This is a mostly literal title. There’s a dozen of ‘em, they sure they fuck are masturbating…but are all these screwy bitches really NASTY? And we mean NASTY in a GOOD way, right?

But let’s back up. Traditionally, solo girl flicks are a snooze, because who cares if the girl gets off? That shit might work in the suburbs, Jack, but out here in the neon jungle, it’s all drop-the-cream-and-split-the-scene, dig? So, our man Steve Austin has, uh, rectified this situation by making the girls masturbate so forcefully that they look like they’re gonna break something off in there. And that’s fuckin’ cool.

So, let’s just roll with who’s nasty, then: Cytherea is NASTY. She looks like she’s twelve, but she talks real dirty, and after screwing a dildo into chewed up pussy for five minutes, she squirts all over the camera. Big mess. Blonde brat Harmony has an amazing round spoiled white girl ass, but she just can’t fake the funk. Tiffany Holiday looks like that chick that starred in the Josie and the Pussycats movie, but she does this awful skipping dance at the beginning of her scene, and it’s…it’s….Jesus. Next!

Hillary Scott – whatever, dude. Venus – Stunning, sly-eyed beauty. Treats her pussy and ass like silly putty. NASTY! Roxy Jezel – very cute teeny Latina. A little too cute for the job, tho. Same thing with tiny-titted Katie Gold. Nice efforts, tho. Brittany Skye – a bra-busting glamazon of enormous sexual power. NASTY as all goddamn mothersucking hell. Delilah Strong - too pretty for porn. I can’t take it, next. Lotus: Asian jailbait in pigtails and a thong. Several of you just blew your wads, didn’t you? Gen Padova – NASTY, but a little too friendly. Like having your buddy jerk off in front of you. If your buddy was a chick. In which case, you wouldn’t need porn. Bianca Pureheart – skinny, blonde, baby-face. Another one that’s a little too coquetteish for the job.

So, there you go. All masturbating, but only half-nasty. Still fun, tho. Best of all, the Million Dollar Man directed this. I was wondering what happened to that guy.