PICKS TO CLICK:

There isn’t a thing I can say about Knocked Up (Universal) that hasn’t already been put to paper or online by a battalion of critics, save for the fact that the only movies that made me laugh as hard as this one were The 40-Year-Old Virgin and Superbad – both of which were also produced and/or directed by Judd Apatow and were co-written and starred Canadian comic Seth Rogen. I guess it’s safe to say that they can count on my future ticket sales. Knocked Up is available in three separate releases – a full-screen edition (anyone who deliberately purchases a full-screen disc should be cut out of your life like a cancer – just saying), a wide-screen version, and an unrated, two-disc collector’s edition. The latter adds only a few minutes to its running time, but the extras are really what justifies the price tag – you get the usual gag reel, deleted and extended scenes, and audition reels, but also several great faux making-of featurettes, one of which is devoted to Apatow’s search for the right leading man (among his candidates are Orlando Bloom, Justin Long, a hilariously combative Michael Cera, and eventually, Apatow himself), two bits devoted to Katherine Heigl’s aggressive OB/GYN Dr. Kuni, and a mockumentary about Apatow’s loss of confidence on set, which necessitates the arrival of Capote director Bennett Miller to act as his proxy. Profoundly stupid down to its last frame, and by that, I mean brilliant.

I didn’t see William Friedkin’s Bug (Lionsgate), which stars Ashley Judd as a lonely waitress who falls under the sway of a psychotic drifter who convinces her that they’re both infested by parasites with possible government connections. Sleazegrinder did catch it, so I’ll let him give you the final word:

Ashley Judd is naked at the end, but she’s covered in gasoline and open wounds, so we’ll call it a push.

-Sleaze

The DVD includes commentary by Friedkin and a making-of featurette.

Speaking of nuts and bugs, Jack (Coffy, Switchblade Sisters) Hill’s amazing Spider Baby is back on the racks with a Special Edition DVD from Dark Sky. If you haven’t clutched this heart-warming story of three sweet siblings (including a baby-faced Sid Haig) whose rapid descent into homicidal madness and cannibalism is overseen by their loving chauffeur (Lon Chaney, Jr.) to your heart yet, now’s the time to do it; Dark Sky’s version is taken from the original 35mm negative and includes eight minutes of previously unseen footage – it’s more Baby for your buck, if you will. The disc also includes a new commentary track by Hill and Haig, a making-of documentary that chronicles the film’s production and disastrous attempts to reach theaters, and featurettes on the film’s composer, Ronald Stein, and its creepy main location in Hollywood. Be aware, however, that the commentary track and footage of the 30^th anniversary cast reunion that were featured on the Image disc are not present here, but hey, every home needs more than one copy of Spider Baby.

Also from Dark Sky is a two-disc set of Tobe Hooper’s Eaten Alive, his 1976 follow-up to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Most people seem to give this loopy pic the gas face, but that’s mainly due to the fact that it doesn’t deliver the same hammer-to-the-forehead reaction as TCM; this one’s more about comic book-style chills – the basic premise centers around the certifiably insane proprietor (Neville Brand) of a fleabag motel in a Deep South swamp, and his unorthodox methods of keeping the peace (hacking people to death with a scythe and feeding them to his king-sized crocodile) – but there are moments that recall Chainsaw’s bug-eyed, wall-to-wall dementia. Dark Sky released this in a single-disc set early in 2007, but pulled it in favor of adding more supplements; now, in addition to the commentary by producer/co-writer Mardi Rustam (Evils in the Night) and actors William Finley, Kyle Richards and Roberta Collins, and featurettes on cast member Robert Englund and the real-life murder case in Texas that inspired the film, there are interviews with Hooper and TCM alum Marilyn Burns, who undergoes more scream therapy in Eaten Alive. Also priceless: a collection of the audience comment cards given out during a preview screening in the ‘70s, and a battery of trailers that highlight the numerous title changes the film underwent.

FROM THE VAULTS:

Don’t let the fact that the 1976 BBC mini-series Count Dracula (BBC Warner) played here in the States as part of Masterpiece Theatre keep you from checking out this atmospheric and faithful take on the Bram Stoker novel. Louis Jordan’s Count hews closer to Christopher Lee in terms of confidence and smoldering sexuality (Gary Oldman can’t carry his cape) and the lengthy running time allows for inclusion of some of the book’s more disturbing moments (Dracula feeding a baby to his Brides). No extras, and the shot-on-video look and special effects haven’t aged well, but it’s still a worthwhile look-see for hardcore children of the night.

I’m not wild about Dario Argento’s The Stendahl Syndrome (Blue-Underground); it has a novel premise (overcome by hallucinations triggered by artwork in a Rome museum, detective Asia Argento is assaulted a violent sex killer who continues to stalk her while carrying out his kill spree) and plenty of bloody special effects, but lacks any sense of cohesiveness beyond stringing together a series of murder set pieces. Your mileage may vary, though, and Blue Underground’s put together a great two-disc set for the movie that includes interviews with the senior Argento, assistant director Luigi Cozzi, and members of his production team, as well as a psychologist who explains the real-life Stendahl phenomenon.  And speaking of Argento, you can check out Demons and Demons 2 (both Anchor Bay), the ferocious supernatural splatfests he produced for director Lamberto Bava in the mid-‘80s (and dig those soundtracks with cuts by Motorhead, Saxon, Accept, and The Cult), or you can go old school and revisit two of his best efforts: the overpowering Suspiria (in a two-disc set that includes interviews with Argento and stars Jessica Harper and Udo Kier) or The Cat O’ Nine Tails (Blue Underground), one of his best early giallos.

While we’re in Italy, I have good news for movie degenerates of all stripes – Severin Films has two of the sleaziest and most perverted exploitation movies from Roma’s sick, sick ‘70s – and best of all, they’re both making their DVD debut. The delightfully titled Malabima: The Malicious Whore (just let that one roll around in your head for a moment) outdoes The Eerie Midnight Horror Show in the Sexed-Up Revamp of The Exorcist Dept. with its unbelievably crass story of a young girl whose seduction of her entire family (and a local nun) is either a case of demonic possession or hormones run amuck! Severin’s DVD preserves the hardcore inserts that made this title much-loved on the grey market scene, and includes interviews with actress Mariangela Giordano (the manhandled nun) and cinematographer Franco Villa. And if that’s not enough Euro-scum for you, Severin also has Satan’s Baby Doll (another great title!), which also stars Giordano (as another defiled nun!), and concerns another nubile teen in the grip of supernatural forces that turn up the volume on her carnal desires. Good stuff, to say the least; the DVD includes an interview with director Mario Bianchi.

Also on deck:

-          From Beyond the Grave (Warner Bros.), a likable English horror anthology, this time centered on patrons (including David Warner and Donald Pleasance) of Peter Cushing’s antique store whose purchases lead to their untimely demise;

-          Someone’s Watching Me (Warner Bros.), a rarely-seen 1978 TV-movie from John Carpenter with Lauren Hutton as a woman dealing with a murderous Peeping Tom; the staggeringly sleazy Eyes of a Stranger (Warner Bros.), with Lauren Tewes (The Love Boat’s Julie McCoy) on the trail of a neighbor who may be a serial killer, and Jennifer Jason Leigh as her blind sister;

-          Three new volumes of Elvira’s Movie Macabre from Shout! Factory, including double bills of Jeff Lieberman’s amazing hippie killfest Blue Sunshine and the baffling Monstroid, Gamera: Super Monster and They Came from Beyond Space, and a Spanish-made two-fer of the ultra-rare freakshow Man-Eater of Hydra (Cameron Mitchell creates a blood-drinking tree!) and The House that Screamed (oh, and lots and lots of double entendre from Ms. E herself);

-           A double play of Roger Corman classics from Buena Vista, including Ron Howard’s Eat My Dust! and Corman’s own The Intruder, with William Shatner as a race-baiter stirring up trouble in the 1960s Deep South;

-          Vintage Erotica Anno 1960, the final collection of old-school European and American porn loops from Cult Epics, all set to mind-expanding, acid-soaked library tracks;

-          Schoolgirl Report #2: What Keeps Parents Awake at Night (Impulse Pictures), another hilarious German softcore smutfest from the ‘70s masquerading as a serious investigation into the sexual habits of daughters of the Fatherland;  

-          Planet of Dinosaurs (Retromedia), a low-budget ‘70s sci-fi effort about astronauts (including James Whitworth, Papa Jupiter from the original Hills Have Eyes) stranded on… well, a planet full of dinosaurs, all brought to impressive stop-motion life by the great Jim Danforth, among others. Retromedia chief Fred Olen Ray moderates the commentary track by director James K. Shea and several of the FX techs.

-          Experiments in Terror 2 (Other Cinema), a second sampler of short arthouse and experimental horror films from around the world, including mystery man J.X. Williams’ Psych-Burn, which blends sexadelic go-go footage and flower power images with scenes of heavy downer violence, and Damon Packard’s The Early ‘70s Horror Trailer, a faux coming attraction that sums up the indie horror scene of the early ‘70s in its short running time (essentially, solarized effects and terrified women in diaphanous dresses). A fun extra is the Closet of Horrors, which randomly offers everything from a vintage commercial for a monster makeup kit to trailers for The Pyx, Doctor Death, and The Tenant.

-          Harlots of the Caribbean (Retromedia), which I know nothing about (and good luck to you in finding ANYTHING about it online), but I know it’s got naked girl pirates, and it’s from Fred Olen Ray. What more do ya need to know?

-          And lastly, George Carlin: All My Stuff (MPI) is just that – all twelve of Carlin’s HBO specials in one big box.

DVDs YOU PROBABLY DON’T NEED:

It’s just my opinion, of course, but you can probably wait a week or two before running out to buy Oliver Stone’s redonkulous The Hand (Warner Bros.), which stars Michael Caine as a cartoonist whose severed hand carries out his revenge fantasies. Same goes for the 25^th Anniversary edition of Cujo (Lionsgate), which I can’t imagine has improved over the past quarter-century. Nor has Deadly Friend (Warner Bros.), Wes Craven’s woeful and weird teen romance-horror about a nerd who implants his robot’s brain into his dead girlfriend, with the expected gruesome results. Also in the wait-for-it file: Dr. Giggles (Warner Bros.), with Larry Drake as the cackling titular dentist-turned-serial-killer, and an unrated cut of the 1994 remake of The Getaway (Universal), which I recommend wholly on the basis of nude scenes involving Kim Basinger and Jennifer Tilly. But maybe you can’t hold off on buying Twisted Sister: Twisted Christmas Live! (Razor and Tie), in which case I will inform you that the disc features the band performing songs from their Twisted Christmas album as well as their own material at the Starland Ballroom in 2006. And lastly, I cannot tell you whether to seek out Televista’s bootleg discs of Three on a Meathook or Women of Cell Block 7, because I have never seen a Televista DVD in my life. But I like the fact that they’re devoted to early ‘70s slasher junk like Meathook (directed by Grizzly helmer William Girdler) or Eurotrash like Cell Block 7, hence my desire to bring them to your attention. Just don’t blame me if they look like crap.

And as for whether you ACTUALLY need these movies or not – that’s entirely your call. Hey, I’m really excited for that Man-Eater of Hydra DVD, so what do I know?

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PICKS TO CLICK:

I’m of two minds over Grindhouse Presents: Death Proof – Extended and Unrated (Weinstein Co.). On one hand, the car stunt work in Quentin Tarantino’s half of the ill-fated Grindhouse feature is nothing short of spectacular, and every time Kurt Russell (as homicidal Stuntman Mike) shows up on the screen, the movie stops processing manufactured hipness and generates real, unfiltered, 100% Cool. But in order to enjoy that, you have to endure what only feels like hours of endless self-satisfied Tarantino dialogue – and the extended version adds fifteen more minutes of chitchat! But on the plus side, you get that “missing reel” of Vanessa Ferlito’s lap dance, and plenty of extras featuring Tarantino’s commentary and/or observations (say what you will about the guy, but he’s knowledgeable as hell about cult movies). Your call, really.

If you’re down for some authentic grindhouse, you’re best served by The Roger Corman Collection (MGM), which compiles eight, count ‘em, eight of the Drive-In King’s best flicks from the ‘50s, ‘60s and ‘70s. Bossest in the bunch are probably The Wild Angels (Peter Fonda, Nancy Sinatra, Bruce Dern, score by Davie Allan and the Arrows), The Trip (Peter Fonda, Dennis Hopper, LSD, score by the Electric Flag), and X – The Man with the X-Ray Eyes (Ray Milland can see through everything – and it stars Don Rickles!), but make time for A Bucket of Blood (Dick Miller and beatniks), The Premature Burial (Ray Milland meets Edgar Allan Poe), Bloody Mama (Shelly Winters and Robert De Niro as Ma Barker and son), The Young Racers (motor-sickle action) and Gas-s-s-s (end of the world with hippies). Mama and Racers have never been on DVD before, so grab it while the grabbing’s good.

There’s also Alligator (Lionsgate), Lewis Teague’s long-out-of-circulation tribute to giant monster movies, with a script by John Sayles, and a tres cool cast lead by Robert Forster as a beleaguered cop on the trail of a giant gator in the New York sewer system, and Henry Silva as the big game hunter out to bag its scaly hide. Smarter and funnier than a movie about a giant alligator should be; don’t bother with the sequels.

And last (but in no way least) is the late Bob Clark’s underrated Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things (VCI). I’ve been heaping praise on this bizarre zombie horror/black comedy for over a decade now, and I’m really glad to see that people are finally appreciating it as something more than just a revamp of Night of the Living Dead. If you’re a fan of Clark’s other horror pics (Black Christmas, Deathdream, Deranged), you’ll get the same vibe from Children – it’s full of genuinely startling moments of horror mixed with weird-oh humor, but the results are less jarring than quirkily fascinating. VCI’s DVD – marketed as the 35^th Anniversary Exhumed Edition – includes commentary by cast members (including screenwriter/make-up artist Alan Ormsby) and music videos by Freak 13 and The Deadthings, who are purportedly “Australia’s #1 Glam Band.” Make of that what you will.

HORROR BUSINESS:

Closure (Sony) is a grim English-made revenge story starring Gillian Anderson of The X-Files as a reserved businesswoman who is brutally assaulted by a group of hunters after a party at a mansion in the woods. While her companion, a security expert (Danny Dyer) struggles to recover from the beating he took from the group, Anderson gets harder and meaner, and steels herself to mete out vengeance on her attackers. It’s nothing you haven’t seen before in revenge exploitation (tho the punishment for the main hunter is… something new), but Anderson’s performance makes it watchable (and sci-fi pervs should know that she has a nude scene).

Much better from England is Severance (Magnolia), Christopher (Creep) Smith’s gore-soaked black comedy about a gaggle of burnt-out office types from an arms company on a team-building retreat in Serbia who encounter a kill-crazy stalker who puts their knowledge of defense tactics to the test. The sick humor kicks into high gear in the second half, most memorably in a bit involving a rocket launcher. And hey, is that Danny Dyer in this movie too? He sure is.

Speaking of making something watchable, the presence of Tiffany Shepis is reason enough for you to eyeball Dorm of the Dead (Under The Bed Films), the latest from the infamous Donald Farmer. Tiffany apparently unleashes a zombie virus on the local college campus, which means lots of underpaid extras staggering around in tatty latex and gnawing on each other. Andrea Ownbey and Howard Stern cronies Jackey Hall and Andrea Brooke are in the cast (which explains the positive box cover plug from Howard), but let’s be honest: it’s all about The Shepis.

Also new: Bloodrayne 2: Deliverance (Weinstein Co.), which sends the sexy vampire hunter (now played by model Nastassia Malthe) to the American West to face a blood-sucking Billy the Kid (!); Uwe “I’ll Fight Ya” Boll directs. The Insatiable (Velocity/THINKFilm) puts an amusing spin on vampire romances; here, nebbish salesman meets vampires Charlotte Ayanna in mid-feed, and falls madly in love with her (as you do). His solution? Put her in a cage in his basement. Problems arise in the form of how to keep her alive, and a neighbor (Michael Biehn) with a knack for vampire hunting. And Thai horror title The Victim (Tartan) is a twist-heavy mix of supernatural thriller and crime story about an actress hired to play a murdered girl in a movie based on her killing, only to discover… well, suffice it to say that it’s a switcheroo I didn’t see coming, and a notch or two above the ever-increasing glut of Asian ghost stories.

And from Season Two of Masters of Horror comes the completely absurd Washingtonians (Anchor Bay), about a conspiracy to cover the fact that George Washington was a cannibal (!), as well as Sounds Like (by Session 9’s Brad Anderson), about a man who hearing heightens to abnormal levels. Good pay-off, and a solid performance by Chris Bauer in the lead.

Oh, and it’s not a horror film per se, but horrifying all the same: Zoo (Velocity/Thinkfilm) is a disturbing documentary about zoophiles and the accidental death of one man after attempting to copulate with a horse. Laugh all you want, but this is a serious and very unsettling film, and for fans of fringe psychology, it’s a worthwhile watch.

FROM THE VAULTS:

Despite its goofball title, Robinson Crusoe on Mars (Criterion) is a solid and serious ‘60s sci-fi effort from special effects designer turned director Byron Haskin (The War of the Worlds and numerous episodes of The Outer Limits). The title says it all – Paul Mantee is a U.S. astronaut who becomes marooned on Mars – but it’s the visual effects and design that deserve the most attention. The DVD includes commentary by the cast and screenwriter Ib Melchior, a featurette on the film’s science, and behind-the scenes photos.

Deliverance (Warner) is permanently stuck in most guys’ minds as the movie that features the most harrowing scene of male rape ever filmed, but the movie as a whole is more than just that heart-stopping scene. It’s also a harrowing thriller and an inversion of every outdoor adventure ever made or written; in short, it’s not for city folks.  The 35^th anniversary DVD includes interviews with director John Boorman (who also provides commentary) and stars Burt Reynolds, Jon Voight, Ronny Cox and Ned Beatty, as well as a making-of featurette from the film’s release.

VCI released Watch Me When I Kill on DVD back in 2002, and they’ve apparently improved on that grainy disc with a brand new, uncut transfer; it’s a visually likable if overly familiar Italian giallo about a dancer who becomes the target of a sado-killer after witnessing one of his crimes. Watch Me is also part of VCI’s Italian Giallo Collection, which includes new and improved releases of Dario Argento’s Bird with the Crystal Plumage and Mario Bava’s great Blood and Black Lace.

Oh, and from Televista comes a double bill of super-cheap (and therefore completely watchable) Exorcist knock-offs – it’s Abby, the blaxploitation version, with William (Blacula) Marshall as the preacher trying to root out the Devil from Carol Speed, and Magdelena (aka The Devil’s Female), a super-sleazy German sickflick about a young virgin who becomes possessed after being raped by an evil spirit. Expect lots of nudity, cursing, and frothing at the mouth – a goodtime Saturday night, in short.

MUSIC:

The Johnny Cash TV Show: The Best of Johnny Cash 1969-1971 (Sony Columbia Legacy) is just as it sounds: an incredible 66 musical performances from Cash’s Saturday evening variety show, plus plenty of songs from the Man in Black himself, June Carter Cash, the Carter Family, and Carl Perkins. Highlights are many: Cash duetting with Dylan, and later with an awestruck Eric Clapton and Perkins, and Cash bucking network censors by uttering the word “stoned” in a cover of Kris Kristofferson’s “Sunday Morning Coming Down.” Also on deck are Neil Young, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Jerry Lee Lewis, Roy Orbison, and plenty of other greats. Must-have if you’re a Cash fan or a good American (which is essentially the same thing).

Also on the live performance front: Keith Richards and the X-Pensive Winos: Live at the Hollywood Palladium 1988 (Virgin), which preserves an hour-long perf by Keef (on hiatus from the Rolling Stones) and his crack team of drinkers as they rip through a sampler of his solo work and Stones material (“Happy,” “Time Is On My Side”), with a 16-page booklet of pics from the tour; Deep Purple with the London Symphony Orchestra (Eagle Vision USA), which features the Gillian/Lord/Glover/Paice/Morse lineup, and Ronnie James Dio on two tracks. Heavy, to be sure. Even more so: D.O.A.: 1978-85 – Smash the State (MVD), a compilation of the Canadian road warriors’ original lineup on stage and in interview.

Lastly, there’s All My Loving (MVD), Tony Palmer’s 1968 BBC documentary about rock icons of the period, with live footage of The Who, Jimi Hendrix, Eric Burdon, Frank Zappa and the Beatles (minus John Lennon, who assisted in the project’s production).  And honestly, if you’re not even a little bit cheered by the news that Josie and the Pussycats: The Complete Series (Turner) is available on DVD after three decades, then well, I’m pretty sure that all the light has gone out of your life. Would the fact that there’s a documentary about Josie creator Dan DeCarlo included in the set make things better for you? I hope so.

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Creature Double (and otherwise) Features:

After what only felt like a million years, MGM has revived its great Midnite Movies label (in conjunction with Fox) to release a DVD tidal wave of old-school horror, science fiction, and monster movies from the film vaults. If you spent any amount of time in front of the tube during the ‘70s or ‘80s, most, if not all of these titles will be familiar favorites from your wasted childhood; the majority are taken from the American International Pictures library (THEE home for drive-in movies in the ’50s, ‘60s, and ‘70s), which was purchased by MGM when they picked up Orion Pictures in 1997 (and in turn, the whole magilla was bought by Sony). But enough of that blather – make with the DVDs already!

Where to start? Okay, how ‘bout The Burning, the so-ridiculous-it’s-right campground slasher from ’81 with special effects by Tom Savini and early starring roles for Jason Alexander and Holly (blink and you’ll miss her) Hunter? Yeah, it’s finally available on legal DVD, and it comes with commentary by director Tony Maylam and a featurette on Savini’s impressive special effects. Or there’s the Return of the Living Dead Collector’s Edition – yeah, it has a lot of the same features as the 2002 DVD release (commentary by Dan O’Bannon being the chief virtue), but there’s a new interview with the cast and a 20-minute featurette on ‘80s horror that features chitchats with John Landis, Stuart Gordon, and other players. And speaking of Gordon, now’s a good time to revisit From Beyond (Fox), his lesser-known follow-up to Re-Animator (and featuring stars Jeffrey Combs and Barbara Crampton, as well as Ken Foree) about a glandular experiment which allows its recipients to explore other dimensions. It’s as sick and kinky (if not more so) than its predecessor, and this DVD includes all the material trimmed prior to its release, along with interviews and other material.

On the ‘70s front, the key title is Witchfinder General (which we here in the States saw as Conqueror Worm), which gave Vincent Price a rare opportunity to drop the camp act in the ‘70s and play it straight as a brutally effective witch hunter in 18^th-century England. Heavily edited for American moviegoers, this DVD presents director Michael Reeves’ original cut (and replaces the original score), and offers commentary by producer Phillip Waddilove and co-star Ian Ogilvy. Witchfinder is also included in the Vincent Price: MGM Scream Legends Collection, a multi-disc set that also offers such VP must-haves as The Abominable Dr. Phibes and Dr. Phibes Rises Again, Theater Of Blood, Tales of Terror, and Madhouse, as well as featurettes about and documentaries on Price.  Oh, and there’s more Price in The Fly Collection (Fox), which includes the original Fly, its goofier sequel Return of the Fly, and the completely berserk (and therefore enjoyable) third film, Curse of the Fly. Extras include commentary by the Fly himself, David Hedison, and featurettes on the making of the first film. And just to keep this segue train rolling even FURTHER, Hedison can also be seen opposite Claude Rains, Fernando Lamas, and Jill (hotcha) St. John in Irwin Allen’s corny but likable 1960 remake of The Lost World; Fox’s DVD apparently includes the original 1925 silent version as well.

Also from the funky-freaky ‘70s: a single-disc two-fer of Tales from the Crypt and Vault of Horror, the gleefully vicious English horror anthologies based on E.C.’s infamous comic books; The Food of the Gods, a hilarious ecology-gone-wild chiller from Bert I. Gordon (Village of the Giants) that features the sight of Marjoe Gortner fighting huge, rear-projected chickens and rats; and The House on Skull Mountain/The Mephisto Waltz – the former is a blend of Old Dark House-style chills with a drop of blaxploitation courtesy a voodoo plotline, and the latter is a creepy Satanic thriller about a concert musician (Alan Alda) who sells his soul for success (and Jacqueline Bisset, which is totally understandable). Oh, and there’s an ‘70s/’80s split with The Beast Within, a weird-oh monster pic from ’82 about a kid whose horrible heritage (his mom was raped by a thing in the woods) comes to roost when he turns 18; it’s teamed with 1974’s The Bat People, which has a doctor turn into a man-bat-thing after a bite from rabid vampire bats. It could happen.

From the ‘60s comes Devils of Darkness, a little-seen English spookshow about a Satanic vampire cult(!), and it’s partnered with the equally obscure Witchcraft, with Lon Chaney Jr. as the head of a family of black magicians. For giant monster action, head directly to the double bill of Yongary, Monster from the Deep (horned dinosaur threatens South Korea in between bouts of go-go dancing) and Konga (Michael Gough chews scenery and creates a giant ape). And straddling the ‘60s and ‘70s is Chosen Survivors (1974), with nuclear attack survivors dealing with rabid bat attacks in their underground shelter, which is tag-teamed with the bizarre Earth Dies Screaming (1965), about an attack on an English village by alien robots that reanimate the dead!

And from the ‘50s, there’s Pharoah’s Curse, with an Egyptian archeological team under attack from a blood-drinking mummy after desecrating a tomb; it’s on the same bill with Curse of the Faceless Man, which pits Richard Anderson (Oscar from The Six Million Dollar Man) against a reanimated but petrified victim from Pompeii. There’s also Phantom from 10,000 Leagues, an early AIP productions about a radioactive sea monster, and The Beast with a Million Eyes, which actually doesn’t have a million eyes, but the alien creature does wreak havoc via mind control on a remote ranch. Oh, and save room for The Return of Dracula, with Francis Lederer as the Count, who preys on a suburban California family; its second feature is The Vampire, about another well-meaning doctor who turns into a blood-sucking fiend through experiments gone wrong. Sensing a theme here?

And in the Neither Here Nor There department, there’s Gorilla At Large, which most of us caught as kids during the ‘80s as part of that 3-D on TV wave; it’s a hilarious mystery set at a circus, with Raymond Burr and Cameron Mitchell vying for Anne Bancroft, and Lee J. Cobb attempting to solve murders. For some reason, it’s paired with Mystery on Monster Island, a Spanish-made fantasy from the director of Pieces and Slugs about shipwreck survivors on an island filled with dinosaurs, pirates, Peter Cushing, Terence Stamp, and lots of actors from ‘70s Spanish horror movies. There’s also The Curse and Curse 2: The Bite; the former is a Lucio Fulci-produced adaptation of Lovecraft’s “The Colour Out of Space,” and the sequel has nothing to do with it – it’s about a guy whose hand turns into a snake after being bitten by a radioactive rattler. Blueprint for Murder and The Man in the Attic are lowkey ‘50s mysteries – the Man in the Attic is Jack the Ripper, for your information. There’s also Scarecrows, an effective 1988 thriller about thieves who find themselves in a remote graveyard surrounded by zombie straw men (don’t know if this is the R-rated cut or the unedited version), and the umpteenth reissue of Michael Mann’s Manhunter, which is the first film adaptation of Thomas Harris’ Red Dragon and features Brian Cox as a fairly creepy Hannibal Lecter.

Oh, and if that ain’t enough to satisfy your inner monster kid, truck on over to your local Best Buy, ’cause they’ve got a deal with Universal to release The Classic Sci-Fi Ultimate Collection, Volume 2, which includes at least one genuine classic – 1940’s Dr. Cyclops – and a dogpile of fun ‘50s monster pics, including The Deadly Mantis, The Land Unknown, The Leech Woman, and the atmospheric Cult of the Cobra.

Got all that?

Horror Business:

Jeez, you need more? Okay, BCI has another installment of its great Welcome to the Grindhouse series, this time featuring the grimy Don’t Answer the Phone, with Nicholas Worth as a perverted photographer and crank caller who butchers his subjects, and Prime Evil, a demented low-budget Satanic chiller from softcore and hardcore legend Roberta Findlay. Meanwhile, Image has Nailed, an “urban psycho-thriller” about a pair of thieves who break into a house of horrors. Sounds like torture porn to me, but I could be wrong. Velocity/Thinkfilm has House of Usher, an updated revamp of the Poe story with Izabella Miko as the guest visiting her old boyfriend Rod Usher and discovering his unhealthy relationship with his sister. And Camp Motion Pictures has Beauty Queen Butcher, a 1991 slasher splatfest about a tormented high school girl who gets revenge on her asshole schoolmates. It’s apparently never been released in any format prior to this, which makes it either an amazing discovery or the most painful 90 minutes of your life. But if you dig that kind of abuse, you also might wanna check out House on Hooter Hill (Seduction Cinema )– it’s Jim Wynorski plus Glori-Anne Gilbert, Taylor Wane, and other gals with big jugs (sorry, all softcore, ya creeps) or Televista’s dubious prints of Don’t Look in the Attic (couple inherits a haunted mansion), The Demon Lover (infamous regional Satanic thriller with Gunnar Hansen), Zombie Aftermath (astronauts crash on a post-apocalypse world populated by Sid Haig’s bikers, zombies, Forrest J. Ackerman, Lynne Marguiles, and Eric Caidin!), and Houseboat Horror (Australian slasher pic about a killer picking off a film crew shooting a flash metal rock video). Have at it.

Sleazy Does It

The kung-fu jigglefest D.O.A. Dead or Alive (Weinstein Co.) came and went in theaters, but it’s back on DVD to enliven that quiet Friday night. Jamie Pressley is top-billed, but don’t expect any nudity beyond the PG-13 level. Martial arts legend Corey Yuen directed, but I imagine he and Ms. Pressley would be happy if you just forgot that detail. Meanwhile, my favorite blatant bootleggers Televista have a Vegas buffet’s worth of Eurotrash, including Jess Franco, a 1981 Spanish/German scumfest about sex slaves that’s also known under one of my favorite titles of all time – Naked Super Witches of the Rio Amore; Doris Wishman’s lunatic Keyholes Are for Peeping, with professional Jerry Lewis imitator Sammy Petrillo and porn talent Alex Mann and Arlana Blue – I’m guessing this is the softcore version; Lucio Fulci’s Ghosts of Sodoma, about the spirits of Nazis killed during an orgy who prey on teens visiting their grave site; Sylvia Kristel in Roger Vadim’s period heavy-breather Game of Seduction, and naughty ‘70s Brit exploitation titles What’s Up Nurse! and What’s Up Superdoc!

Oh, and Shout Factory  has another installment of The Film Crew, which features Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy of Mystery Science Theater 3000 fame taking more potshots at lousy movies. Their current target: the prehistoric cheesecake action of Wild Women of Wongo.

Hidden Arthouse

I hold no faith in this being a quality DVD presentation, but Televista has Samuel Fuller’s White Dog, an intense thriller about a woman (Kristy McNichol) who unknowingly adopts a dog that has been trained to attack black people. It’s been unavailable for viewing save for a few cable screenings since its release in 1982, so if you’re willing to risk what’s probably going to be a smeary-looking dupe, you’ll find this a challenging but worthwhile movie.

And Animeigo has the third installment in the always-amazing, gore-soaked Baby Cart/Shogun Assassin series from Japan. This time around it’s Shogun Assassin 3: Slashing Blades of Carnage (wotta title!). As with their previous Shogun Assassin releases, this is the dubbed version of the third film in the series (Lone Wolf and Cub – Baby Cart in Peril) and rebuilt from the American bootleg versions, which were built from edited version of the Japanese originals to make the 1981 feature Shogun Assassin. Yeah, it’s complicated and confusing, but you’ve got lots of blood, naked female killers, and lots and lots and lots of samurai swordfighting action. You got any complaints after that, keep ‘em to yourself.

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After last week’s avalanche of discs, it seems like things have quieted down a little bit around DVD Ranch. Don’t worry – it’s only a minor speedbump before next week’s onslaught (been wondering what happened to the Midnite Movies series? Oh, they’re back with a vengeance on Sept. 11), but for now, here’s a snack to tide you over before the next course. Sony has a double-disc of Resident Evil and Resident Evil: Apocalypse that ties in nicely with the new theatrical sequel, Extinction – and guess what? If you buy this set, you get a free ticket to the flick! I’m gonna pass on that particular promo – the best thing about the Resident Evil movies for me is Milla Jovovich’s face, but I imagine there’s some readers out there who dig the video game/zombie beatdown action like there’s no tomorrow.

Also in the horror department: Unholy (Anchor Bay) is a somewhat downbeat thriller about a mother and son (Adrienne Barbeau and Nicholas Brendon) whose investigation into their daughter/sister’s suicide leads to a government-sponsored cult with ties to Nazi Germany (!). And First Look Home Entertainment has Dog Soldiers, the terrific first feature from Neil Marshall, director of The Descent. It’s a lighter, more action-oriented movie than Descent – basically, it’s Scottish soldiers vs. werewolves – but it has more energy than most of the movies in theaters this summer, and the effects are on the money. Stop watching that crappy edited version on Sci-Fi and pick this up.

Also on deck: Up in Smoke: The High-larious Edition (Paramount), which offers commentary by Cheech Marin and director Lou (Don’t Give Me Shit about Cisco) Adler, interviews with Cheech and Tommy Chong, deleted scenes, a new animated video for the classic “Earache My Eye,” and vintage radio spots. Groovy. And the ultra-violent South Korean actioner City of Violence gets a double-disc treatment from Weinstein, including plenty of behind-the-scenes footage and examinations of the movie’s eye-popping fight scenes. Double groovy, I’d say.

And from the grey market ghoulies at Televista, it’s another batch of Eurotrash from dubious origins. Highlights include the hilarious Italian Conan ripoff Thor the Conqueror; The Loves and Times of Scaramouche, a 1976 sex comedy/action pic from Enzo Castellari (Keoma, Heroin Busters) and starring Ursula Andress (yowza); Flesh and Fire, a.k.a. Fire Under the Skin, a 1985 sex-among-the-wealthy effort from notorious hardcore and softcore kinkster Gerard Kikoine (The Tale of Tiffany Lust, Edge of Sanity); and Paul Raymond’s Erotica, which intersperses a look at the ‘80s-erastrip club empire of UK smut publisher Paul Raymond with the yummy Brigitte Lahaie as a French reporter getting her tingle untangled while investigating Raymond. Not sure how uncut this last one is (there’s a flash of a hard-on in the original version), but I firmly believe that even R-rated Brigitte Lahaie is, like cheap pizza, still a pretty good time, so you’re in good hands either way.

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 -Paul Gaita