In just a brief period of time, Elsa’s managed to conquer the internet via her molto-foxy web site (elsabangz.com) and through a handful of excursions into mainstream porn (most notably in Diabolic’s World Sex Tour #24), and even found time to pound more flesh (in an entirely different way) with Canada’s Internet Wrestling Syndicate. And if that’s not enough, she’s established a beachhead in the tres-hip world of burlesque with her fellow online starlet Seska as one-half of The Coral Lees (www.corallees.com), which has earned rave reviews from the Canadian press. Were this the 17th Century, they’d call Elsa a Renaissance Woman. We like to call her The All-Purpose Warrior Sex Queen.

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The Ultimate Degenerate: You’re the second hot adult performer from Canada that I’ve encountered, which begs the question: is it the beer or the socialized medicine?

Elsa Bangz: A bit of both, I would say. But our beer is much stronger than the normal pussied-out American beer -- 6.5 is the average level of alcohol here.

UD: Explain the origin of the name Elsa Bangz.

EB: Elsa was the name of a really bad French singer who had ONE hit. It was godawful, but her name stuck in my head for a long time. Bangz was given to me by someone I worked with…he introduced me to his friends as Elsa Bangzalot…only the Bangz remained. For those witty ones who think I took my name from the She-Wolf of the SS movie…you are wrong, ’cause she’s Ilsa (sorry, I get asked about this A LOT--people think I have a very “dom” look and they all associate the movie with my name)!

UD: You have a degree in literature, studied classical music and trained in opera, all of which means that you’re a million times classier and smarter than us. If we came to your house with Die Fledermaus and the collected works of Joyce, would we have a chance in hell with you?

EB: To the first sentence, I would just like to add: That’s right, bitches…I’m literate! To answer…no.

Well, who knows? Maybe. Hmm…but you’d have 10,000 times more of a chance to get in my pants with a Tool CD or something funky or super-lame like Air Supply…I mark out for Air Supply. (This may be the first time in recorded history where Air Supply was credited as a possible aphrodisiac—UD).

UD: Where did the classical music kick come from?

EB: Well, the teacher that actually sent me to audition for the classical music college I eventually went to was classically trained and kind of hooked me on it. But, ok…funny story: I was a competition figure skater when I was younger and skated on a lot of classical pieces, so it had always been part of my life, sorta.

UD: You may have the only adult site that references John Cage, Queens of the Stone Age and Wanda Jackson (although we’re gonna look past your love for Incubus and Brandon Boyd). Tell us what CDs you cant stop listening to lately, and exactly what the hell peche mignons are (excuse our ugly Americanism).

EB: Okay, first of all…S.C.I.E.N.C.E by Incubus is a fucking awesome album, the bass lines are fucking great and everything is perfectly placed together…so DO NOT get me started on this…I do mention “early Incubus” (on the site)--I do not actually listen to new Incubus. It’s not to my liking.

Okay, for two years all I listened to was (Tool’s) Aenima, and I refused to start another Tool album to try and actually get into some other things…but guess what? I got sucked in to Lateralus and I won’t be listening to anything else, for a loooong ass time. GOD DAMN!

I am very eclectic in my musical genres and tastes. Well, I always have been, but right now, I’m just so damn all over the place. I listen to this band--friends of mine who are making it big on the French quebecois scene right now--Les Trois Accords. It’s funny and quite good. I also got into Korn. Never did before, but now I enjoy it. Sublime is also back on the map right now (for me).

Pêchés mignons mean: basically something you may, or may not, be too proud of, but can’t help but like.

EB: I hate pro porn. It’s such bullshit. I started in this business to explore my own sexual horizons and kinda live different sexual lives all at once. The internet was good for that, cause I had control and I had fun. It was based on reality. Films are not. Though I did have control (hence why I didn’t shoot much. I did find companies with which I could be myself and actually choose who to shoot with), it just really disenchanted me to do pro porn. I just don’t like to fake. On my webcam, if I didn’t cum, I didn’t cum, much like in real life. I’m not gonna fake it, the fans know me and know if I would be tricking them. So why bother?

On film, man, I did these Playboy genre of movies (hahahaha) and god, so much fucking acting for what? Who gives a shit about the scene? They are all bad actors anyway, so man, just get on with the fucking! We’d have like twelve-hour days and in that, only three hours of fucking, and at the END of the day. Bravo…no one has any freaking drive left at that point. I don’t even watch porn, really…I like Gauge cause she’s barely legal looking, and Heather ( www.ideepthroat.com) needs to give us lessons…holy shit!

UD: What the hell was up with Bobby Vitale in World Sex Tour #24? (pro meathead Vitale and Elsa have a tense moment in the middle of a five-man gangbang which culminates in Bobby taking a swat at her and Elsa giving his nipple a furious tweak).

EB: He needed his asshole licked, that’s what. He’s fucking hot. He’s ruff. He likes to fucking stick his cock really far down your throat until you gag while blocking your nose with his free hand. He tried it on me, and I jammed my finger dry up his butt…never did it again. So we moved on to things I didn’t mind.

UD: So in addition to being your own bad self, reviewing CDs and porn, and running your site, you’re in the Coral Lees , which is easily the cutest damn web site in existence. Tell us about that.

EB: Hahaha! That’s the point. The Coral Lees is a burlesque troupe that Seska (www.seska.com) and I have started. Seska and I have done a lot of work on the internet together but also take part of the same wrestling federation. So we have become really good friends throughout the years. We started this troupe so we could slowly find other ways to kinda tease the scene and get out of the studios. I love performing, I cant help it. Basically the Coral Lees is just a stupid excuse for me to act retarded on stage and get paid and get praised—HAHAHA! (That’s pretty much why I write for Sleazegrinder—UD

UD: Okay, please, please explain the wrestling.

EB: I’ve always watched wrestling. When Carol Cox asked me if I wanted to take part of the IWS (Internet Wrestling Syndicate syndicatewrestling.com) four years ago, I said yes…no problem. Since then, I have never left. I love it. I trained for a while until we lost our practice space. I am actually looking to move to California in the next year to train more seriously. I have taken my share of moves, a lot of people’s finishers (Elsa’s finishing move, according to the IWS site, is “the Tornado DDT using the second and third rope”). Been through a table. Got one of the sickest, SICKEST chair shot ever take by a girl. And I’m proud as hell. Right now, its my thing.

I only hang out with workers and I love the whole slang…it’s just such a part of who I have become. A lot of my friends are making it in the American indies and I’m so proud of them. We are also now on PPV across Canada and soon in the States. It’s awesome. I love it.

UD: When was the last time you lost a fight?

EB: Well, I don’t wrestle matches. I’m not a wrestler. I’m a valet who trained and can take and give moves. I wouldn’t be so bold as to call myself a wrestler, so this question does not apply. But I never lost a street fight. Fucking right, man. I may be small but I know where to hit. And I ALWAYS wear my combat boots to fucking kill you behind the knees. (Point well taken.—UD)

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UD: Tell us what a quiet evening at home with Elsa is like. Does such a thing exist?

EB: That’s EVERY NIGHT—hahahahaha! People think ‘cause of my looks, my career, my musical taste and my hardcore wrestling thing, they assume I’m some sort of freak party goer and whatnot. No, I chat on MSN all night (and NO, I won’t add you…sorry), and I watch TV or wrestling tapes. I sometimes read. And I just recently started going out. Not too much, but a little bit. But that’s about it. I’m a dork. I hang out with my boyfriend…I go out once in a while. I’m in a going out mood…but it won’t last long. I also take road trips to see my friends wrestle, either in the States or here, around Montreal.

UD: Are there any famous Canadians on your subscriber list that you can out for us?

EB: Canadians? Yeah, well, I won’t say his name, but the mayor of a town was a member and kinda asked me out too. That was funny, and he was awesome too. But yeah, I have a lot of indie rock bands and pro skaters as members actually.

UD: Ever have any weirdo fans (Canadian or otherwise)?

EB: No, I’m lucky. I have never. Well, there is this guy that used to send me long letters. But they weren’t long ‘cause he’d write a lot—he’d just space all the letters and kinda say stuff like: “EllllllllllllllllsssssssssssAAAAAAAAAAAAA
LoooooooooooooooooooooooVVVVE U!!!!!!!!!!!!” Which was funny. And right now, this fan from Spain writes me incomprehensible jibberish that I find so cute, its crazy! I do get a lot of people that really kinda fall for me, just ’cause of the fact that I’m so honest about everything and the stuff I like is so precise that they tend to connect more easily.

UD: Let’s get serious for a second. You mentioned that Elsa is being put out to pasture. Wanna talk about your reason for this decision, and whats next for you?

EB: I dated this guy for a year and a half. I have always said that I would always put a stop to my porn career to take my chances on a relationship, ‘cause it is much more important to me. So I did. But slowly and surely, I did step back. Now it’s official--my site is going down. No one’s doing shit on it (cough cough). When we broke up, my past and my stripping work became a very big issue. Even though I did stop, I was still very much involved and kinda was doing the same things, except shooting. He told me that he hadn’t seen any change and that I was better than this and needed to showcase my real talents instead of wasting my time and stagnating into a world that I felt no connection to anymore. He was right. I needed the kick in the butt. Elsa’s dead…long live Valerie…wooooah! Kayfabe! (I have no idea what that means, but right on for Valerie all the same—UD)

UD: Okay, back to the stupid questions. Hypothetical: Thor asks you to become his next Squid Girl. Your response?

EB: Fo sho…am I going to be really gooey? (More than likely—UD)

UD: Anvil or Voivod?

EB: Let’s just say you can see pictures of the ex-bassist of Voivod and I going at it on my website.

UD: What’s the appeal of bare-chested skater boys (Elsa lists them as a favorite)?

EB: The chain wallet really…it has nothing to do with bare chest. I really almost never pay attention to the chest area, unless it’s a girl. But yeah, skater boys…old school style…I love it.

UD: What’s the most evil thing you’ve done to someone who deserved it?

EB: I am not a heel (wrestling lingo for “bad guy”). Like mega heel. But I do a lot of heelish things, like if a random girl really annoys me on the dance floor, I’ll elbow her in the guts or something, and blame it on the rhythm. I don’t know, I can’t recall doing anything mean…I played a lot of tricks on people.

UD: What has been the moment in your life when you stood back and said, “This is rock and roll?”

EB: Actually I toured Ozzfest with bands and hung out with Slipknot and all, it was all good…but I gotta say, hanging out with Samoa Joe and talking sex stories at a Montreal restaurant is my rock n roll moment. I liked it. (Samoa Joe is a wrestler and Ring of Honor champ--UD)

UD: Does someone speaking French to you have the same effect it had on Gomez Addams?

EB: No…I don’t like it much. French people are annoying at times. Well, people in general are annoying at times. Bah. Meh…

UD: Here’s two from fellow Canadian and pervert J.W. Warren. Jeff asks, “How did you celebrate Canada's World Cup hockey win?”

EB: I was at a pool bar, watching it on the big screen. I made a loud noise. Thought about how my b/f was gonna be happy. And then moved on. Good stuff, though. Legit.

UD: And Jeff’s second question: “What are your thoughts on the first-ever divorce in a gay marriage?”

EB: Bah…it’s not cause they’re gay--I need to have a different opinion about the divorce issues…marriage schmarriage. Seriously. Gay or not, everyone should be able to wed and un-wed at will. Fuck it, make ‘em drive-throughs, like in the Vegas…

UD: J.W., I hope that answered your questions. To wrap up--if you were dosed with a non-lethal burst of radiation, what would your super-power be?

EB: Have anyone I want have sex with me. Or…huh…be able to freeze time. I don’t know--I don’t think radiation can do much with that. That’s spidey-sense typa shiiit, yo.

UD: When was the last time someone shocked you (in a non-electrical sense)?

EB: Are we talking about The Shocker here? Hmm, I have never been “shocked”-- well, not true. I’m sure I have--hahahaha…I prefer the Houdini though. Not done on me, but on other bitches. (According to www.urbandictionary.com, The Houdini is defined as: 1. After doing a girl doggie style or anal, you pull out and spit on her back right before you're about to blow your load and when she turns around thinking you're done, you shoot your load in her face. 2. During doggie-style sex facing a window, the guy silently withdraws, and, unbeknownst to the chick, tags in a buddy who continues where he left off, while the first guy runs outside and waves at his woman from the front lawn, giving her the illusion that she's being slammed by an invisible man. 3. Similar to a Donkey Punch, except with flair.

4. Doin' a girl from behind, pulling out before you get a chance to come, spitting on her back (only to cause her to turn around), releasing your mangoo into her face and yelling, “Abracadbra bitch!” 5. You’re doing a girl doggy style and right before you spooge you spit on her back so she thinks you’re done and then when she looks back you blow your load in her face and then punch her in the eye. After that you steal her wallet and other valued possessions. Any one of these is just terrifying—UD)

UD: You get anyone you want to be in the Elsa Bangz band. Who do you pick, and who definitely doesn’t get in?

EB: Danny Carey--drums (Tool). Mike Enzigner--guitar (Incubus). Stewart Zender-bass (Jamiroquai)…and well, if I could be so damn lucky to have Maynard James Keenan on backing vocals--fucking bring it on….ohhhh. creamage material.

Bad people--don’t bring any Fred Dursts to the studio… P. Diddy, WTF… any guitarists without a shitload of different sound effect pedals and also bassists…you have to play with fingers, the pick is good, but only for certain effects. If not…stay home.

UD: When the Elsa Bangz biopic gets made, who’s gonna play you and what will the title be?

EB: Clap! Clap! Bitches! Come Here and Have Sex with Elsa Bangz! with the lead played by Scarlett Johansson…’cause she has a deep voice like me, and I also dreamed we were dating. But people would argue and say Liv Tyler too, ‘cause we have the same shape of face and over bite. (I can see some problems with fitting that title on marquees, but who doesn’t want to see THAT movie?—UD)

Last words--I would love to be booked in either a hemorrhoids commercial or one about herpes, or maybe tampons, or something of the like. It's a life-long goal of both me and my best friend, Debra Tsour. Hook me up.

UD: We’re on it, Elsa. Thanks a lot.
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