The winner of the Control DVD giveaway is Michael Toland, who has claimed victory on this page several times before. Seriously, he must be stopped.

A longtime favorite on VHS, Simon, King of the Witches (.Dark Skyf) is a thoroughly eccentric and enjoyable exploitation drama about a modern day magician (Andrew Prine from Barn of the Naked Dead and countless other films) whose attempts to gain immortality are hampered at every turn by unbelievers, hangers-on and the Los Angeles Police Department. As Prine himself said at a rare theatrical screening last night in L.A., it’s not a horror film, despite the heavy booga-booga vibe of its promotional art and trailer, but more of a “day in the life of a warlock” – which is about as close as anyone will come to putting a label on this unclassifiable picture. It’s also a very funny film (and intentionally so), and apparently, quite accurate in its numerous scenes of incantations and spells, since screenwriter Robert Phippany was a practicing warlock with a full coven and the like. Of course, this being a production by Joe Solomon (Hell’s Angels on Wheels, Evel Knievel), there’s also a decent amount of nudity and violence as well as some very amusing drug and fringe culture stereotypes to keep the drive-in crowd amused. I’m very glad to see this offbeat film join the DVD ranks - Dark Sky’s disc includes new interviews with Prine and director Bruce Kessler, as well as radio spots and the fun original trailer, which looks something like this:

I can think of no other reason to pick up Maid in Sweden (Impulse Pictures) than the fact that Swedish sexploitation starlet Christina Lindberg (Thriller: A Cruel Picture) is frequently and gloriously nude throughout the movie, which also marked her film debut in 1971. The flick itself is a pretty downbeat story of a fresh-faced young thing (Ms. L) who gets mixed up with the wrong sort of people while visiting her sister in the Big City, and winds up soiled in more ways than one. But lemme tell ya, none of that matters once Christina starts doffing her duds, which she does on an average of once every five to ten minutes of running time. I will simply say this: she is living, breathing testimony to everything you’ve ever heard about Scandinavian girls, and that right there is reason enough to give up 80 minutes of your life to this movie (according to me, at least). The DVD includes a new interview with Christina and the U.S. theatrical trailer, which goes a little like this:

And if you’re looking for stronger fare from the Land of the Midnight Sun, Impulse also has The Second Coming of Eva, a 1974 hardcore film by the prolific Mac Ahlberg. The Eva of the title is a willowy young slip of a thing who’s played by Penthouse pet and adult starlet Brigitte Maier, and she can’t keep her hands off herself, so her square sister ships her off to a private school in the hopes that it’ll give her some class. Surprise, big sister – the school is full of equally horny sons and daughters of Odin who enthusiastically double-major in anatomy and gynecology (if you get my meaning, and I think you do). It’s typical giggly-jiggly Europorn from the ‘70s, bursting with full bushes and dudes who look like they should be playing bass for Golden Earring, and while you’ll probably find more raunchy wank material in Ms. Maier’s films for notorious pervert Lasse Braun, The Second Coming of Eva just might do as your next Saturday night thing in a pinch.

And Hell’s Ground (TLA) which we just gave away to one lucky reader a few weeks ago, has been making the rounds on the internet as the “world’s first gore film from Pakistan,” which is a far more impressive feat than one might imagine, given that country’s strict censorship laws. Despite that stumbling block, the movie more than lives up to the description – not only do you get a horde of zombies (including a midget undead) chewing on the film’s rebellious teen leads, but there’s also a burqa-clad lunatic who likes to do facial reconstruction with a king-sized mace. The whole picture is a valentine to ‘70s and ‘80s horror – you’ve got your Doomed Kids on a Carefree Spree, your Place Where One Should Never Go, even a Final Girl and a Crazed Hitchhiker – but filtered through a distinctly Eastern and Muslim sensibility, which somehow adds a fresh touch to the overplayed Western tropes. If you can roll with the subtitles, I think you’ll have a good time with Hell’s Ground. The DVD includes commentary by director Omar Ali Khan (who apparently operates an ice cream shop in Islamabad when he’s not making movies – honest, here’s the link  -a making-of featurette, and footage from the Pakistani premiere.

Yeah, we’ve run the trailer for Hell’s Ground before, but it’s worth a second look:

If you’re looking for someone to blame for the endless reality programming that makes up most of television these days, your likeliest candidates are Gualtiero Jacopetti and Franco Prosperi. Former journalists and television cameramen, they compiled a batch of exploitative clips of strange customs from around the world, wrapped them in a layer of cynical narration, and released it to curious moviegoers in 1962 under the title of Mondo Cane (“A Dog’s Life”). The mix of travelogue and peepshow caught on like wildfire with audiences and resulted in a string of similar documentary/grindhouse pictures which were lumped under the title of “mondo” movies. Most were simple exercises in “look how weird other people are,” but some got downright cruel or racist in their coverage of primitive cultures and practices. Jacopetti and Prosperi were even put on trial at one point for suspicion of involvement in the murder of African citizens by rogue soldiers for their virulent Africa Addio (1966). The entire mondo cycle, including those by Jacopetti and Prosperi, have been released on VHS in various edits since the beginning of that format, but Blue Underground put forward the most complete versions around 2003 or so as part of the Mondo Collection. Featured in that set were restored American and international versions of Mondo Cane and its sequel (also known as Mondo Pazzo), the rarely seen Women of the World, Africa Addio (here under its Stateside title, Africa Blood and Guts) and the insane Goodbye Uncle Tom, which took a highly unpleasant look at the American slave trade and race relations of the ‘70s through hideous recreations that were filmed as documentary footage. The collection quickly went out of print, and now Blue Underground has released each of the films as stand-alone DVDs. Each comes with the original trailer, as well as behind-the-scenes footage (in the case of Uncle Tom), pressbook reproductions, and much more. If you’ve got an unshockable pal or partner, these might prove useful in kick-starting their outrage motors.

“Every scene looks you straight in the eye – and spits!” That’s what waits in store for you with Africa Blood and Guts:

More delicate constitutions may want to seek out Journey to the Far Side of the Sun (Universal), a 1969 British science fiction film produced by Gerry Anderson of Thunderbirds fame. Roy Thinnes of The Invaders stars as an American astronaut on an international mission to explore an Earth-like planet on the opposite side of the sun. There’s a pleasantly familiar switcheroo ending that should please fans of the original Twilight Zone (in fact, the movie bears more than a passing resemblance to the episode “The Parallel”).

There’s also Killer’s Moon (Redemption USA), a truly odd UK horror film about a quartet of crazed killers undergoing a radical rehabilitation treatment – massive doses of LSD. The drugs do much to spark a fresh murder spree when the foursome escapes the hospital (while tricked out in Clockwork Orange-like gear) and terrorize a busload of schoolgirls. This one has its supporters – I seem to remember a positive write-up in Shock Xpress or the like many years back – but it’s probably best appreciated by those who like their horror on the cheap, sleazy and vicious side.

The Tattooist (Sony) is an supernatural thriller from New Zealand that operates on the old “There Are Some Things That Man Was Not Meant To Know” theory. The Things in this case are Samoan tattoos, which are taken up by an American tattooist after he steals an ancient tattooing tool. The device is cursed, natch, and the recipients of his artwork start dying in unpleasant ways. By all accounts, this one is pretty tame and slow-paced, but the subject matter sounds offbeat enough to warrant a look-see.

Speaking of weird, there’s also The Wig (Media Blasters), a 2005 South Korean horror film about a leukemia patient who adopts the title hairpiece and begins exhibiting all sorts of strange behavior. Asians have been trotting out ghosts with long hair in their spookshows for the better part of a decade, (see The Ring, The Grudge, Sick Nurses, etc., etc.), but this may be your first (and only) chance to see a blood-soaked chunk of hair stalk an unsuspecting victim. And The Chilling has no-budget vets Dan Haggerty and Linda Blair on the wrong side of cryogenic experiments that result in very cheap-looking zombies.

Otherwise known to fans as Scary Hair, here’s the Korean trailer for The Wig:

Also from Asia: Long Dream (Facets) is a creepy featurette about a man who suffers from “long dreams” – basically, he feels that his dreams span the course of months or even years – and that the span of time that occurs within the dreams is starting to take a physical and psychological toll on him. Based on a manga by Junji Ito, the film is directed by Higuchinsky, whose previous effort was another adaptation of an Ito comic called Uzumaki. The production values are a little on the slipshod side (it was made for Japanese TV), but the strength of the bizarre visuals in the dreams overcome any budgetary restraints. Meanwhile, The Eye 3 (Lions Gate) offers more Thai ghosts from the Pang Brothers, who started the whole shebang in the first place. This time around, it’s a book with instructions on how to see ghosts (rubbing graveyard dirt in yer peepers is one suggested method) that sets a whole posse of spooks after a gaggle of scare-loving teen pals. Not as effective as the previous efforts, but there are some fun set pieces, and one truly jaw-dropping bit involving possession by the ghost of a break dancer. I’ll leave it to you to find out how that winds up.

I think I’m a little more partial towards Drainiac (Shock-o-Rama), Brett Piper’s 2000 shot-on-video feature about a house infested by demonic green goo that lurk in the water pipes. An exorcist named Plummer (no shit) is called in to fight the gloppy spooks. From what I understand, Piper re-did all the special effects and the vocal tracks for this DVD, but if that makes Drainiac a better movie, I cannot say. And Nobody Loves Alice (Indie-Pictures) has been kicking up a lot of positive feedback for its story of a lonely young woman who decides to iron out her issues with loneliness and rejection by kidnapping and abusing the fiancé of a co-worker. It sounds like torture porn at first blush, but the quality of the filmmaking and acting has apparently kept it out of that particular gutter. I’d also wager a guess that the Australian indie horror pic Demonsamongus (Troma) is worth a watch – it’s a low-budget supernatural flick about a writer whose trip to the countryside is interrupted by a rash of murders committed by supernatural forces. Be forewarned that it’s apparently more of a surreal arthouse pic than the Evil Dead-style splat-athon it evokes in its more violent scenes.

Break out your flashlight – this trailer for Demonsamongus is pretty dark, but stick with it and you’ll see some blood:

This week’s contender for Best Movie Title Ever is Papaya: Love Goddess of the Cannibals (Severin), another of Joe D’Amato’s Caribbean-set horror-sex mutations (see also Porno Holocaust, Orgasmo Nero, etc.). This one stars Sirpa Lane (currently enjoying a bit of a revival thanks to Severin’s DVD release of The Beast in Space) as a reporter who gets entangled in a weird-o conflict between a nuclear energy company that wants to build a reactor on a remote tropical island, and the island’s primitive inhabitants, who sic their high priestess Papaya (Melissa Chimenti) on the company’s employees. Papaya’s favorite method of dissuading the workers from building the reactor is to bite off their cocks, which should give you an idea of where this movie is headed (but I’ll give you a hint – it’s the gutter). Sleaze beasts should know that there are no actual cannibals in the movie, and the sex is strictly softcore, but Lane and Chimenti are frequently naked and all over each other like white on rice. Add to that copious bloodshed (the opening dick-bite will have the gents crossing their legs) and a real live cockfight, and you’ve got classic D’Amato cinema du scum.

Meanwhile, After Hours has a double shot of vintage XXX with their two-disc edition of The Starlets and Chastity and the Starlets. The former is a 1977 showbiz story about aspiring actresses (among them Candida Royalle, Lauren Dominique and Desiree West) banging their way through Hollywood, while the latter is a semi-sequel from 1986 with Amber Lynn and John Holmes in a storyline that involves a chastity belt locked onto an unwilling virgin. The DVD set includes interviews with David Summers, who directed both features, and actor William Margold; reports have it that this version of The Starlets, which was originally shot in 3-D, is only 2-D. Sorry, perverts. After Hours also has The West German Grindhouse Collection, which includes the 1974 hardcore feature Josephine (a period costume drama about cousins who open a brothel) and several European loops.

There’s also An Erotic Werewolf in London (Seduction Cinema), a 2001 horror skinflick with Misty Mundae as a lesbian werewolf (werewolf-ess? I dunno) on the prowl for Anoushska, the lesbian werewolf who turned her. William Hellfire is behind the camera here, which means lots of quality softcore romping and bomping, plus highly quotable dialogue (“I’m gonna tie you to the bed naked and do stuff to ya”) – and did I mention Misty Mundae and Anoushka? They’re naked a lot, except when they’re werewolves. They wear little bits of fur when that happens.

And last but not least, Nico B’s Cult Epics has Volume One of American Nudes, a compilation of nudie shorts from the late ‘40s and early ‘50s set to a big band soundtrack. Isn’t it about time you did something nice for your old grand-dad?

Okay, stop holding your breath – the winner of the Hell’s Ground DVD giveaway contest is Bryce Warman, who, I swear to God, lives on Easy Street. In case you’ve been wondering where this fabled location is, it’s in Selinsgrove, Pennsylvania. Who knew? Anyway, congrats to Bryce.

Didn’t win? Don’t kick off that tri-state kill spree you’ve been talking about for months now – we’ve got another DVD contest on deck this week. One lucky sumbitch will claim for his or her very own the new Weinstein/Genius DVD of Control, the 2007 biopic of Joy Division singer Ian Curtis. The DVD includes commentary by director Anton Corbjin, a making-of featurette, and music videos by Joy Division and The Killers (cue eyeball roll on the latter). To whet your appetite, here’s the theatrical trailer:

Want it, need it, gotta have it? Send your name and address to paul.gaita@gmail.com, and put Control DVD Contest in the subject line. First come, first serve – you know the drill. Winner gets their name in lights next Tuesday.

Oh, and if Control leaves you hankering for more misery, Weinstein also has Joy Division: The Miriam Collection, a new documentary about the band which combines superior live footage from their heyday with new interviews with the surviving members. As music documentaries go, this one’s pretty solid – the interviews are emotionally rich (the former members lament the lack of attention they gave to Curtis’ problems, and discuss the merits of their albums in detail), the performance footage is rare and in excellent condition, and the whole thing wraps up in a nice sort of full-circle way with New Order performing “Shadowplay.” Essential, I’d say, for torch carriers of all ages.

Ask any horror fan above the age of, say, 30 or so, what they remember about Brett Leonard’s The Dead Pit, and they’ll immediately say, “The box cover.” Back in 1989, you could find this one in just about every mom-and-pop video shop in your hometown, and its cover art – a 3-D rendering of a zombie crawling out of the title pit, and a “Press Here” button in the lower right corner that made its eyes light up – probably resulted in more video rentals than the movie deserved. As I recall, it was a pretty loopy flick about a psycho doctor who gets buried alive in his asylum, only to resume his torture spree when an earthquake (!) sets him free – nothing special, just a fun, dopey gore movie. Apparently, The Dead Pit has quite a cult following, which helped to earn it DVD release from Code Red. The disc is apparently uncut and includes commentary by Leonard (later the director of The Lawnmower Man and Virtuosity) and star Jeremy Slate (Hell’s Angels ’69), as well as interviews with Slate and other cast members. Apparently, there’s also a two-disc (!) version that’s only available at Best Buy, which has some of the more social inept members of the internet universe up in arms.

Alive or Dead (Lions Gate) pits a pair of ladies in distress against a backwoods psycho who utilizes an abandoned school bus to lure his victims. Have you seen this before? I’m pretty sure you have. Same goes with The Sitter (Genius), a Lifetime Original thriller that’s masquerading as a slasher pic. The best thing that I can say about it is that Mariana Klaveno, who plays The Sitter, is real foxy. Oh, and Stacy Haiduk, who once set many a creep’s loins ablaze with her clothes-free scenes in Luther the Geek, is in the movie too. But that’s probably not enough for you to rent the pic – is it?

Boob Tube: Sex, TV and Ugly George (Pathfinder) is a documentary that traces the rise of sexual content in the media through the story of one of its most unpleasant proponents – Ugly George, who prowled the streets of New York in the late ‘70s and early ‘80s in search of women who would disrobe (or more) on camera for his cable-access show. George’s success rate was pretty astonishing, given that he looked like John C. Reilly after a week-long bender and had the social graces of a bowl of soup, but the film’s interest in George is less about his prurient side than about his position as forerunner for the current batch of hormonally-driven reality shows and business-savvy perverts like Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild fame. Director Danny Schecter makes a pretty good point about how George was pretty much the bridge between the brown bag days of adult entertainment in the ‘60s and ‘70s and the current, everything-goes state of the world, and he’s smart enough to keep his audience alert by showcasing plenty of nude chicks from George’s archives while he’s doing it.

Here’s the trailer, with plenty of footage of George in action:

Meanwhile, National Lampoon’s Bag Boy (Arts Alliance America) touts itself as the first National Lampoon feature to be produced in-house in 18 years. I have no idea what that means, but I do know that the movie is PG-13, which means the hottest thing about this feature, which concerns the “world of international competitive bagging,” is its cover. Oh, and Brooke Shields is in it too, if that works for you.

My favorite part of the trailer for National Lampoon’s Bag Boy is when they cite the “30 Movies You Can’t Name” that they’ve made:

Despite being a die-hard TV viewer for my entire childhood, I have absolutely no recollection of The Hudson Brothers Razzle Dazzle Show, a 1974-1975 Saturday morning variety series that featured the easy-pop brother act in songs and sketches. I’ve never heard of Video Service Corp either, but the apparently Canadian-based DVD company has released the entire network run of the show on a three DVD set which features the brothers – Bill, who later fathered Kate Hudson, Mark, who worked with Aerosmith and Ringo Starr, and Brett, now a TV producer – singing and cutting up with an impressive cast of TV comedy vets, including Murray Langston (the Unknown Comic), Billy Van from The Hilarious House of Frightenstein, Gary Owens, Peter Cullen (the voice of Optimus Prime!) and Rod Hull, who freaked out many a TV host with his puppet Emu.

Here’s how the Razzle Dazzle Show greeted kids every Saturday morning:

And light years away from the Hudson Brothers’ sunshiney pop is Gary Wilson, the eccentric (to put it mildly) mastermind behind You Think You Really Know Me, a 1977 album that walked an unsteady line between New York artrock, old-school pop and lounge and freakout jazz while recounting Gary’s obsessions and failed relationships. A complete disaster upon its release (Gary’s live shows, which were lunatic spectacles filled with flung bags of flour, fake blood and lots of cellophane, probably didn’t help matters), and he retreated into total obscurity before being championed by the likes of Beck and Matt Groening in the ‘90s. He emerged shortly thereafter to pick up right where he left off and released a new album, Mary Had Brown Hair, as well as Forgotten Lovers, a collection of unreleased tracks. Wilson’s return to the stage was chronicled on film in director Michael Wolk’s documentary You Think You Really Know Me (available from Plexifilm) which explores Wilson’s painful re-emergence into a music scene that still doesn’t get him, as well as attempts to launch a national tour in the face of Wilson’s terror over flying. It’s about as engrossing an outsider documentary as you could hope for, and the DVD includes the You Think You Really Know Me CD, as well as 16mm footage of Gary performing with his original band the Blind Dates in the ‘70s.

Here’s the trailer for the documentary:

Oh, and Gary’s still around and playing somewhere down in San Diego. Drop him a line at his website and let him know how you feel, won’t you?

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Do you feel like a winner today? Got that everything’s-coming-my-way attitude? Or just rejoicing in the fact that you’ve scammed the powers that be into believing that you’ve got your shit together? Then you oughta enter the latest Week in Sleaze contest, my friend, because you could be the lucky soul who brings home Hell’s Ground (Danger After Dark), the world’s first “extreme” horror film from Pakistan. What you’ve got here is classic South Asian masala-style filmmaking of multiple genres blended into one movie (there even appears to be a musical number), but with a heavy helping of Western horror movie traditions, including flesh-eating zombies, crazed hitchhikers, ominous curses and forbidden locations.

Want to get your grubby paws on it? Simple enough – send your name and address to paul.gaita@gmail.com and put Hell’s Ground Contest in the subject line. Winner gets announced sometime next week or whenever I get around to it.

How much does Something Weird Video love creeps like you? Here’s how much: they’ve just made dozens of their horror, science fiction and exploitation titles available on DVD-R – everything from old-skull Saturday afternoon creature features like The She-Beast and Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet to juvenile delinquent pics like The Bloody Brood and spaghetti Westerns like Gunfight at Red Sands and Adios, Gringo. Short attention-span types can also enjoy multi-DVD mega-packs of their trailer compilations, classroom scare films and exploitation trailer sets like the Twisted Sex and Teenage Turmoil comps. And for the true pervert, SWV has also wrapped up their hardcore loops, stag flicks and full features in mega-sets, including the Bucky Goes to the Movies and Dragon Art Theatre double feature series that run up to 20 hours (!). Best of all, the single DVD-Rs are only $10, while the multi-disc sets will set you back around $50. If that’s not pure, unadulterated love from the King of Exploitation Retailers, then brother, you don’t know what love is. Visit Something Weird’s web site for the full brouhaha.

And now, a moment of acid-drenched ephemera from the Something Weird library to you:

While we’re on the subject of vintage creepshows, Deimos continues to make some of the best Spanish horror from the ‘70s available to the DVD market. This month’s batch contains two Paul Naschy titles: Werewolf Shadow, which played Stateside under the title The Werewolf and the Vampire Woman, as well as Curse of the Devil. Both are slow but fairly bloody (and sexy) monster rallies with Naschy’s Waldemar Daninsky trying (and failing spectacularly) to deal with his werewolf problem as well as a vampire countess (in Shadow) and a witch’s curse (in Devil). Both were previously released on DVD by Anchor Bay, but the Deimos titles are uncut and taken from HD sources; Shadow also includes the original Spanish version (with subtitles) as well as the Werewolf/Vampire Woman edit, which is a current staple of budget DVD.

Ghastly, ghoulish and totally incredible? Sign me up! It’s the trailer for The Werewolf vs. the Vampire Woman:

Also emerging from the vaults is Icons of Adventure (Sony), a sort of odd title for a quartet of period action movies from England’s Hammer Films (tho the alternative – Four Lesser Known, Non-Horror Hammer Movies – doesn’t exactly say “big sales” either). And if the four features collected here lack the company’s trademark Gothic blood and thunder, there is still a decent amount of chills on hand – The Terror of the Tongs concerns a 19^th-century Hong Kong crime outfit with a penchant for torture, while The Stranglers of Bombay pits the British army against homicidal Hindu cultists. The other two features – Devil-Ship Pirates and The Pirates of Blood River – are fun swashbuckling fare made all the more enjoyable by the presence of Christopher Lee (who also stars in Tongs as the gang’s mastermind). Sony deserves a round of applause for not taking the easy route and simply slapping this foursome together on a no-frills disc, but instead rounding up Hammer screenwriter Jimmy Sangster, art director Don Mingaye, and expert Marcus Hearn to provide commentary for the films. They’ve also filled out the running time with the original theatrical trailers, cartoons, a two-reeler comedy and a chapter from the 1953 serial The Great Adventures of Captain Kidd. Good stuff for hardcore Hammer/Lee devotees and first-timers alike.

Sleazegrinder himself praised The Signal (Magnet) as “a sort of gutbucket cross between 28 Days Later and your standard techno-fear J-horror gag with a heavy dose of John Waters-y puke-porn thrown in for extra flavor” after catching it during its brief theatrical run in February of 2008. You can read his full write-up HERE before checking out the DVD, which includes director’s commentary, deleted scenes, a making-of featurette and three Webisodes which expand the story’s creeping electronic dread to other locations.

Yikes – here’s the original trailer:

Also hoping to earn a wider audience this week is Out of the Blue (Genius) – not the 1980 Dennis Hopper film about a family’s slow unraveling, but rather a 2006 true-life drama about a tiny New Zealand town held hostage by a gunman’s rampage in 1990. Don’t expect grindhouse-style thrills here – Out of the Blue is tense, grim fare along the lines of Badlands (which is a good thing, if you ask me). Karl Urban of Lord of the Rings and the upcoming Star Trek feature stars; the DVD includes commentary by the director as well as making-of featurettes and a documentary about the actual incident.

I don’t know what’s more depressing – the images or the song that plays over this trailer for Out of the Blue:

I’m not sure if Otis (Warner Bros.) qualifies as “lighter fare” in comparison to The Signal or Out of the Blue – it is, after all, about an overweight psychopath who kidnaps and abuses a young girl in order to fulfill his fantasies about attending his high school prom. But despite its torture-porn premise, it’s actually a fairly amusing black comedy with an impressive cast, including Daniel Stern and Illeana Douglas as the girl’s parents, who discover their own homicidal urges while attempting to rescue their daughter, and Jere Burns as a self-absorbed criminologist. The DVD includes extra scenes, a making-of, commentary by the director and writer, and an alternate ending.

Nice use of the Shocking Blue’s “Venus” in this official trailer for Otis:

And now it’s back to the heavy with Funny Games (Warner Bros.), German director Michael Haneke’s note-for-note American remake of his 1997 thriller about two polite young home invaders who destroy the lives of a randomly selected couple (Naomi Watts and Tim Roth). I didn’t care for Haneke’s original – yep, I get that it was supposed to be upsetting and manipulative, but that doesn’t mean I have to enjoy the end result. And I didn’t. It would appear that most folks felt the same way about this film too (and about The Strangers, which followed a similar storyline and met with an equally chilly response from audiences), but your mileage may vary.

Stylish? Sure. Fun to watch? Well, as one of the villains in Funny Games says, “What do you think?”

And if Funny Games isn’t proof enough that remakes are extraneous at best (and at worst, a total crime), you can enjoy example after example with MGM’s Double Take series. The double-disc DVD sets partner up several classic films with their more recent remakes, and in almost every case, what you’ve got is a great original that totally outclasses the carbon copy without even trying. Included in the series is The Amityville Horror (1979) and its 2005 remake (not even Melissa George could save that one); the 1967 Bedazzled with Dudley Moore, Peter Cook, and Raquel Welch, and the grim Brendan Fraser/Elizabeth Hurley version; the James Caan Rollerball from ’75 and the ghastly 2002 X-Games edition with Chris Klein; the 1971 Omen (still one of the scariest movies ever made) and the 2006 dud; and the untouchable Planet of the Apes, which completely outshines Tim Burton’s revision. The only two-fer that offers a remake that approaches the quality of the original is the double bill of David Cronenberg’s The Fly with the 1958 classic.

MGM also has two more volumes of its “Totally Awesome ‘80s Double Feature” series – and by “totally awesome,” they mean “totally stupid but still enjoyable,” of course. The double bill of Bachelor Party and Revenge of the Nerds is actually a solid pair-up – both manage to work in the pre-requisite scenes of gratuitous nudity and sleazy behavior without compromising some genuinely funny scenes. On the other hand, Zapped is out-and-out teensploitation, with Scott Baio as an overage high school nerd who develops the power to pop open girls’ blouses with his mind. It’s cheap and sleazy, but at least it’s honest about its intentions. Sadly, Zapped is partnered with a really dreary Judd Nelson comedy, Making the Grade.

From what I can tell, this is a 16mm trailer for Zapped that someone has videotaped while projecting it against their basement wall:

Ted Nugent: Sweden Rocks (Vivendi Universal) finds the lovable headcase in full-blown poontang frenzy at the 2006 Sweden Rock Festival. All the usual suspects (“Free For All,” Cat Scratch Fever,” “Wango Tango,” a 10-minute “Stranglehold” and “Great White Buffalo” as the closer) get aired out at ear-splitting levels here, and Ted is his usual Motor City motormouth self in between songs. There’s a CD version as well.

 
Say what you will about the snarky tone of their reviews and fashion coverage, but the reporting in Vice magazine is among the most innovative and honest on the market today. That attitude has translated to several DVD releases as well, and the latest, Heavy Metal in Baghdad (Hart Sharp), is no exception. A fascinating, funny and occasionally heart-breaking documentary by two Vice reporters about the metal foursome Acrassicauda (“Black Scorpion” in Latin) and their various daily struggles – first, to simply play music under the strict cultural and political atmosphere in Baghdad, and later, to exist at all after the American invasion of Iraq. The group’s spirit and humor in the face of what appear to be insurmountable odds on a epic scale is key to the film’s appeal, and does much to dispel the eye-rolling hipster commentary of the filmmakers (who are featured far too much in their own film – a problem with some of the Vice docs).  The DVD includes a follow-up documentary, Heavy Metal in Istanbul, as well as extended scenes, interviews with the band, and three live performances.

Think your band has problems? Watch this trailer for Heavy Metal in Baghdad:

 Meanwhile, MVD has reissued Earache Records’ first DVD video compilation, Immortalized: Earache 1986-2000. Some twenty grindcore and noise bands are featured, including Carcass, Entombed, Morbid Angel, Vader, Extreme Noise Terror, Bolt Thrower, and Napalm Death, and there’s bonus live footage and complete discographies and biographies on each act.

From the Immortalized DVD, it’s Morbid Angel’s “God of Emptiness”:

MVD also has Lydia Lunch: Video Hysterie 1978-2006, which compiles her agitprop videos and live performances of her collaborations with Teenage Jesus and the Jerks (“I Woke Up Screaming”), 8-Eyed Spy (“Motor Oil Shanty”), Terry Edwards, Rowland S. Howard, Shotgun Wedding, Pepe Sarto, and numerous others.

And lastly, there’s A HarDCore Day’s Night (Dr. Strange), a compilation of videos and live footage by the influential Washington punk outfit Government Issue. Three complete shows (from 1982, 1983 and 1989) as well as the video for “Strange Wine” are included.

The 1982 horror-martial arts hybrid Human Lanterns (Image) is one of the most berserk titles to come from the Shaw Brothers studios in Hong Kong – it’s a full-blown period piece with plenty of sword play and wirework that defined the best of the company’s films, but it’s wrapped around a fairly sick storyline about a crazed ex-swordsman (played by Lo Lieh from Five Fingers of Death) who kidnaps women and turns them into living lanterns. Gorehounds should know that the bloodshed is kept pretty light, but the combination of genres is hard to beat in terms of purely perverse moviemaking.

Sorry, no subtitles on this trailer for Human Lanterns – but hey, you can have fun making up your own dialogue. It’s a free country:

I could go on and on about the cultural significance of The Dirty Harry Ultimate Collection (Warner Bros.), or about how the set includes deluxe editions of all five films and a bonus sixth disc with a documentary on star Clint Eastwood. I could also mention how the discs contain interviews with many of the actors who appeared in the Harry series, including Andy Robinson, Hal Holbrook, and Patricia Clarkson, as well as commentary by director James Fargo, writer John Milius (Red Dawn, Conan the Barbarian), and critic Richard Schickel. But really, the thing you’ll wanna know about the most about the Ultimate Collection is that it comes with a faux leather wallet that contains a metal police badge and a laminated I.D. card. Can you imagine the shit you could pull off with something like that? Sleazegrinder (make that Detective Sleazegrinder) should be picking up the set as you read this, so drop him a line if you have any questions.

“This is a movie about a couple of killers… the one with the badge is Harry Callahan.” Damn right. Here’s the trailer for Dirty Harry:

Sleazegrinder, Subculture Hero and I have already declared The Machine Girl (Tokyo Shock) to be the leading contender for the Most Awesome Movie of the Year, and most likely in the running for next year and the year after. It’s about a Japanese schoolgirl who, after losing her brother and her arm in a fight with ninja gangsters, acquires an eight-barreled machine gun for a new limb and goes on a kill-crazy revenge spree. A flying guillotine and a bra with drill bits factor also factor into the insanity. I will go on record as saying that if this trailer does not spark your desire to see The Machine Girl (and like, right now), you should proceed to the nearest hospital, as you may be dead.

Meanwhile, Legend Films has unearthed several long-lost horror and cult titles from the Paramount library. Best of the lot (for me, at least) is The Skull, a 1965 chiller from England’s Amicus Films with Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee as occult collectors who get more than they bargained for after purchasing the alleged skull of the Marquis de Sade. It’s a completely enjoyable Saturday afternoon-style creature feature, and best of all, it’s presented in its original widescreen Techniscope, which should be enough reason for you to toss out that crappy fullframe bootleg.

Legend also has The Possession of Joel Delaney, a creepy 1972 supernatural thriller with Shirley Maclaine as a wealthy East Side New Yorker whose brother (Perry King – from Riptide!) has been taken over by the spirit of a dead Puerto Rican serial killer with a penchant for decapitating his victims. As post-Exorcist possession movies go, it’s one of the best, relying more on atmosphere than special effects for its scares, though its weird vibe regarding Puerto Ricans (who are portrayed en masse as superstitious natives straight out of a ‘40s voodoo movie) is a little off-putting. But in terms of inappropriate, it doesn’t even begin to touch Mandingo, the 1975 Southern Gothic/sexploitation epic with Ken Norton as a slave who’s a knockout in the boxing ring and in bed with the wife (Susan George) of his owner (Perry King – again!). This one’s lost none of its ability to shock and appall with both its wholehearted embrace of black stereotypes and white terror over mixed relations, as well as its full-blown camp performances (George, for sure, but also James Mason as the plantation’s Big Daddy). You’ll wanna keep something soft around for your jaw to drop onto for the ending.

TV viewers tuning in to the Late Show in 1975 were treated to this 30-second spot for Mandingo:

Also on Legend’s roster this week: Z.P.G.: Zero Population Growth, a rarely seen 1972 dystopian sci-fi film about a future society where new children are forbidden, and a couple (the always watchable Oliver Reed and Geraldine Chaplin, seen recently in The Orphanage) who decide the break the edict. It’s an imaginative and well-made (if somewhat depressing) entry in the pre-Star Wars wave of thoughtful, light-on-action ‘70s science fiction (which includes Planet of the Apes, Logan’s Run, and Zardoz). The slapstick slasher parody Student Bodies (1982) and Jekyll and Hyde… Together Again, with Mark Blankfield of Fridays fame (anyone remember that show? Anyone?) doing his coked-up routine as both title characters, round out the list. Your tolerance for really broad yucks (or desire to purchase every single horror-related title of the 1980s) will determine your need for the latter titles, though the presence of Cassandra (Elvira) Peterson as “Busty Nurse” in Jekyll may sway your decision. In the meantime, check out Legend’s web site for their upcoming horror/cult releases, which include the headtrip/doomsday thriller Phase IV, The Man Who Could Cheat Death, and Serial, which is your chance to see Christopher Lee as a gay biker. Honest.

Mark Blankfield croons a tune from Jekyll and Hyde… Together Again:

The French noir tribute Boarding Gate (Magnolia) did zero business here in the States, but I’ll wager a guess that it’s worth a look-see (even in fast forward) due to the presence of Asia Argento as an ex-prostitute with trouble in mind for her former lover/pimp, Michael Madsen.

In the horror department, Stump the Band (TLA) is a splatter-comedy about an all-girl rock band (always a good place to start) that runs afoul of a backwoods psycho who likes to collect feet. This may be your chance to see L.A. pop stalwart Robbie Rist, a.k.a. Cousin Oliver, in a horror film. Meanwhile, The Evil Woods (Lionsgate), which I’m going to assume is also a horror-comedy, since the plot concerns a group of teens who fall prey to “The Beer Hunter,” a killer who targets those who leave empties in the woods. A joke, right?

Here’s the trailer for Stump the Band:

Oh, and Shark Swarm (Genius) is a TV-movie that pits John Schneider and Darryl Hannah against rampaging sharks who have been stirred up by sludge from evil industrialist Armand Assante’s factories. One of the characters is named after Grizzly director William Girdler, but I don’t know if that’s enough to get me to actually watch this one.

And lastly, Endless Orgy for the Goddess of Perversion (Pathfinder) certainly takes the trophy for Best Title of the Week, and appears to be a collection of clips from vintage sexploitation like Deadly Weapons and She Came On The Bus. The wrap-around comedy bits with commentary by “experts” look pretty lame, though, so sleaze beasts, take heed.

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