In LA you get used to seeing a lot of fake tits. A lot of fake everything. The latest is ass implants courtesy of Jennifer Lopez. I say it's cheaper to just eat more doughnuts. "110% Natural" is supposed to be the cure for the tattooed, surgically simulated, Reseda tweakers common in mainstream Porn, featuring not 100%, but 110% "natural women from Budapest."

Reza says, "Natural girls! Like you can take home to mama."

I remind him that both our mothers are dead. He mutters something in Farsi.

The video opens with a still of an American flag and a few words about 9/11. I'm from New York and know a few cops and fireman there, so I'm pretty certain they'd appreciate the sentiment. Spraying bountiful quantities of semen onto the faces of teenaged Slavic girls is definitely a more fitting tribute to our fallen heroes, than say being serenaded by the likes of Melissa Etheridge, Elton John, and Mr. James Taylor.

The action consists of five Hungarian girls with marvelous chests, who are briefly interviewed and then screwed and sodomized robotically by the inevitable creepy guys. The interview process is simple, as the girls' command of English is limited. Questions are like, "So how old are you?" "Are those all real?" "No silicone?" "Let's see 'em." Then they 're asked to bounce around a little to prove the veracity of the claim. It's definitely the best part of the show. These girls have natural bodies, a minimum of tattoos and peircings, and the sort of hard working, salt of the earth figures that Eastern Europe is known for. Not just natural breasts but ample, shapely bottoms as well. Reza is turned off immediately.

"What the fuck? Look at that bitch's fat ass, she should go do some fucking Taebo."

I explain that these are not plastic surgery Hollywood types but European girls fed on beer and sausage. He perks up.

"Iranian sausage?"

Sure, I tell him.

As for the performances. The women are attractive and friendly in a UN peacekeeper whorehouse kind of way. They're pretty game for the action at the start, not realizing the thorough working over they are about to receive. I'm not sure how much Viagra floats around Hungary but from the looks on their faces after about twenty minutes of battering-ram styled sex from the American tag team they seemed a bit confused and ready for a Vodka and a lie-down. Bolstered by the enthusiastic yowling from their partners the girls soldier on, grins becoming plastered to their faces, and shortly afterward their hair.

I ask Reza what he thinks.

"This shit is Jihaaad, yo."

At a certain point the men in the clips make it a point to emphasize just how extensively a girl's anus can be stretched. Sorry, I just can't really see how this is much of a plus.

Reza says, "Dude I can fit my whole foot in there!"

I say "Dude, would you wanna put your foot in somebody's ass?"

"Yeah, my man," he says happily, "I'm like River Phoenix."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I say.

He calls me a faggot.