Tyce Bune doesn't necessarily look like a male porn star. He looks more like one of those tightly wound jocks that are likely to bust your nose for you if you give them the hairy eyeball in a bar. But despite (or perhaps because of) the crazy look in his eyes, Tyce knows how to make a goddamn fuck flick better than just about anybody. Evidence abounds in volume 12 of his series of over-amped, high intensity sex romps.

First of all, there aren't really any "Beach Bunnies" in this film. Well, I can't say for certain what the actresses do in their spare time, but Volume 12 takes place in a sunny suburban neighborhood, with no sand or surf in sight. There is a chick on roller skates though, which more than makes up for it. This polka dotted brunette beauty (Jade) rolls down a quiet suburban street before stopping to plop down on the grass, yank down her panties, and loudly masturbate in front of the two jerks washing her car. When they don't get her drift, she drags one of them inside, and sucks his dick. Jewels Jade has the first tanned clitoris I've ever seen. It looks like erotic beef jerky. She has giddy, multi-position sex with the car washer on a black leather couch. Then he tells her he has to pee, and splits, leaving her writhing and half-done. Luckily, his buddy shows up to help out.

"My ass? I'm going to get fucked in the ass?" I've never heard this question asked with a smile before, but Jade seems genuinely enthralled. The hose bros turn her upside down, and take turns drilling her sphincter. It's also tan, by the way, which leads me to believe that Jade sometimes suns herself while hanging like a bat. They soak her with semen from both ends, and she tells them to get back to work. Jewels Jade rules.

Then Marina Alexis, a Latina dressed up like a gangbanger-moll, crashes her car in front of Tyce's house. He lets her use his phone to call a tow truck. She thanks him by letting him fuck her in the ass. Sounds fair to me.

Then there's the cheerleaders, Claire and Jayne Young. They run some kind of lesbo cleaning service. Tyce lets them in, and they argue over who's going to polish the furniture, and who's going to mop the floor. To settle the argument, Tyce straps boxing gloves on them, and encourages them to fight it out. So they do. In cheerleader outfits. Tyce Bune is an evil genius. One of the girls accidently knocks Tyce out with a wayward punch. While they're sitting on the couch, waiting for him to wake up, they decide to make out.

Ah, poor Claire. I'm not so sure Claire was cut out for this kind of work. First of all, it doesn't look like she's ever even kissed a girl before, never mind eaten pussy. Still, she gives it her best shot, licking her cheerleader buddy's lap in exactly the same way as the owl when he wants to find out how many licks it takes to get before you bite into a tootsie roll. Having survived that ordeal, she now has to experience her first anal scene, as Tyce turns her upside down and starts drilling for oil. It's not a pretty sight, as the poor spinner bites her lips and openly weeps throughout. "Is this your first anal scene?" Tyce asks her, somewhere between concern and bemusement. "Ugh", she groans. "Bet it's going to your last for along time", Tyce quips. "Ugh", she answers. Claire's a trooper, though, and by the time the scene finally ends, she is happily swallowing Tyce's protein shake.

In the final scene Tyce has his way with Christina Night, who he introduces, as she bounces up and own on his lap in a hot tub, as his new Venezuelan maid. I wonder if he pays extra for that service. Christina is a dead ringer for a Latina Mira Sorvino, which looks as good as it sounds. After taking a quick, erotic bath together, Christina dresses up like a particularly slutty Spice Girl and lets Tyce fuck her in the ass at the top of his stairwell. Now, although I don't know from personal experience or anything, I always figured that having a penis slammed into your sphincter is the kind of thing that would command your full attention. However, Christina exhibits a strange look of detachment through the entire proceedings. She could be making a mental shopping list, from the look on her face, while Tyce splits her in two from the other end. Eventually, Tyce's buddy, a well-endowed black fella (Weed) , shows up to join in on the fun. Together, they teach Ms. Night to pay attention, greedily plundering her in every hole.

And then it's over. All the girls go home to nurse their sore asses, and Tyce relaxes in his porn-bought mansion, huffing a Cuban and counting his millions. They don't show this part, I'm just guessing that's what happens. Some of the reasons why Tyce's porn is so freakishly hot is obvious- the girls are great looking, without the fake, surgically enhanced look of a lot of adult video 'starlets', and the implausible set-ups zero in on traditional male sex fantasies. However, he's also got a few more tricks under his uh, belt. For one thing, the girls all keep their clothes on, except for the good parts, which makes the whole thing seem even more sleazy. He's also got an amazing eye for color, splashing the screen with dayglo reds and yellows and electric blues, casting a surreal, cartoonish glow over the video. Plus, I think he's got a magic penis, because even they edited it, it looks like he actually screwed the cheerleaders twice, without even resting his nuts or drinking some water, or anything. Impressive.

Oh yeah, there's some swinging surf tunes on the soundtrack, too. Mandatory (ahem) viewing. Collect 'em all.

See Sleazegrinder's Q&A with Tyce here.

- Sleazegrinder