People say that Raveonettes song “Love in a Trashcan” is about anal sex, but those two are Dutch, they don’t know about ass fucking. I mean, c’mon, you know? Sometimes we gotta go to work, and sometimes we have to go to the dentist, and sometimes there are more pressing matters to attend to. Not everything is about ass.

But every once in awhile, you stumble upon something that really is all about ass. Big ol' black ass, even. Big black WET ass, and nothin’ else. And that’s pretty cool. I have watched this particular DVD about a dozen times, and I can tell you, for certain, it will give you exactly what it claims in the title. Ok, so there is very little variation here – every scene plays out exactly the same way, except for the awesome one where curvy Lady Armani teams up with wispy Mya Mason for a head-spinning three-way heavy on gooey, dripping ATM action – but it’s still well-worth the ride, even if the scenery is all the same.

Basically, it’s a crazy German guy (or possibly Dutch, weirdly enough) with elbow-length yellow rubber gloves, pouring half a gallon of olive oil right into chunky black chick’s assholes. Then he roots around in there with his be-gloved fingers, and every once in a while he jams his oil-and-ass smeared fingers into said choco-letta’s mouth, and then he fucks ‘em. In the ass, naturally. And then he blows his oily, assy load in her face, and they all slip and slide to the shower, or rehab, or lock-up, wherever porno blacktresses go when they’re not getting sodomized with expensive Italian cooking oil.

But it’s not this fairly insane routine that makes Big Black Wet Asses 2 such a boner-fied hit, it’s the fancy-pants disco-fied assturbation at the top of each scene. I’m not one for MTV edits in porn, but it actually works here, as the camera zooms and pans ands cuts away while our fine, freaky ladies dig their fingers deep into their sphincters and spread those over-sized cheeks for all the world to see. It ain’t easy being like, 19 years old and having a 40” ass – that takes dedication. It takes, I dunno, a lot of Twinkies, probably, for that kinda wide load. So thank you, Sasha Rae, Chloe Black, Ayana Angel – thanks to all of Black Wet Asses’ lovely soul sistas (actually, no thanks to skinny little Mya Mason – I don’t think she’s trying hard enough), for your continued dedication to the uniquely American obsession for thick, fat rumps. You have rocked and rolled us soundly. I mean, five years ago, you couldn’t find a good black anal flick, cuz the Nubian knob-eaters on the scene just didn’t go for backdoor romance. Now, hell, they’ll even let freaky squirmin’ Germans in there, so let us revel in this mess now, before somebody comes to their senses.

Best big-wet-black-ass flick ever!