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" The Bad Bad Gang are the Cobras, a herd of fat-assed, hairy freaks on choppers that at first only seem to want to hassle married couple Eve and Able (luscious sex kitten Rene Bond and her terminal meathead boyfriend Ric Lutze), who are on a camping trip with Able's brother Kane and his girlfriend Jane. But as we soon discover, all the threatening gestures and assaults the gang carries out - which eventually escalate into kidnapping and rape - were really just their way of helping the two couples sort out the conflicts in their relationships. Jane is angry with Kane because he's more interested in fishing than sex, so gang leader Hambone dispatches his gooniest member, Skip, to abduct Eve, force-feed her cookies laced with LSD, and then fuck her acid-soaked brains out - all done out of love, of course. The rest of the gang bang the living shit out of a screaming, terror-stricken Eve while a pair of dyke hitchhikers tagging along with the gang force-fuck Able and Kane (after nearly chopping off his hand with a hatchet). Realizing that everyone would be happier if they all switched spouses and girlfriends, the Cobras ride off with a naked, comatose Jane strapped to the back of Skip's bike, leaving the sweet hitchhikers with the boys. Ungrateful fucks that they are, they pay back Hambone's generosity by smashing him in the head with a hatchet. As for Eve? Well, even the best laid plans go awry sometimes. Ugly as sin and crazy as a shithouse mouse, Bad Bad Gang is a retro rocket from the porno crypt sent to remind us that way back in the early '70s, bikers weren't murderous assholes and rape was a way of breaking down a woman's natural resistance to sex. The print looks like it was thrown off a bridge before it made it to the Something Weird offices, so the story a little hard to follow at times (especially at the end, which erupts into a St. Vitus dance of haphazardly spliced frames until collapsing in a muted "The End" card). But the all-outdoor sex is sweaty and hot and the women are all fine as strawberry wine (especially Suzanne Fields and Andy Bellamy as the Manson Girls-style hitchhikers), so there's plenty of things to keep your cock distracted. Oh, and waterbed fetishists (I know you're out there) will be happy to know that nearly every sex scene takes place on a rolling, churning water bed or inflatable cushion (the bikers even have a waterbed in a cave). Grr-oovy. _______________________________________________________________________ "The name of the game is pussy pumping!" Meanwhile, in Wet and Wild, a projectionist is taken hostage by a ski-masked hoodlum (no, not THE Ski Mask), who forces him to screen and provide commentary for his latest reels of smut. From there, we're taken on a scum-soaked tour through Times Square circa '75, with detours in the hooker dens and orgy palaces of the Great White Way's finer Howard Johnson motor lodges and high rise apartments. First stop is the Camelot (''better known as the Cum-a-lot'', groans the projectionist in his Brooklyn wheeze), where a refrigerator-sized hooker jams a wooden banana in her snatch before her john climbs aboard and hangs on for dear life. Next up is the Peek and Pay, where two fifteen-year-olds with - pretty good taste in underwear - finger each other like they're dialing long distance through each other's twats. There's a quick flash of Judy Angel, the hot-and-horny mom from the legendary Mona (1970) before we're given front-row seats to an orgy at Pete the Pimp's place. Pete, who sports some blinding multi-colored slacks, unleashes a gaggle of "young cunts" on his guests, which include a smooth-faced John Holmes. Out come the strap-ons and the double-headed dongs, followed by Johnny's Wonder Meat, which uncorks a slow-rolling soft serve load on one embarrassed-looking chick's chest. Jump back to the projectionist, hands in the air, bleeding profusely from several gunshot wounds in his stomach. He slides to the floor, revealing a one-sheet for Olga's House of Shame behind him! The presence of that poster is no chance accident - the projectionist is actually veteran sexploitation director and enthusiast Mike Findlay, who with wife Roberta and pals John and Lem Amero, turned out the "Flesh Trilogy" (The Kiss of Her Flesh, The Curse of Her Flesh, and The Taste of Her Flesh - all available from Something Weird and Image Entertainment on VHS and DVD), a trio of the most disturbing and sadistic softcore "roughies"to slither through the Sixties*. In each of the Flesh films, Mike also starred as Richard Jennings, a crazed and crippled kinkster who committed perverse acts of revenge on his adulterous wife and her lover. Now, here's the kicker: according to Bill Landis and Michelle Clifford in the Sleazoid Express book, Wet and Wild is actually an uncredited fourth entry in the Flesh trilogy. Mike's innocent projectionist is actually Richard Jennings (the SWV print has been trimmed of this information), who's been grinding out porn since his last kill spree. About to skip town, Jennings is stopped by the gunman, who's been sent to kill Jennings after he screens his dirty work. The Jennings angle is really just a wrap-around for a hodgepodge string of porn loops and Times Square footage, all shot by Mike and not particularly hot (though the 42nd Street footage does give a rare glimpse of the Deuce in action during its heyday). But for hardcore Findlay fans, it's an appropriately over-the-top coda for some of sexploitation's most ferocious features. |
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*The Findlays were also responsible for Snuff (which is briefly glimpsed on a Times Square marquee) and Shriek of the Mutilated; after Mike's death in the early '80s (he was decapitated in a freak helicopter accident), Roberta turned out a number of hardcore features as well as the urban hellscape grinder Tenement. |