americanass

"American Ass". Is there any better ass on the planet? Well, ok, there's some decent Brazilian and Canadian dumpers out there too, but for the sake of the argument (and the review), no, there sure the hell ain't, Jack. Proof to follow. This 'un got nothing on it's mind except for what it says in the title, so let us skip the formalities and dive right in.

Tasty covergirl Jessica Darlin looks like high falutin' actress Portia de Rossi (if Portia was born in the basement of a glam metal club), and you won't find a NASTIER girl this side of the local crackhouse. She does not disappoint here, with a scene involving hardcore throatfucking (plenty o' gagging, spit, and sure, maybe a little vomit, too) and extended, relentless anal plunging, with a whole meal's worth of ass-to-mouth action, and a long, lingering gaper shot that would make a great poster, if you were a maniac or a shut-in. Great scene.

Britney Foster is so good looking, I think my eyes might fall right outta my head any second now. She's so fuckin' gorgeous that all the porn star add-ons - the phony tits, the pound and a half of make-up - actually detract from her natural beauty. But hey, I'm not a fashion consultant, I'm just a pervert. Brit sits on a big red buttplug and squashes it in as the camera looks up lovingly from under the glass table. Then she graciously sucks off boyfriend-slash-director, Pat Myne. I think Foster only does Pat- otherwise she sticks to girls- so how fuckin' lucky are we that this cat is around? "Fuck me in the ass while I shove my fingers up my cunt!" the vocal Britney demands. She gets her wish. The ass to pussy and back crescendo at the end can't be the most hygienic way to end a fuck scene, but viva variety, right? As if the name "Britney" didn't already provoke instant hard-ons. Goddamn.

The Euro superstud team of Ferrara and Holmes double-up on Anna Nova next, who looks kinda like Michelle Pfeiffer after a gang rape. These two are like mad scientists here, experimenting on Nova's ass with all manner of bizarrely shaped equipment. Dunno exactly what they were looking for, but they certainly seemed to locate Anna's g-spot somewhere along the way, cuz she moves like a snake on a skillet.

Elizabeth Delmar still manages to look like an innocent college girl after about a thousand on-screen pokings. With her big sparkling eyes and her babyfat and her generous, corn-fed ass, she looks like some chick you'd wanna take out for milkshakes, or something (yeah, I get the pun you just wrote in yr head, Jack. Very clever). Guess it's like Mudhoney once said- "Sweet young thing ain't sweet no more". Lizzy glug-glugs a big cock and spends a lotta time riding a fat buttplug before getting' a thorough lesson in backseat education. Ok, so it's a slightly guilty boner when it comes to this disgraced debutante, but what the hell. A hard on's a hard on.

Finally, we arrive at the resident crazy girl, Brook Balentine. She's got the eyes of methed-out mental patient, the mouth of an alligator, and an appetite for destruction. She utilizes all these assets here, and every other dirty trick she can find while she's at it. She gets double-teamed and throatfucked, and if there's nothing in her ass for more than ten seconds, she just shoves a few fingers in there. Amazing. Brook also happens to be the loudest porn star on the planet, so unless you wanna hear 20 or so minutes of screaming and caterwauling, be judicious with the volume slider when she's on screen.

American Ass is a rocker, daddy-o. Enthusiastic performances and sexy slutlets abound. The day-glow tights and the suddenly-everywhere multi-colored fishnet shirts that Myne's got all the chicks wearing are gonna make this one look like New Wave Hookers in about 6 months, but the 80's will probably be back by then anyway.

-Sleazegrinder

Available in the Bad Girl City Superstore