As I’ve said many times in this column and elsewhere, if a country’s cinematic output is any indication of their national mental health, then the Japanese are the craziest people on Planet Earth, and followed closely by Germany and Brazil. Somewhere not too far behind these frontrunners are is Indonesia, which has turned out some of the most crudely made but wildly imaginative action-fantasy hybrids ever seen. Their genre films tend to follow the model of other low-budget efforts from Asia – heavily plotted but completely absurd stories driven on a mix of local mythology and Western movie devices, and filled with frantic explosions of violence, (very tame) sex, and special effects that amaze with the sheer chutzpah of their threadbare manufacturing and boundless ambition. We’ve waxed rhapsodically here about the few Indonesian exploitation titles that have made their way to our shores, like Virgins From Hell, The Devil’s Sword and Lady Terminator, all of which have been released on Stateside DVD by Mondo Macabro.

Their newest addition to that collection may be their most insane yet – Queen of Black Magic is a berserk horror-fantasy hybrid from 1979 about a young woman (Indonesian scream queen Suzzana) who, after being falsely accused of practicing witchcraft, bones up on real black magic after being thrown out of her home by hypocritical villagers. Her revenge is pretty much how Evilspeak would have played out if Clint Howard’s character had been replaced with one of the Garbage Pail Kids – victims sprout enormous, pus-spurting boils, bleed uncontrollably, and in the film’s piece de I-don’t-know-what, one poor sap literally rips his own head off, and the severed noggin flies about on a biting spree. I can honestly say that unless you’ve been steeped in ‘80s and ’90s Hong Kong horror for the past few decades, you haven’t seen anything as breathtakingly lunatic as Queen of Black Magic, and you most certainly deserve to expose yourself to it as quickly as possible. The DVD is somewhat light in the extras department – there’s a trailer from a ‘90s video release and a curious look at the film’s special effects designer, who says very little and spends much of the featurette wandering around his studio. But really, the movie is so out to lunch that you’ll hardly feel gypped by the lightweight extras, and hey, if you’re really inconsolable, you can enjoy the six-year-old pull quote on the cover from yours truly. I stand by everything I said.

 Is she on a… yeah, that’s Suzzana, practicing the dark arts with a trampoline in this scene from Queen of Black Magic:

Speaking of outlandish special effects, The History Channel’s Monster Quest series delivers up some of the gooniest computer-generated critters this side of The Sci-Fi Channel in its weekly search for Bigfoot, sea serpents, and other cryptozoology superstars. It’s too bad that the recreations are so laughable (the episode involving Stalin’s alleged attempts to create an army of ape-men takes top honors as the worst), because the show itself is a pretty serious affair, going so far as to mount its own totally straight-faced expeditions to find werewolves, mystery canines, giant birds and squids, and all manner of scaly and hairy things. And if the investigations never quite turn up very much (save for the giant squid episode), the investigations themselves are never less than interesting, especially for those who recall In Search Of… with any fondness. Too bad there aren’t many extras save for a few behind-the-scenes glimpses spread across the four-disc set.

And while we’re on the subject of throwbacks and missing links – ladies, prepare to roll your eyes and vacate the TV room once again while your significant other laughs himself silly at The Three Stooges Collection Volume Two: 1937-1939 (Sony). The two-disc set finds the Howard brothers and Larry Fine in some of their best early shorts, including “Dizzy Doctors” (the boys sell Brighto to a hospital), “Calling All Curs” (the Stooges rescue a prized dog from kidnappers), “Violent is the Word for Curly” (featuring their rendition of “Swinging the Alphabet” – “B-i-bicky-bi-B-O-bo!”), and the no-holds-barred “Grips, Grunts and Groans,” which features one of Curly’s most insane rampages, this time due to the scent of Wild Hyacinth. Don’t even try to explain this to your girlfriend or wife. Just lock the doors, put your bare feet up on the coffee table, eat greasy food and enjoy one of the perks of being a Man.

Somehow, the climatic grappling match in “Grips, Grunts and Groans” is even funnier in Super-8:

Usually (and sadly), this section is the dullest for me to write – most of the horror stuff that comes down the pike of late is either torture porn, animal attack movies, carbon copies of Asian ghost stories, or retro-styled slasher films. I really don’t like giving that crap space here, but I also realize that more than a few people like those sort of movies – they wouldn’t keep making them if they didn’t.

So it’s a pleasure to report that this week’s batch of horror movies is relatively free of the nu-fangled stuff and fairly rich with more challenging (read: not retarded) fare. Chief among them is Visions of Hell: The Films of Jim Van Bebber (DarkSky), a four-disc set which pairs his nothing-short-of-amazing Manson Family with the long out of print revenge thriller Deadbeat at Dawn. Five of Van Bebber’s shorts, including the infamous My Sweet Satan (about the Ricky Kasso killings) and Roadkill: The Last Days of John Martin, as well as an interview featurette with the director and his long-suffering cast and crew, round out this must-have for hardcore horror/violence fans. I’ll say this: Van Bebber’s outlaw reputation may occasionally precede his talent, but I’ll stand up for every frame of his work against self-proclaimed “masters of horror” like Eli Roth every single day of the week.

Van Bebber not only wrote and directed Deadbeat at Dawn, but he was also the lead actor, special effects supervisor and stunt man, as this promo clip clearly illustrates:

Also in multi-disc format this week is 5 Films by Dario Argento (Anchor Bay), which compiles two of his more watchable ‘80s efforts – Tenebre and Phenomena – with more recent and less enjoyable work like Trauma, Do You Like Hitchcock, and The Card Player.  This one’s a tough sell – while they don’t hold a candle to his ‘70s giallos, Tenebre and Phenomena are unquestionably enjoyable from a visual standpoint (and they’ve been out of print for some time), and feature some of his looniest violent set pieces (the head over the waterfall in Phenomena is a standout). But Trauma and the other titles are tired and somewhat nonsensical thrillers that really work for only the most ardent of Argento’s devotees. AB solves the problem of ponying up for the whole set by releasing stand-alone DVDs of Tenebre and Phenomena – the others are already available as single discs.

Dig that disco-Goblin score – it’s the original trailer for Tenebre:

Also in a Gothic vein is The H.P. Lovecraft Collection (Microcinema), four stand-alone DVDs that compile short film adaptations of Lovecraft’s short stories, poems, and fragments. Microcinema, which previously released the incredible Call of Cthulhu on DVD, has culled shorts from around the world, including Italy, England and Chile, and included direct adaptations along with more imaginative efforts, including some animated shorts and films which use the Lovecraft stories as a launching pad (“Experiment 17” and “Experiment 18” are World War II-era scientific test documents that illustrate the effect the Necronomicon might have had on Nazi Germany if it had fallen into Hitler’s hands) and fresh, more literal takes on “Herbert West, Re-Animator” and “From Beyond.” There’s quite a lot for Lovecraft fans to enjoy here, and those with only a casual familiarity with his large body of work will still find much to enjoy here. The discs include several making-of featurettes, as well as conversations with horror authors and Lovecraft admirers Ramsey Campbell and Robert B. Price on Volume 4.

Here’s a look-see at what’s included on Volume 2:

Also on deck this week: Noriko’s Dinner Table (Facets), an epic-length sequel (sort of) to Suicide Club, which doesn’t answer that film’s central question (what made 50 girls jump in front of a moving train?) as much as explore the reasons why someone could get into that mindset. The pace is definitely trying, but there’s enough psychological chills on hand to keep the patient in play till the conclusion – which is open-ended (a third movie is promised). The Chair (Lionsgate) is a well-paced ghost story of sorts about a young woman who discovers that the house she’s occupying contains the trapped spirit of a long-dead child murderer – who promptly takes up residence in her body. This is the kind of horror movie they usually label as “a loving throwback,” which means that there are no Rob Zombie songs on the soundtrack, and no one’s flesh is peeled off in long, unbroken takes. That may be a good thing in your book.

Yeah, it’s by the director of Ginger Snaps II, but don’t let that keep you from checking out The Chair:

Oh, and Grizzly Park (Allumination) pits a gaggle of “troubled youths” against not only the man-eating bear of the title, but a serial killer! Well, whaddya know?

Since the economy continues to circle the outer rim of the toilet bowl, it’s become difficult to drop the vast wads of cash necessary to keep up a world-class DVD collection. Thankfully, more than a few companies have taken the package approach and boxed together five or ten discs’ worth of cult and exploitation titles for the budget-minded sleaze beasts. Sure, the quality isn’t always the best, and you don’t get the wealth of extras that most buyers have come to expect from their DVD purchases, but you know, when it comes down to popping for a few discs or, say, eating for the week, saner heads know which side of the bread is buttered.

First Look is bundling four recent serial killer biopics into their Masters of Murder Collection. Included in the set is one genuinely solid and disturbing film, Matthew Bright’s Ted Bundy, along with the ambitious Ed Gein and Dahmer and one complete misfire, Gacy. You can easily find single disc DVDs of each title, but for those cellar dwellers who need ‘em all, and like, right away, here’s the scratch for that itch.

Meanwhile, Universal has reissued all four films in its Tremors franchise – the 1990 original, with Fred Ward and Kevin Bacon, is the only one you really need to own, as the other three can’t quite strike the same blend of wry comedy and creature feature thrills. Speaking of which, SRS Studios has dug up Drive-In Madness, Tim Ferrante’s 1987 direct-to-video tribute to the pleasures of watching exploitation in the great outdoors. Included in the feature are interviews with George Romero and the aforementioned Mr. Savini, Forrest J. Ackerman, Independent International’s Sam Sherman, and Linnea Quigley, as well as trailers for old-school greats like Queen of Blood, The Green Slime and Don’t Open the Window. This is the sorta shit that kept guys like Sleazegrinder and I alive in the ‘80s, and I’m really pleased to see that someone’s made the effort to revive these long-lost VHS-only treasures. There are a lot more out there – Mad Ron’s Prevues from Hell, Terror on Tape… the list goes on and on.

Simply one of the greatest ‘60s trailers ever – it’s The Green Slime!

I have no idea why BCI Eclipse is calling its new multi-disc cult movie sets “The Advantage Collection” – perhaps they’re referring to the financial advantage of buying so many movies at one time? I dunno, but that really doesn’t matter. What’s important is that there are five sets in the collection, each sporting 10 movies spread across five discs, and they’re all pretty sleazy, violent, mindless, and/or historically significant for trash-minded collectors. Demons and Witches has a whole bunch of microbudget nudie horrors like The Screaming, Demonsoul and Witchcraft XII (as well as Witchcraft XI!), while Demons, Vampires and Ghouls takes the monster movie route with Ghoul School (also available from Camp Motion Pictures), Skinned Alive, The Bonesetter, and Dead and Rotting, among others.

Creature Features is a nice mix of ‘50s, ‘60s, and ‘70s titles with a particular emphasis on sharks – included here is William Grefe’s Mako – Jaws of Death, Night of the Sharks and, uh, Beneath the 12-Mile Reef, a sudsy drama with a very young Robert Wagner. No matter – the set is filled out with enjoyable rubber-suit action like Night Fright, Snowbeast, the venerable Giant Gila Monster, and most interesting of all, La Isla de los Dinosaurios, a 1967 Mexican sci-fi effort about a plane crash in a Lost World-type island. Allegedly, it comes with English subtitles, which is a nice find for Mex-horror fans.

Meanwhile, The Cult Films of Roger Corman is for newly-minted RC fans only – its contents, which include The Little Shop of Horrors, The Wasp Woman, Ski Troop Attack, and Night of the Blood Beast (which Rog didn’t direct), are far too familiar to all but the casual consumer. Veteran junkmovie watchers might be better served by Fast Cars, Bikers and Babes, which features a fun mix of older titles (Hot Rod Girl, The Wild Ride with Jack Nicholson) and ‘70s fare like Wild Riders.

It’s Alex Rocco at his sleaziest in Wild Riders:

Sleazegrinder and I have discussed the pros and cons of Video Asia’s Grindhouse Experience series in this column (pro: you get a lot of obscure movies for very little money; con: they’re taken from terrible VHS dupes and look like absolute shit), so I’ll simply say that the latest collection, An Eye on Horror, offers 10 Asian horror flicks that briefly saw the light of day a few years ago under their Tales of Voodoo umbrella, including Jungle Hell Hole, Primitives, Ghost Ninja, and Godfrey Ho’s execrable Scorpion Thunderbolt. You can get this one for around $15 on line, but seriously, buyers beware.

And lastly, Alpha Video has issued three more titles from the Ted V. Mikels library. For a moment, I thought that the discs were simply retitled version of Ted’s older titles, but sadly, Dimension Fear, Female Slaves Revenge, and The Cauldron: Baptism of Blood (a.k.a. Blood Orgy of the She-Devils 2) are more recent efforts. If you’ve subjected yourself to Corpse Grinders 2 or Mark of the Astro-Zombies, I think you’ll know well enough to stay far away from these. We love you, Ted, but man, these movies stink.

Dragon Dynasty continues to deliver on its promise to bring the best ‘70s martial arts titles to DVD with its two latest releases, Come Drink With Me and Heroes of the East. Both are classics from the Shaw Brothers’ extensive catalog of Hong Kong action hits – the former, written and directed by the legendary King Hu (A Touch of Zen), is generally considered to be one of the best kung fu movies of the last forty years and stars the great Chang Pei-Pei as secret agent Golden Swallow, who teams up with a hard-drinking (but secretly skilled) layabout to rescue her brother from bandits. Heroes of the East stars Gordon Liu (Kill Bill) as a Chinese husband who must fight his Japanese wife’s ex-boyfriend to convince her that his kung fu is best. Liu Chia-Liang, who directed Liu in 36^th Chamber of Shaolin, Dirty Ho, and many other Shaw Brothers spectaculars, is behind the camera here as well. Both DVDs are loaded with extras, including interviews by and commentary with the cast, tributes to the directors (including one by Tsui Hark), and original trailers – like this one:

Meanwhile, BCI has The Tiger Blade, a 2005 Thai action pic about two cops who must find the title weapon (which, I might add, is empowered by the menstrual blood of a virgin) to defeat a criminal warlord with the powers of black magic. And Vanguard has Millennium Dragon, a 1999 feature with the great Yuen Biao as a Chinese agent tracking down the thief who’s stolen the mystical Night Pearl before the North Korean army can it for their nuclear arms program (!). North Korea also factors into Typhoon (Genius), a 2005 South Korean espionage drama about an agent sent to dispatch a criminal who intends to detonate nuclear devices over the whole of Korea to avenge the murder of his family when they tried to defect from the north to the south. Director Kwak Kyung-taek strikes a solid balance between the action set pieces and the human drama involving the mastermind’s family, including a sister who survived the killings.

They really know how to make action movies in Asia, don’t they? Here’s the original Korean trailer for Typhoon:

What, did you think I forgot about the smut? Not likely. After Hours has the monopoly on filth this week – first up is 42^nd Street Pete’s John Holmes 2-DVD Collection, a double disc tribute to America’s favorite donkey-dicked porn star, cocaine fiend, and accomplice to multiple murder. Mr. Wadd and his tower of terror are represented in the set by the 1976 feature Dear Pam, in which he plays a member of the Decency and Morality League (no lie), and in a battery of Super-8 loops.

After Hours also has Filth on 42^nd Street, a triple feature of storefront skinflicks. Two of the movies are ‘70s-era scuzz, while the third is a brand new effort starring L.A. smut archaeologist Adam Trash as the eminent hygienic expert Elliott Forbes (an infamous pseudonym for Dave Friedman and other pitchmen who sold sex manuals at screenings of exploitation films in the ‘40s and ‘50s), who introduces a trio of hormonally charged vignettes. A little classic, a touch of the new – it’s like a Las Vegas buffet of porn. Eat heartily.

Attention Zac Hammersmythe – your autographed Barn of the Naked Dead DVD has finally arrived. Send your mailing address to paul.gaita@gmail.com and I’ll get it to you. That is all.

As strange as it is to say, necrophilia just doesn’t deliver the same shock value today that it once did; Jorg Buttgereit’s Nekromantik and Kissed and a million low-budget pervoid horror movies made one of the most unspeakable acts imaginable into just another selling point for “extreme horror” pics. But back in 1973, when Love Me Deadly made a brief tour on the drive-in and grindhouse circuits, the idea of a movie about a nice young blonde who liked to bang dead guys was appalling enough to earn it a reputation as one of the nastiest exploitation flicks on the market. In fact, its subject matter, which also mixed in heavy dashes of daddy fixation, ugly violence (including one forced surgical procedure that’s still hard to watch) and sex cults, was unpleasant enough to keep it largely out of circulation during the VHS boom (even most black market outfits wouldn’t touch it). But Shriek Showe has taken it upon themselves to correct that situation with its new DVD presentation, which includes commentary by the film’s late producer, Buck Edwards (moderated by Greg Goodsell), as well as the theatrical trailer, and an Easter Egg which looks at some of the naughtier stuff hidden by the widescreen matting. Shower and Brillo not included.

“A film about necrophilia (sexual attraction to corpses)” – yeah, that pretty much sums up Love Me Deadly:

Floating somewhere in the fetid soup between Love Me Deadly and Nekromantik is Lucker the Necrophagous (Synapse), a 1986 gross-out from Belgium about a corpse-lovin’ nutcase who breaks out of an asylum to hunt down the only person to survive his kill spree. A staple of fly-by-night VHS dealers in the ‘80s and ‘90s, Lucker was a student film, which means you can expect continuity errors, terrible special effects and just plain old mistakes in nearly every frame, but it’s also features one show-stopping scene involving our man Lucker and a dead girl he’s been saving for (ulp) a month for a very special night. Suffice it to say that if you thought Love Me Deadly was tame, you and your digestive system are in for a surprise with Lucker. Synapse’s DVD includes both the longer director’s cut and the trimmed version released to VHS in the ‘80s, as well a making-of documentary.

Diary of the Dead (Dimension Extreme) is the fifth (but apparently not final zombie film) by writer/director George Romero, who got the whole genre off the ground 40 years ago with Night of the Living Dead. Sleazegrinder had a solid take on the movie when he caught it in theaters earlier this year (read it here). I’m in agreement with him about a lot of things in regard to the film – his dialogue is again terribly leaden, and Scott Wentworth’s boozy, monologue-prone English professor will have your eyes rolling like ball bearings on a waxy floor by the end of the picture. But once the picture gets up and running – when the dead come back to life and the largely faceless gaggle of college students hit the road in search of home – it coalesces into a watchable mix of violence, pulp drama and downbeat social commentary that’s been Romero’s stock in trade since Night. I don’t think the central thesis – that our passive, TV-obsessed culture will go down watching its own demise – is particularly revolutionary, but I did like the way he used conflicting sound clips and real news footage to bolster his budget view of the apocalypse. And yeah, the gore is pretty good, with a canister of acid dumped on a zombie’s head being the standout effect. If you’re gonna rank this one with the rest of the Dead flicks, it’s just between Day and Land. Your mileage may vary, tho. The DVD includes commentary by Romero and his crew, a making-of, promo clips from Myspace, and a smattering of recording sessions he conducted with some of his pals (Simon Pegg, Stephen King, Guillermo Del Toro) to create the frantic radio broadcasts that are peppered throughout the film.

Oh, and Dimension has also released a 40^th anniversary edition of Night of the Living Dead. There are probably enough DVD and VHS versions of this movie to stretch from your house to George’s front door, but you know, this is one of the greats, so a new edition every few years isn’t really overkill. And Dimension even ponied up for a few new extras, including a remastered version of the movie, and interviews with the surviving cast and crew, including a final conversation with star Duane Jones. I can’t imagine it could hurt to add this to your collection.

Hey, is Ted Knight providing the voice-over for this trailer for NOTLD?

Meanwhile, Redemption USA has Jean Rollin’s Grapes of Death on deck this week. I’ve never really been sold on Rollin’s movies – they’re far too slow and self-consciously arty to engage my interest, and the flashes of sex and violence never kick me back into play (but then again, I like Larry Buchanan’s movies, so take what I say with a large shaker of salt). Grapes of Death, however, is one of the few Rollin titles I watched all the way through – the story is simple (pesticides used in a French vineyard turn the locals into pus-dripping killers) but suspenseful and the violence plentiful and gross. I suspect that the real reason for my interest in the picture was the presence of French porn queen Brigitte Lahaie in the cast (she’s also in the only other Rollin movie I’ve seen from start to finish, Fascination) – I’d frankly watch her change a tire or do her taxes, but those less prurience-minded will find also find Grapes a worthwhile watch.

Mon dieu - raisins! It’s the original French trailer for Grapes of Death:

 Oh, and Brigitte’s in another movie out this week – Emanuelle 3 (Halo Park), which is a much retitled French sexploitation film from 1980 and has nothing to do with the Emmanuelle series. It does, however, have a lot of naked French girls in it.

Blue Underground continues to resurrect long-out-of-print horror titles from the days when company head William Lustig was unearthing great films for Anchor Bay. First of the latest creepshows to return to the DVD fold is Bigas Luna’s thoroughly unpleasant Anguish, with Michael Lerner as a homicidal loser sent on an eyeball-gouging spree at the behest of his even crazier mama (Zelda Rubinstein from Poltergeist). Their misadventures are actually part of a horror movie that’s unspooling for a theater audience– which includes a real killer who takes inspiration from the on-screen mayhem. Confusing? Sure. Disgusting? To be sure. And a fairly clever idea to boot, though you might want to keep any heavy objects out of reach before the film’s bizarro conclusion. BU’s other resurrection of the week is The Killing Hour, a much-dismissed 1982 thriller from Armand (He Knows You’re Alone) Mastroianni about NYC detectives using a clairvoyant to help catch a murderer. It aims for giallo-style chills but ends up on par with a competent TV-movie.

Those looking for sleazier kicks are directed towards Women’s Prison Massacre (Retro Shoock O Rama), a 1983 sexploitation blowout from the awesomely awful Bruno Mattei (The Other Hell, Rats: Nights of Terror). Laura Gemser is again top-billed as Emanuelle, whose investigative reporting has landed her in a severe women’s prison loaded with exaggerated takes on the usual clichés (violent guards, oversexed cons, vicious dykes, frigid wardeness). Things go from bad to worse with the arrival of four deranged killers from the local men’s prison, who take over the joint in a heartbeat and start dishing out rape and abuse to the inmates and staff. WPM doesn’t disappoint as both a wall-to-wall catalog of ugliness and further testimony that Mattei made some of the most absurd exploitation movies ever to escape Europe; the DVD, which is uncut and letterboxed, includes the 1982 “prequel” Caged Women (aka Violence in a Women’s Prison), which features most of the same cast committing more atrocities. Oh, and the highly dismissive liner notes are courtesy yours truly.

Here’s what’s in store for you in Women’s Prison Massacre:

A longtime favorite of the “In Search Of…” crowd, the story of Roanoke (early American settlement, everyone disappears) gets the low-budget horror treatment in The Lost Colony (Allumination), with Highlander’s Adrian Paul among the 16^th century English settlers who lack the common sense to pack up and go home once a trio of evil Viking spirits start whittling down their numbers. This one began life as Wraiths of Roanoke (before the producers realized that no one could pronounce the name of the island and the title gave away the whole goddamn premise) and aired ceaselessly on the Sci-Fi Channel prior to its DVD release.

Also on deck: The Entrance (Lions Gate), which has been garnering some favorable reviews for its oddball story of a parking garage which serves as a doorway to hell. I’ll agree with that assessment. Slashers (Redemption USA) is a splattery spoof on reality shows that pits six contestants against a trio of psychopaths, while Sight (Lions Gate) concerns a headcase who sees dead people and meets a girl with similar abilities; I believe you’ve seen both of these storylines several times already. Same goes for Sorority Sister Slaughter (York) – sorority girls, killer in the house, etc., etc. And as much as I like Jess Franco, I just can’t bring myself to watch his newer stuff, which is the focus of Vampire Lovers (Sub Rosa Studios), a two-fer of Jess’s Vampire Blues and Vampire Junction.

A Dirty Carnival (Genius) is a 2006 Korean crime pic about a low-level gangster with a pile of worries on his back – age and obsolescence in the mob, his sickly mother, a brother who wants to follow in his footsteps, and the girl he loves – and a chance to rise in the ranks that comes with a considerable price tag. In short, it’s not your average Asian gangster picture, but it balances the action with believable human drama and even a few touches of humor. Maybe not for the Dog Eat Dog crowd.

Finishing The Game (Genius) has a clever premise – it’s based around the real-life search for stand-ins to double for Bruce Lee in Game of Death when the martial arts legend died in the middle of filming. Director Justin Lin addresses this potentially fascinating material as a mockumentary, which is a style that’s beyond played out at this point, but judging from this trailer, there are a few laughs to be had:

With all due respect to Freddie Blassie, Wayne Edmondson is King of Men this week – that’s because he’s the lucky sunuvagun that won our Women’s Prison Massacre DVD giveaway. Wayne could not be reached for comment at press time due to his responsibilities at the slaughterhouse, but I’m sure he would echo the sentiment that yes, people really do win at Sleazegrinder.com.

No contest this week, but be sure to check back for future swag!

For the purest of old-school creature feature action, you cannot go wrong with The Classic Sci-Fi Ultimate Collection, Volumes 1 and 2 (Universal). Sure, the title is a mouthful, and I think that some serious stretching of the truth is required to apply the “classic” label to Monster on the Campus or The Leech Woman, but you can’t argue that all 10 movies included in this set, culled from Universal’s science fiction library of the ‘40s and ‘50s, are undeniably fun and should bring to mind pleasant childhood memories of Saturday afternoons wasted in front of black and white TV sets. The real gems in the set are Dr. Cyclops, a late ’40s color effort with Albert Dekker as a creepy perv of a mad doctor who shrinks castaways on his remote island, and The Incredible Shrinking Man, which offers both a smart and imaginative script by Richard Matheson (who also penned the source novel) and some of the most harrowing and haunting scenes in ‘50s science fiction (tiny Grant Williams vs. a house cat and a spider). The Collection is rounded out by some enjoyable big bug rallies (Tarantula, The Deadly Mantis), the eerie Cult of the Cobra (a snake woman stalks GIs who desecrated her temple), and a handful of likable goofs, including The Mole People, The Land Unknown (dinosaur action) and The Monolith Monsters (killer rocks from space). 

Feast yer peepers on the trailer for The Incredible Shrinking Man:

Speaking of ‘50s science fiction, Lionsgate is releasing 1954’s Tobor The Great, a slow-moving slice of “ain’t science great” melodrama which only comes to life when the clunky title robot swings into action to take on a Communist cell that’s scheming to steal his plans for the Reds. Unfortunately, you have to swallow a lot of malarkey involving the grandson of Tobor’s inventor in order to get to scenes like this one:

The latest contender for the “Most Intense Horror Film” title is France’s Frontier(s) (Lionsgate), an extremely nasty piece of work about a pregnant thief and her crew who hide out from the law in a remote hotel, only to find that the owners are not only cannibals but neo-Nazis bent on setting up a breeding farm for their own little master race. Cannibals and neo-Nazis? That’s like a triple word score on the old Violence Meter, as you’ll see from this heavy-handed trailer:

Somewhat more light-hearted is The Cottage (Sony), a British horror-comedy about two squabbling brothers (Andy Serkis and Reece Shearsmith) who bungle the kidnapping of a crime boss’s daughter, and in the process, come into contact with a flesh-eating lunatic farmer. Apparently, it’s not a good idea to head out to the country in Europe.

Note to horror nerds: the old guy at the beginning of this trailer for The Cottage is Doug Bradley from the Hellraiser series:

Also on the gory-funny tip is Botched (Warner), a British effort with Stephen Dorff as a crook whose plan to steal a jeweled cross in Russia is thwarted by a sadistic descendant of Ivan the Terrible. Just so you know, the jokes apparently hinge on people without pants, or who fall down a lot. Here’s the trailer to prove it:

Amateur Porn Star Killer 2 (Cinema Epoch) is more of director/star Shane Ryan’s “mind of a serial killer” trip – his hero picks up girls under the pretense of shooting amateur hardcore and murders them – with the added twist of two versions for viewers: the “movie version,” which unspools like a very low-budget exploitation picture might, and the “snuff version,” which is filmed in long, unblinking takes without much dialogue. I can’t say I’m dying to see this movie, but I have to credit Ryan for attempting to take this type of movie to different aesthetic places, and for toning down the splatter (he does add some hardcore footage, tho), which only increases the unpleasantness of the violence.

I can find almost nothing about the 1991 movie Gross Out, which is arriving on DVD courtesy MVD, but I’m totally intrigued by its pedigree: Bill Osco, who shot one of the first feature-length adult films, Mona, back in the early ‘70s and later went on to produce Flesh Gordon, The Being, and Night Patrol (!), was behind the camera, and his Blood Diner collaborator Carl Crew (later Jeffrey Dahmer in The Secret Life) wrote the script. Apparently, it’s about a crazy old lady who charges her three insane children to shoot a movie that will make her vomit. No kidding.

Sleazegrinder was front and center for one of the few theatrical screenings of Meat Loaf: In Search of Paradise, and reported on the film, as well as encounters with teenaged Loaf fanatics here. The film, which chronicles the highs and lows of his 2007 Canadian tour as well as an insane bit of controversy he encountered with singer Aspen Miller, who handled “Paradise By the Dashboard Light” with him, is available on DVD from Hip-O.

Los Straitjackets seem to have been forgotten in the wholesale abandonment of the ’60s-style garage scene, which is too bad, because gimmick aside (all four members of the band wore Mexican wrestling masks), they were terrifically talented and inventive players who really breathed new life into the subgenre. They’re still in operation, tho, and have just released In Concert (Yep Roc), a live DVD that features some of the quartet’s signature songs, including their perverse but unquestionably great cover of Celine Dion’s “My Heart Will Go On.” The band is also planning to release an LP version that includes tracks not featured on the DVD.

Here’s the Straitjackets’ take on “My Heart Will Go On” from the Aladdin Theater in ’06:

Meanwhile, MVD has T.S.O.L. – The Early Years Live, a compilation of concert footage shot by Flipside magazine and early ‘80s VHS terrorists Target Video. The 14 tracks (which include staples like “Darker My Love” and “Abolish Government/Silent Majority”) are rounded out by footage of frontman Jack Grishman reading from his upcoming book, and a live clip of T.S.O.L. circa 2007. MVD’s also releasing Earache My Eye, a 1989 collection of videos from Earache’s roster of grindcore and noise acts, including God Flesh, Entombed, Fudge Tunnel, Napalm Death, and Pitchshifter. You’ll need no better excuses to relive your misspent youth than these discs.

Yow - dig Jack’s vest in this version of “Darker My Love” from The Early Years Live:

What the…? It’s Cathedral’s “Hopkins (The Witchfinder General)”:

Can I Do It… Till I Need Glasses? (Code Red) is an obscure 1977 sketch comedy movie best known for a brief, pre-fame appearance by Robin Williams. His presence doesn’t enliven the movie in any way (in fact, his brief scene were clipped for the theatrical release, but re-instated after he hit it big with “Mork and Mindy,” which naturally resulted in a lawsuit), but the picture itself is amusing in a very juvenile way, especially if you’ve cultivated a taste for really terrible and slightly suggestive jokes. Here’s an example:

Meanwhile, The Bite (Cinema Epoch) is a 1965 Japanese sexploitation drama about a young man who becomes a gigolo in order to care for his sick mother. Things get complicated when he falls for one of his customers, and even more so when the madam he works for gets wind of the romance. It’s a slick if somewhat cold black and white effort from Hiroshi Mukai, one of the most prolific “pinku” directors.

Meanwhile, National Lampoon’s Cattle Call continues to reinforce what Sleazegrinder rightly described as another “dumb fuckin’ movie [made by] a magazine that still goes over my head.” The high-larious premise here has Thomas Ian Nichols of American Pie setting up a fake casting agency with his moron friends in order to meet girls. That’s it. An extraordinary amount of talented people all had enough free time to make appearances in this movie, including Jonathan Winters (!), Paul Mazursky, Chelsea Handler and Diedrich Bader. And the janitor is played by Buck Kartalian, who’s been making movies like these since The Acid Eaters and The Booby Trap!  Talk about bringing it full circle…

“From the makers of Vacation and Animal House…” Jeez, how sad:

Hey, did you know that Mickey Rooney won World War II? It’s true – at least, according to Roger Corman, who cast the Rooner as one of five misfit soldiers sent to rescue an Italian general imprisoned by the Nazis before he could switch sides in The Secret Invasion (UA). Also on board for this Dirty Not-Quite-A-Half-Dozen mission are aging movie idol Stewart Granger, super cool Henry Silva, William Campbell from Dementia 13, and Edd “Kookie” Byrnes! Low-budget action at its… well, finest, I don’t know, but it’s definitely for Corman completists. This one just played L.A. as part of a two-week festival hosted by Joe Dante.

And the unlikely team of James Coburn and Rod Steiger are on hand in Duck, You Sucker (UA), Sergio Leone’s final Eurowestern about a Mexican thief (Steiger, eating scenery by the fistful) and an Irish explosives expert (Coburn) who get swept up in the Mexican Revolution of 1917. Not Leone’s best, but it’s still full of amazing set pieces and superior action (including some of the most amazing explosions you’ve ever seen on film), as well as one of Ennio Morricone’s most eccentric scores; this DVD is a no-frills edition that lacks the amazing restored version MGM released in 2004, but the movie is still worth a look-see if you’re a newly minted Leone fan.

If you think a whole lotta stuff blows up in this trailer for Duck You Sucker (shown here under its American release title of A Fistful of Dynamite), wait until you see the movie:

Hey, weirdos! One lucky mofo will claim the new uncut double feature of Bruno Mattei’s Women’s Prison Massacre and Caged Women from Retro Shock-o-Rama. There have been sleazy, stupid, mean-spirited women in prison exploitation films before, but few, if any, can match the mad-dog lunacy of these two early ‘80s Italian productions, which are rife with splattery violence and hands-all-over sex. Don’t believe me? Here’s the trailer for WPM:

 Oh, you’ve gotta have it now, don’t you? Here’s how: send your name and address to paul.gaita@gmail.com and put Women’s Prison Massacre Giveaway in the subject line. First e-mail to cross my desk gets the goods – which, at the risk of tooting my own horn, include original liner notes written by yours truly. Contest ends on lucky May 13.

None of my Picks to Click this week is gonna find its way onto any sensible sleaze beast’s Top 10 lists, but you know, there’s something to be said for the simple pleasures of a half-assed horror or exploitation film. It’s not unlike drinking cheap beer or sleeping with an old girlfriend whom you find only partially attractive – it’s not the best way to get your kicks, but ultimately, you get what you need out of it.

First on my list of loveable losers is a double shot from Code Red, who is now distributing its discs through BCI/Eclipse. They’ve reissued two of their more interesting/amusing titles as part of the deal – The Forest, a nutzoid 1981 slasher-in-the-woods story which combines a ghost story element with a cannibalistic hermit who stalks campers, and the perverse The Devil Times Five, about underage homicidal maniacs (who count Leif Garrett among their number!) on the loose in a snowy retreat. Both DVDs are loaded with extras, including commentary with the filmmakers and casts of both films, as well as trailers for Code Red’s library of fine filth.

You’ll recognize Leif Garrett by his spectacular head of hair in the trailer for The Devil Times Five:

And speaking of Leif Garrett (a phase I thought I’d never type in this column), the future Tiger Beat pin-up king also turns up in Macon County Line (Warner Bros) one of the most successful and influential of the Southern exploitation films of the early ‘70s. Believe it or not, but Max Baer Jr., who played Jethro on the Beverly Hillbillies, was the driving force behind this low-key revenge picture about a tough sheriff who singles out two brothers from Chicago (real-life siblings Alan and Jesse Vint), who have arrived in his sleepy backwater town at the same time his wife has been assaulted. The result is a tense, slow-boiling thriller that devotes as much time to its characters as it does to the explosion of violence that brings the picture to a close, and it’s exceptionally well acted by the Vint brothers, the great character actor Geoffrey Lewis, and especially Baer, who dispels the stigma of Jethro with his unsettling performance. Warner’s DVD is widescreen and includes the original trailer, but sadly, none of the extras (commentary by director Richard Compton, and interviews with the cast and crew) that made an earlier release by Anchor Bay valuable to fans and collectors are included.

Macon County Line’s trailer looks like this:

Another agreeable time-killer on shelves this week is The Car (Universal), one of the loopiest entries in the ‘70s subgenre of Satanic-themed chillers. The devil in the details here is a sleek black sedan which drives on diabolical unleaded and makes life difficult for sheriff James Brolin and the residents of a small desert town. A staple of late-night and Saturday afternoon creature feature screenings, The Car is (to borrow a phrase from Joe Bob Briggs) as dumb as a bag of hammers, but certainly delivers everything you’d ask from a movie about Satan’s sedan – people get run over but good every fifteen minutes or so, Brolin and the cast (which includes Kim Richards from the Witch Mountain movies) manage to keep from dissolving into hysterics, and best of all, the picture’s creative consultant was Church of Satan head Anton LaVey! I’d give good money to be in on those meetings: “So, Anton, look, could the Devil possess a car?” “Uh, sure, I suppose.” “Great – grab your check on the way out, will ya?”

I’ve gotta say it – Honk if you love Satan! It’s the trailer for The Car:

Back in February, Sleazegrinder dug the hell out of Teeth, which made plenty of male viewers squirm with its story of a naïve young girl who happens to sport a set of teeth in her lady parts. You can read his review HERE, and then run right out and pick up the new DVD from Dimension Extreme, which includes commentary by director Mitchell Lichtenstein, a battery of deleted scenes, and a making-of featurette, which may or may not give dudes the strength to uncross their legs, which may be locked permanently after watching this movie. 

“I think there might be something weird going on inside,” says Teeth’s teenage heroine Dawn, and boy, is she right, as you can see from the trailer:

I love Tiffany Shepis as much as the next red-blooded American male, but not even her brief shower scene is enough to make me change my mind about Abominable (Anchor Bay), a low-budget monster movie about a homicidal Bigfoot that squanders the promise of its initial premise (Matt McCoy is a wheelchair-bound man who spies the creature’s dirty deeds while recuperating in a cabin) and its cult-heavy cast, which includes Lance Henriksen, Jeffrey Combs, the late Paul Gleason, and Dee Wallace. The problem is the dopey script, which wastes too much time on McCoy’s asshole nurse (Christian Tinsley, who also designed the creature) and forces other characters to act like complete nincompoops. However, I’m fully aware that this movie has a small but loyal following, so if you’re a member of that group, you can grab up this disc, which includes commentary by the cast and crew and deleted scenes that “weren’t shown on the Sci-Fi Channel.” Have at it, if you must. I’ll stick with Shriek of the Mutilated.

Abominable is the word for it, all right:

Also making trouble for folks in the woods is David DeCoteau’s Grizzly Rage (Genius Products), a surprisingly bloodless animals-gone-amuck story about high school grads who tick off a monster grizzly mama after running down her cub. Yup, you’ve seen this before, but it was called Grizzly, and it was made 30 fucking years ago. Still, I guess I’m glad that Double D is still grinding out grade-Z crap. There’s something comforting about that, I think.

And rounding out the creepshow files this week: Bill Zebub’s Kill the Scream Queen (Brain Damage), his latest attempt to get you to call him controversial, which concerns a degenerate who tortures and kills girls who answer his ads for horror movie actresses (zzzz…); Kinky Cannibal Double Feature (Pop Cinema), a two-fer from William Hellfire that’s essentially the same movie twice (Cannibal Doctor, about a sicko medico who tortures a girl before eating her, and Dinner for Two, with Misty Mundae as the equally soft-headed sister of the original main course); and the Grindhouse Occult Double Feature, which partners two ‘70s hardcore titles with horror overtones: The Sins of Reverend Star (a.k.a. The Sinful Pleasures of Reverend Star) and Joe Davian’s supernatural roughie Night of Submission (which I reviewed years ago. If you’re planning to jerk off to one (or two) horror movies this week, the latter might be your best bet.

Sleaze, you wanna mention your pal’s movie here?

Yeah, sure. Out this week, Bloodsucking Babes from Burbank (Brain Damage), the latest Russ Meyer meets HG Lewis in the welfare line backyard epic from Kirk “Curse of the Pink Panties” Bowman. I reviewed it on the site a month of so ago, you can read it HERE.

Or, for more immediate thrills, watch the titillating trailer:

I guess the Grindhouse Occult Double Feature and Bloodsucking Babes from Burbank are also Movies for Your Penis, but you know, some people don’t like mixing blood with smut. And that’s perfectly Okay by me. More straightforward stroke material can probably be found in Senior Skip Day (First Look), an agreeable ‘80s throwback about a hapless student who attempts to boost his popularity by throwing the annual skip day party at his house. All the ingredients for a teen sex comedy seem to be in place – you’ve got gratuitous nudity, rude behavior, broad comedy, and weirdo guest stars (Clint Howard? Larry Miller? Norm MacDonald? Tara Reid?) – so who knows? Maybe this one’s worth a look-see. Here’s the trailer:

There’s also The Hottie and the Nottie (Liberation), the movie which hopefully put a large wooden stake through Paris Hilton’s film aspirations, and should make for more than a few enjoyable evenings of “let’s laugh at this movie." There’s nothing even remotely sleazy about this picture, from what I understand, so maybe this is a Movie That’s Not Particularly Good for Your Penis. Can’t say. I’m impressed/shocked that Ms. Hilton contributed a commentary track to this train wreck; she’s either dumber than I thought, or has a cast-iron hide. A little of both, I assume.

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