The wildlife on display in Anal Expedition #5 is definitely ferocious, but thankfully director/star/Baldwin Brother lookalike Manuel Ferrara is packing enough firepower to tame these savage creatures. However, it appears that having to vigorously subdue these maneaters time and time again has placed a terrible strain on Manuel – why else would he be hallucinating that dirty Latina maid Makay La Coxxx was wearing only a Day-Glo Spider-Girl outfit and a butt plug while she cleaned his kitchen countertops? Thankfully, Naudya Nyce and her juvie ward tattoos are there to help him clear his head with some sweaty rectal demolition (served with a light frosting of facegrabbing and slapping). But hey, who’s this coming down the stairs? Why, it’s Makay (or Makayla – I dunno, it doesn’t make sense any way you write it), and she’s horny! Yay! Manuel’s not crazy! Clearly as relived as we, he hammers both of them before glazing their gulping guppy faces with his multihyphenate spunk. Whew.

Next up is tiny-titted cholita Chiquita Lopez, who’s got her fingers up her ass before the camera even stars rolling. That kind of commitment to one’s craft obviously deserves a reward – which unfortunately for Chiquita, comes in the form of a skinny, middle-aged dude who looks like he should be teaching ninth grade algebra and not sitting nude on a pink couch and grinning like a chimp on bennies over his hard-on. Whatever – it’s a tough economy. Anyway, Chiquita doesn’t seem to mind that Pops gets down to backdoor business right away. Hell, she doesn’t even flinch when another dude (maybe Manuel – we don’t see his face) shows up to throw down a greasy DP and double mouth-pop. Eh. Chiquita’s cute but unremarkable, and the first dude she bangs makes Mike Horner look like Lou Ferrigno. Next.

Okay – blackalicious Marie Luv is sporting the green version of Makay’s Web-Slinging Outfit and fondling herself on a second floor landing, while below, big-n-busty Brit girl Michelle B. (in a chic black Spidey suit – Manuel must’ve gotten these wholesale) is getting rumpified by a Nacho Vidal lookalike. Marie wanders too close to the action, and just like on the nature specials, she gets pulled in and pounded unmercifully. Like Makay, Marie also showed up to work that morning with a plug in her ass, which Not Nacho extracts with his teeth and pops it into her mouth like a gleaming silver pacifier. Yummy.  Meanwhile, Michelle B., feeling not the least bit slighted after being shoved aside so rudely, wanders upstairs to find Manuel, his evil camera, and his uncut cock waiting in the shadows. Cue the tit-fucking, butt-slamming, mouth-probing, etc., all of which is excellent. Michelle’s got an average face but a body like a Bill Ward* giantess come to life, and the accent is a deal-clincher. If you haven’t popped off by this scene, consult your doctor immediately.

The final vignette finds our boy Manuel in a bit of a pickle – tied up, with a dog collar around his neck and a hankie shoved in his mouth, and looney tunes Gia Paloma walking in the front door with a Louisville Slugger in hand and cutiepie Asian freshmeat Jasmin in tow. Gia starts making noise about inserting that bat in Manuel’s ass, and this is bad, cause if you know anything about Gia Paloma, you know that she’s totally capable of doing so, and then maybe cracking the cameraman over the head a few times, stealing all the frozen meat in Manuel’s fridge, and setting the joint on fire for good measures. Thankfully, manimal John Strong shows up to save MF from certain doom, and the pair punish these naughty freaks with round after round of DPs and drool-slathered ATMs, culminating in a Mobius loop of snowballing that rolls on long after the final fade-out. Since everyone got their cookies by movie’s end, and no one ended up with that bat up their ass, I declare this Anal Expedition a success. Red Light’s DVD includes a behind-the-scenes bit which offers two extra off-the-cuff fuck scenes between Manuel and Jasmin, and later Manuel and Gia.