Breakin' Em In is a tyrannical slice of hardcore porn, wherein young lovelies show up at Vince's warehouse looking to get into porn. Oh, they get into it, alright. Without a hint of storyline and just a smattering of small talk, Vince and his robot- dicked buddies slam and band the fledgling starlets, turn them over in search of yet another hole, and then screw them some more. In the end, they are quite literally broken in. With no condoms or mercy in sight, this is porn stripped of all pretensions, just raw, sweaty animal sex. Sex, and some seriously goofy talk from the teen runaways that wander in to Vince's den of iniquity.

Trixi, a dark haired, doll-face beauty from Eastern Europe, is spared the usual grilling, since she can't speak English. Even with the assistance of an off-screen translator, all she can manage to say is "Ya, I have good pussy." But by that time, her mouth is too full to talk anyway. By the way, this scene is shot in a surreal looking all-blue pool room, that looks like something Stanley Kubrick hallucinated. After being screwed form every possible angle, and after being splattered right in the face, Trixi stares at the camera with a big smile on her face, and gives a double thumbs up. Beats farming potatoes and drinking yourself to death, I reckon.

Nest up is Ashley Long, a rather sour-faced English girl. She lifts up her wife beater to show off tiny breasts. "This one's a bit deformed", she says, pointing to her left nipple. "It's got a hole in it." Sexy. Then Madison Day, a five foot tall Kelly Ripa lookalike with breasts the size of her head, joins the party. She spreads her legs for the camera. "So, that's what a 19 year old pussy looks like", the camera man says. "What do you like to put in there?"

"Anything", Madison answers.

Two henchmen show up and run the girls through a series of pneumatic flesh acrobatics, with Ashley taking on the backdoor duties. At scene's end, they both end up with mouthfuls of spunk. They are encouraged to swap it back and forth. They do. The camera closes up on Madison.

"Are you broken in?"

"Ya", she says, sounding exhausted.

"Was it good?"

"Ya."

"Are you sore?"

"Ya", she tells him.

"Ok. You can go now. Have a nice day."

Angel is our next contestant. She is a gum chewing, curly haired 18 year-old, who seems much too pretty for porn. Then again, I seem much to smart to be writing about it. Crazy fuckin' world. Anyway, Angel doesn't really say anything stupid, but she does take on an inhumanly large black penis that threatens to poke right through the back of her neck when she attempts swallowing it. "I Love sucking big black dick", she tells the camera. I predict some chipped teeth in her future.

Finally, there's Paris, a petite, bright-eyed, 18 year old blonde. Paris needs to be locked up somewhere.

"I love anal sex!" she gushes to the camera man.

"When's the first time you had it?"

"Twelve", she says, without blinking.

"Twelve?"

"Yeah, twelve."

"Did you know what was going on?"

"Well, I thought he put it in the wrong hole, but he seemed to know what he was doing."

"Was he twelve as well?"

"Oh, no", she says. "He was 27."

The camera man and I both gasp at the same time.

"So yeah", she continues, "95% of the time I'd rather have it in the ass."

A couple minutes later, three guys with meat hammers between their legs honor her request.

Like I said, brothers and sisters, Breakin' Em In is hardcore.

- Sleazegrinder