visual effects and fighting. The DVD includes expert commentary by Bey Logan, as well as making-of featurettes, interviews with Wu and director Feng Xiaogang, as well as deleted scenes.

Meanwhile, Media Blasters boxes up Takashi Miike’s yakuza dramas Family and Family 2 as The Miike Collection 2. Neither are his best gangster pics – they’re more ‘80s-style action pieces than his usual mix of personal drama and ultra-violence – but completists will be happy to have both at hand.

Didja sleep on our stupefying Barn of the Naked Dead DVD giveaway from Legend House last week? If so, you got no one to blame but yourself, Jack, because both copies, which were personally autographed by Johnny Legend, were grabbed up by Sam Guillerand, who digs Sleazegrinder.com from the confines of his velvet-lined underground compound in France, and Zac “The Alabama Hammer” Hammersmythe, who drives all the girls in hotpants wild in the Deep South. Congrats, you lucky bastards.

No contest this week, but we’ve got a killer-diller on deck for the near future, so keep your peepers fixed here!

Meanwhile, back in the jungle…

Mr. Warmth: The Don Rickles Project (Vivendi) is director John Landis’ very likable documentary about the man they call Rickles, who’s still knocking ‘em back in their seats at casinos across the U.S. (just ask Sleazegrinder, who was labeled a “U-boat captain” by the Merchant of Venom at a 2007 date in Atlantic City). As biographies go, this one sticks to the Who, What and Why of Rickles - there’s very little by way of dirt or psychological motivation for his comedy, but you will get plenty of testimony to his particular genius from Martin Scorsese and Robert De Niro, Sarah Silverman, Chris Rock, Richard Lewis, and a Friar’s Club worth of similar star-type talent. And best of all, you get a lot of Rickles, who at 80-some-odd, remains as vicious as ever in his natural habitat (Vegas).

Submitted for your approval: a clip of Rickles riffing on Anthony Quinn and Ricardo Montalban (who else?) from Mr. Warmth:

Speaking of U-boat captains, there are sons of Deutschland aplenty in The German Expressionism Collection (Kino), a four-disc collection of atmospheric silent horror and thriller pics from ‘20s-era Germany. How much you understand about German expressionism (deep shadows, stark cinematography, Freudian themes, huge influence on American horror movies of the ‘30s and ‘40s) won’t have much impact on your enjoyment of this set, which includes the classic Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, The Hands of Orlac (about a pianist who loses his hands, gets new ones from a murderer, and develops an urge to kill), and the lesser-known Warning Shadows (surreal thriller about a mysterious traveler whose puppet show throws a dinner party into psychological turmoil) and Secrets of a Soul (scientist with a fear of knives is treated by a shrink for nightmares that drive him to murder his wife). It’s classy, heady stuff, and the Caligari disc is loaded with extras; show these to that Goth girl or guy you’ve been pining for, and you’ve got it made, Mandrake.

Here’s a clip from an English-language edition of Caligari:

It’s been a while since I’ve seen any of Mexican wrestling legend Santo’s movies on legit DVD, but Xenon rights that wrong with one of the Silver Masked Man’s looniest titles – Santo contra los Asesinos de Otros Mundo (Santo vs. the Killers from Another World). In a nutshell, Santo is called upon to defeat a super villain who employs a…. well, it looks like a dirty, balled-up bed sheet that devours people, but believe me, it’s evil. Quality lucha action from 1971, and you really can’t have enough of that in your life.

Okay, so Spiral (Anchor Bay) isn’t a horror movie per se – it’s more an aspiring-to-Hitchcock thriller about an antisocial nebbish (co-writer/co-director Joel David Moore) whose deep-seated weirdo vibe fails to keep Amber Tamblyn from finding him oddly fascinating (to her detriment, as you’ll discover). But I’m not gonna break down every fucking movie on this list by its subgenre, so live with it. Besides, Moore’s co-director was Adam Green, who made the childish slasher tribute Hatchet, and who manages to show admirable restraint here. It’s not a perfect movie, but the Seattle atmosphere is suitably gloomy, and Moore (who’s currently erasing The Hottie and the Nottie from his resume) is a believable headcase with an ugly secret. The double twist at the end, however, will either wow you or make you slap your forehead for blowing another 90 minutes on a low-budget indie. Just saying.

Otherwise, your choices are Shannyn Sossamon and Pink running from monsters under the streets of Paris in Catacombs (Lionsgate), or alligator vs. tourist action (this time, based on a true story!) in Black Water (Sony). Or you can check out The Perfect Witness (First Look), which used to be called The Ungodly but still stars Wes Bentley as a filmmaker who blackmails a serial killer into starring in his latest documentary. Maybe that’s a little highbrow for ya – well, there’s Forest Primeval (Tempe), the latest from the Polonia Brothers (Splatter Farm, Splatter Beach, Feeders), and judging from the trailer, it’s got monsters in the woods, monsters in naked girls’ dreams, monsters chopping off paintball guys’ heads – in short, a lotta monsters. And that’s not exactly a bad thing.

In case you’re on the fence about Forest Primeval, here’s the trailer:

There’s also Revamped (MTI), about a businessman who discovers an underground war between humans and monsters after being bitten by a vampire. Sounds like Underworld, to be sure, but actually, it’s a low-budget horror-comedy (gulp), and it’s got a huge cast of B-movie types and other direct-to-video castaways – you’ve got Fred Williamson, Vernon Wells from The Road Warrior, Sam J. Jones (Flash fucking Gordon!), Billy Drago, Reggie Bannister, ex-Hawks drummer Mickey Jones, and even Kato Kaelin. I dunno how good the movie is, but it sounds like it was a heck of a good time at the craft services table on this one.

Your best bet (depending on your taste for J-horror) is probably Nightmare Detective (Dimension Extreme), the latest from Shinya Tsukamoto of Tetsuo and Tokyo Fist fame; it’s probably his most mainstream feature to date, but the story – about a man with the ability to enter people’s dreams who becomes involved in a series of suicides committed by sleeping people – is chock full of his signature headtrip visuals and full-throttle hysteria. The DVD includes a documentary on Tsukamoto as well as a making-of featurette.

Here’s the trailer, if you think you’re ready for it:

 And speaking of Asian weirdness…

Tokyo Shock has the lock this week on movie lunacy from the Land of the Rising Sun – Girl Boss Revenge is the fourth entry in the long-running Girl Boss series from the early ‘70s, and like its predecessors, it positively reeks with leering mobsters and reform school girls gone amuck. This time around, a gang of escaped girl delinquents wreak brutal revenge on the sadistic underworld goons who abused them; Norifumi Suzuki, director of the thoroughly insane School of the Holy Beast, is behind the camera for this one, so expect your head to spin at least four times during its running time. Also on deck from Tokyo Shock is Zebraman, a 2005 comedy (of sorts) from Takashi Miike about a put-upon schoolteacher whose sole source of enjoyment is to dress up like his childhood TV hero, Zebraman – and is then forced to make like Zebraman when a full-fledged alien invasion breaks out in his hometown. Extras include a faux 1978 trailer for the “Zebraman” show and interview with the singer of its theme song, as well as the original trailer – which you can dig right here:

TAD: Busting Circuits and Ringing Ears (MVD) is a thorough documentary on the impossibly heavy (literally and figuratively) Seattle outfit which got lost in the great alternative music shuffle of the early ‘90s.  The disc covers the band’s progression from frontman Tad Doyle’s homemade single to its tenure as one of the Northwest’s biggest sonic bonecrushers; the ugly years, which included lawsuits from Pepsi and the freaks on the cover of 8-Way Santa, as well as the band’s rampant drug use and misadventures with a big label, also get the full treatment. Tad Doyle’s still alive (and fronting a new group, Brothers of the Sonic Cloth) and is seen in interviews, as well as in his first meeting with Kurt Danielson in years.

Meanwhile, MVD also continues to release Target Video’s impossibly rare and superb live footage from the ‘80s punk scene; this time around, San Francisco’s Flipper is the focus in Flipper: Live – Target Video 1980-1981, a collection of mostly unreleased live performances from in and around the Bay Area, and featuring the band’s original lineup. Want a glimpse?

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Two lucky malcontents can win the brand spankin’ new Barn of the Naked Dead DVD from Johnny Legend’s DVD label, Legend House! As I mentioned in this column a few weeks ago, this one outsicks some of the sickest exploitation of the 1970s – in a nutshell, it’s about a crazed desert rat (the great Andrew Prine of Grizzly and Simon, King of the Witches fame) who forces a trio of showgirls to act like animals in his personal psycho circus! Add to that an atomic mutant lurking on the premises, loads of crackpot mental behavior, a smattering of nudity and bondage, and you’ve got a trash film freakout without compare! The DVD (which is uncut and letterboxed) also includes a lengthy interview with Prine about his grindhouse career, as well as the latest edition of Johnny’s video zine Gore Beat, which features interviews with Fred Olen Ray, John Landis, Brian (Re-Animator) Yuzna, and the legendary Ray Dennis Steckler! Oh, and if that’s not enough for ya, both DVDs are personally signed by Johnny Legend hisself! For your chance to win, send your name AND address (gotta send em both) to me at paul.gaita@gmail.com. Subject line: Get Naked with Johnny Legend! Winners will be announced in the next column.

Meanwhile, back in the jungle…

Jeez, it’s another slow week for sleaze in DVD Town. No matter – there are still a few choice titles on shelves this week. If I was you, I’d give up my ducats for Supersuckers: Live at Helldorado (Munster; distributed by Cobraside and Light in the Attic– it’s two hours plus of Thee Mighty Ones rocking a whole lotta asses Spain, as well as four songs shot in Serbia, a discography, and a fistful of videos. Oh, and the double-sided DVD plays in both NTSC and PAL machines, so fret not, people from other countries. Cobraside also has The Nomads: Live in Madrid, which spotlights the veteran Swedish garage creatures as they celebrate their 25^th anniversary at the Gruta77 Club. Check out the action here:

I’m also partial to 3 Bullets for Ringo (a.k.a Three Graves for a Winchester), a fun 1966 spaghetti Western starring movie musclemen Mickey Hargitay and Gordon Mitchell as one-time saddle pals who face off over a woman. It’s from Wild East Productions, a boutique label that seems to specialize in Italian exploitation of all stripes, but with a special emphasis on the Westerns. You can dig the trailer here:

Otherwise, there’s Zapped (MGM), with current reality show star Scott Baio as a high school nerd who develops psychic powers after a lab accident. Naturally, Scott uses his new-found skills to pop the buttons on girls’ blouses (including ‘80s bedroom poster queen Heather Thomas) and eyeball some up-skirt action. Willie Aames is in there too, and Scatman Crothers, of all people.

At first blush, The Amateurs (First Look) reads as sleazy as Zapped – it’s about a down-and-out divorcee who believes that he can win his ex-wife back by making amateur porn – but in reality, it’s a pretty gentle comedy cut from the Coen Brothers cloth. Jeff Bridges is the would-be director, and he’s surrounded by a good cast (Ted Danson, Patrick Fugit, Joe Pantoliano, Lauren Graham, William Fichtner, Tim Blake Nelson) who do their best with the lightweight script. You ask me, the film coulda used a lot more scenes with Judy Greer in her underwear.

Don’t want all that dialogue to get in the way of your skin cinema? You can check out Volumes One of Hungarian Wrestling (Amazons Product), which features “100% real competitive topless wrestling.” Or you can go the classier route with French Catfight, which offers “five sculptural athletes” in three bouts. Not sure what sculptural means, but I’m sure that doesn’t make a difference. Oh, and those true patriots who only love all-American wrestling girls can swell with national pride (ahem) over Wrestling Vixens – The New Era (Big Sound), which features five grappling gals in various states of undress.

On the martial arts front, there’s The Royal Tramp Collection (Dragon Dynasty), a two-fer of Stephen (Kung Fu Hustle) Chow’s comedies about a con man who becomes involved in the imperial court of China. Both Royal Tramp and Royal Tramp II were massive hits in Asia thanks to Chow’s astonishing physical skills and scads of lowbrow humor. The two-disc set includes commentary by kung fu expert Bey Logan, an interview with director/co-writer Wong Ling, and the original trailers.

Dig the trailer for Royal Tramp here:

There’s also Shaolin Intruders (Image), a late-period Shaw Brothers feature about a trio of fighters who must clear their names in a series of robberies by tracking down the Shaolin monks who appear to be the real thieves; Image also has the Four Swords set, which partners up four ‘70s Shaw Brothers classics: Have Sword Will Travel, Vengeance is a Golden Blade, The Water Margin (the original international version), and The Wandering Swordsman.

 Feast yer peepers on the new trailer for Vengeance is a Golden Blade:



 

Also available is Lethal Force, an indie spoof/tribute to ‘70s kung-fu and cop action that’s developed quite an underground following. The DVD (from Unearthed) includes commentary by director Alvin Ecarma and his cast and crew, as well as several of Ecarma’s short films.

As for horror business, well, there’s Red Room (Unearthed), a nasty Japanese gore fest about four desperate types engaged in a reality show which allows competitors to torture each other; it’s only an hour long, but packs more repulsive behavior into its running time than the last dozen or so American horror pics you’ve had the misfortune of renting or buying. Meanwhile, the last drops of interest are wrung from the Bigfoot-rampage cycle with Primal (Lionsgate), a low-budget chiller about students who discover the hard way why Sasquatch doesn’t want to be found.

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There’s a dogpile of reissues and repackaged titles on deck this week, and I’m of two minds about this marketing strategy, which seems to be a regular thing among the cult and exploitation DVD labels. I understand the frustration that some buyers feel about ponying up for a boxed set that contains titles they’ve already bought mixed with newer releases – I mean, there are only so many copies of Dementia 13 that one needs to own. But for the most part, these sets sell for low prices, so the hit to one’s wallet is for the most part fairly minor. So you can either bitch about it online like certain members of the cinemuck community, or you can worry about bigger things.

I’ve already seen some kvetching about the eight-disc Drive-In Cult Classics collection from BCI/Eclipse, and some of it is warranted – four of its eight titles have already been released through BCI’s Welcome to the Grindhouse series (The Teacher, Pick-Up, Trip with the Teacher, and Malibu High), and in some cases, more than once. But hey, maybe you haven’t bought ‘em yet, so here’s your chance. And the remaining four flicks are (I believe) brand new to DVD, and they’re pretty sleazy – Howard (Scorchy) Avedis’ The Stepmother is a 1972 potboiler about murder and incest among family members, and features Claudia Jennings in her earliest film appearance, while The Sister-in-Law, from Joseph Ruben (who later did The Stepfather – this is getting confusing, no?), star John Savage as a guy messing with his brother’s wife and mistress. Also in the set is Cindy and Donna, a 1970 familial freakout about stepsisters who embarked on a screwing frenzy that includes their own stepdad, and Best Friends is a 1975 drama about a girl (Suzanne Benton from A Boy and His Dog) who screws up a friendship between two pals (Richard Hatch and producer Doug Chapin). Pretty scummy, the whole lot, so unless you already own the first four titles, you’d be well served to parting with your pay for it.

Also on the multi-disc tip is The Psychotronica Collection (VCI) – I feel pretty confident that Michael Weldon had nothing to do with this three-pack of double features, but I know many of its titles were covered in his influential mag. The most intriguing two-fer in the collection is Mondo Keyhole and The Raw Ones, two early sexploitation efforts that were either co-directed or shot by Jack Hill of Switchblade Sisters fame. Mondo (co-directed with John Lamb) is a psycho-thriller about a businessman-turned-rapist and porn director who meets his match in one of his victims, while The Raw Ones is a nudist camp movie that features some of the earliest legal footage of full-frontal nudity. Another Lamb effort, The Mermaids of Tiburon, is included in this set; it’s a black-and-white nudie thriller about a search for lost treasure, and stars the great Timothy Carey and stacked Playmate Diane Webber. It’s partnered with Cry of the Bewitched, a Cuban/Mexican horror pic about possession from 1957, and the final disc pairs the ultra-rare psycho-thriller Dream No Evil (by John Hayes of Weekend with the Babysitter and Grave of the Vampire fame) with Delinquent Schoolgirls, a super-sleazy exploitation pic about three escaped lunatics who invade a all-girl school. I seem to remember this one being a comedy of sorts, but it’s super-sick and features an amazing cast of exploitation vets, including Michael Pataki, Sharon Kelly (a.k.a. Colleen Brennan), Bob Minor, big tit queen Roberta Pedon, and the late, great George “Buck” Flower, whom I was proud to call a friend. Oh, and John Lamb co-wrote this one. Prolific dude. All three double features are also available as stand-alone discs, should you want one over the other two.

And for vintage pin-up pervs, there’s the Jungle Girls Gone Wild set from Passport Entertainment. It’s a whopping 16 hours of ‘50s and ‘60s cheesecake featuring plenty of old-school starlets in animal skin bikinis; best among the batch is Bowanga Bowanga, about a safari captured by an all-white-girl tribe; Liane, Jungle Goddess, a female Tarzan story from Germany featuring agreeable amounts of skin from star Marion Michael; the legendary Wild Women of Wongo; and Virgin Sacrifice, a loony-tunes adventure reportedly shot in Guatemala. Packed with pure ungawa, every single one.

Oh, and Media Blasters  boxed up three of their scummiest crime titles in the Grindhouse Psychos Triple Feature set. Included is Roberta Findlay’s berserk Tenement, about coked-out gang members who lay siege to an inner-city apartment building; the sick-sick-sick Don’t Go in the House, about a mother-obsessed kook who roasts girls alive; and Cop Killers, an ultra-low-budget actioner about two drug dealers on the lam that stars Flesh Gordon’s producer and leading man, Bill Osco and Jason Williams. Mean, ugly and utterly without redeeming qualities, so yeah, you should buy it.

Lastly, Rhino has Volume 10.2 of The Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection – the original set was pulled from shelves back in November due to a licensing problem with Godzilla vs. Megalon, and this version has replaced it with The Giant Gila Monster. The other three titles in the first edition of the set – Swamp Diamonds, Teen-Age Strangler, and The Giant Spider Invasion (all winners, by the way) – are all still present, and there’s a new sketch from Joel Hodgson and a few MST3K vets about the licensing problem.

Meanwhile, back in the jungle...

Storm Warning (Dimension Extreme) is an Australian chiller about a couple who fall afoul of three Outback lunatics. You may have seen this one before… Killer Pad (Lionsgate) is a comedy about three dopey guys who discover that their new Hollywood Hills house is a portal to hell. Yeah, you probably saw this one too, but I suppose it’s worth mentioning that Robert Englund directed it, and Andy Milonakis is in the cast (actually, that might be a liability). Dangerous Worry Dolls (Wizard Full Moon) is a new one from Charles Band, and appears to be a chip off the old Demonic Toys block (the dolls are called into play by inmates at a tough women’s prison).

Also on deck: Wednesday 13: Weirdo-A-Go-Go (EMI) appears to be a tribute to UHF creature feature programming and Saturday morning kids’ shows from the Murderdolls’ frontman. Expect lotsa trailers and monster movie clips, as well as puppets and eyeliner. Meanwhile, Unearthed has reissues of their zombie pic Bone Sickness and the gruesome British thriller Boy Eats Girl.

 
Wednesday 13 walks with a zombie!

Haven’t seen enough Darien Caine lately? Secret Key Motion Pictures has plenty of that action with Sexual Incantations, a new softcore pic that stars our girl Darien as a repressed young thing who summons up the sexual powers of famous femmes from history to help her untangle her tingle.

Click the pic for more Darian!

Of course, if it’s the hard stuff you want, Alpha Blue Archives has ten new ‘70s XXX titles on DVD. Lotsa rarities in the batch, including Librianna, Bitch of the Black Sea (about rebel pornographers fighting Communism behind the Iron Curtain!), the grisly Saturday Night Special (diamond crooks botch a heist, then molest their hostages), Teenage Surfer Girls (a.k.a. California Surfer Girls) with Joey Silvera, and Intimate Illusions with Desiree Cousteau. They also have 10 themed double and triple features (the most pungent of the lot is the John Holmes Fuck-O-Rama with Here Comes Johnny, Ole, and The Swing, but Sleazegrinder regulars may wanna check out Rock-O-Rama with Joe Rock Superstar, Gladys and Her All Girl Band (!), and What’s Behind the Groupies) and a batch of big tit and superstar comps devoted to the likes of Dorothy Le May, Misty Regan, Taija Rae, and others. Check out the Alpha Blue site for all the dirty details.

I remember thinking that Turok: Son of Stone was a badass concept for a comic book when I was a kid – it pitted Indians against dinosaurs, and it doesn’t really get tuffer than that. Turok (which underwent a few transformations over the course of its fifty-year history – at one point, I think he was fighting robot dinosaurs) is now the star of his own animated feature (from Classic Media), and they haven’t messed with the original formula much; if anything, they’ve improved on it by making the action ultra-violent. The DVD includes commentary and a Turok tutorial, if you will, on his long and involved career.

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