Gen Y sleazedealer Eon McKai may very well be the first director ever to merge lo-fi indie-slacker comedy with hardcore sex. Understandably, these two genres don’t seem all that compatible at first, especially since dudes who DON’T get any sex are much funnier than the snarky cocksmen that do, but I’m telling ya, this Eon can make you laugh and pop a boner, almost at the same time. And that’s pretty weird, man.

In the over the top pre-credit opening to Art School Sluts, he takes us on a loony-cartoony ride with two teenage lezzies (Keiko, Lilli Anne), who get so distracted with each other’s pussies that they forget to drive, causing them to crash and smash their car all to hell. Smoke, fire, twisted metal everywhere. Amazingly, our plucky heroines are fine, and once they emerge from the wreckage, they waste no time yanking down each other’s panties and lapping a little post-accident labia. Shades of “Crash”, you say? I concur, culture vulture. It’s also pretty stage-y and affected, like Stephen Sayadin’s Cabinet of Caligari remake, but let’s not go fuckin’ crazy.

Flash forward to the Too Cool Art School, where it’s show and tell day. First up is the lovely Teutonic ass-queen Katja Kassin, looking ridiculously cute in a pseudo-Bo Peep outfit. She’s messing around with a stuffed moose. A title card says: “Cricket Loves All Furry Animals and Longs to Free Them All from the Local VFW”. Apparently, her idea is to trade all the…well, whatever, it’s kinda stupid. I’m not sure how it figures into her art project, but the sweaty teacher eats her ass and fucks her in the classroom, while the other students take Polaroids and scribble notes.

I didn’t go to art school – do they really do shit like this? I would have totally faked artistic inclinations if I knew they were up to this nonsense.

Anyway, later on, Felix Vicious and Keiko robot dance with each other, for a really long time. It’s a little disturbing. I believe the Electric Six call this sort of spazzmanazz “Improper Dancing”. Luckily, they eventually stop, and fuck instead. They have way more rhythm when they fuck. There’s some website guy there too, so they fuck him, as well.

Did I mention that almost all the girls in the movie are wearing Underoos? Oh, and that Felix Vicious is actually a Junglist?

You know I don’t have any idea what a Junglist is, right? I think it ties in with the Karate chop dance moves.

Ok, so then…well, a lot of stuff happens. A punk dude has rope sex with semi-new wave chick Sin Serious, and then uses his own cum to hold up his Mohawk. Then there’s some emo kid helps Keiko fuck away the pain.

I coulda done without the emo sex. I mean, fuck emo, ya know?

It all ends in a rather standard porno sorta way, but no matter, because by then, the new ground has already been broken. Sure, there’s fucking and sucking and cum-swapping and ass eating and all that other strokeable jive here, but seriously, there just might be a little honest-to-Christ ‘art’ in this bitch, too. I think you might even be able to convince one of those Natalie Merchant chicks (or whatever the contemporary equivalent is – Cat Power?) into watching it with you. She’ll feel brave, and edge-y. And then you’ll probably get fuck her brains out.

Turns out art can be awesome, as long as there’s pussy involved.