Maklaryn...what kind of a name is that? I mean, I understand the need to remain pseudonymous when you're trawling around on the edges of X video, but pick a fruit flavor or something, sister. Anyway, Mak's expansive mouthiness is matched only by her ample assets, as she tromps around the motel room looking like Meadow from the Sopranos after a steady, year-long diet of corn-liquor and ice cream, grousing about her current spate of unluck. "I can't believe this is what I've deserted to", she complains. Of course, the word she meant is (ITALICS) 'resorted', but you get the picture. After some half-hearted, sour-faced lingerie modeling, the Spank Man hands her a banana, and asks her to treat it right. She bites it in half.

I get it now. It's the banana that always makes him go berserk. She tosses the offending fruit at the wall. He grabs her by the ear and puts her over his lap. Maklaryn has a lot of ass to punish, so Mr. Red Hot has his work cut out for him. Whack! 'That's for the ugly heart tattoo- what, did GG Allin give that to you in jail?' Whack! 'And that's for eating to many fuckin' Twinkies!' Whack! 'And who do you think you are, stretching out my lingerie?' Ok, he doesn't actually say any of that, but I'm sure that's what he's thinking. At first, Mak takes her lumps with resolve, seething and protesting and threatening lawsuits, but after the first hundred or so lashes, she starts bawling like a baby.

"How old are you?" the assmaster asks her.

"22", she sniffles.

"Ok, count after me...1!" Whack. "2!" Whack. She should've just told the truth, might have saved herself some misery. Once her pale white rump is suitably glowing, spank-dude drops her on the floor and slaps a $20 on her quivering cheeks. When she gets up to leave, we see that she's got an even worse shamrock tattoo on her back. He gives her one last whack for that on the way out.

Ok, all the guys that Liz Tyler has dumped, all the girls whose boyfriends she's stolen, and every family member she's disappointed- gather 'round, because it's judgement day for Liz. First of all, let me just say that Liz a serious beauty, a blonde, doe-eyed, lips and hips sensation who looks stunning in the see-through white teddy she's modeling in this jaw-dropping segment. She's not quite so pretty, however, when she's screaming her head off, and snot is pouring out of her nose.

The scene starts as the first one did, with a mock-modeling session. "I'm here to introduce my new line of lingeries", she says to the camera. The word is already plural, Liz. Spank man keeps making her go back into the bathroom to change, and she grows more impatient with every twirl. Finally, she just lights a smoke and announces that she's done with this nonsense. She is not done with this nonsense, though. Not by a long shot. The butt nazi knocks the cigarette out of her hand, leaving it to smolder on the motel rug, as he puts Liz over his knee, and gets to work on her shapely ass. She holds out for a long time, keeping up her show of haughty displeasure. "You don't even deserve to (ITALICS-LOOK ONLY)look at me", she spits, as her hide gets slowly tanned. He's relentless though, and you get the feeling that there's an actual animosity at work, because this is some serious goddamn (ITALICS-SPANKING ONLY)spanking, baby. Innovative picture-in-picture technology allows you to watch the beating from two angles- the rapidly blistering cheeks get the full screen, the howling protests pouring out of her panicked mouth at the bottom. By the time this cat is through, Liz is on the floor in a fetal ball, whimpering like a puppy, her face covered in snot and drool. Intense. If ever there was cause for 'behind the scenes' footage, it'd certainly come in handy here. When the camera stopped rolling, did she just sit down in a bucket of ice, light up a red, and count her hard-earned dough? Or did she run out of there, screaming for the cops? Anyway, if you were looking for realism, well, here's your fucking realism.

Finally, there's Alex, a gum-chewing tough chick that practically screams "Jersey turnpike". She's got a tight, athletic body that fills out the orange knit dress she's given just about as well as anybody possibly could, given a fuckin' orange knit dress. Like the other girls, she's got a bratty attitude and nothing but contempt for the cameraman. Unlike the other girls, however, she's not going down with a whimper. Spank man tries his best, whacking her firm ass with his usual enthusiasm, but the chick will just not break. Finally, he just gives up, defeated. "Fuckin' asshole", Alex snarls, as she walks off to bathroom, counting her winnings. I dig this girl. I'm bringing her with me to my next fist fight.

Another ass battering winner from Red Hot. The open-palmed justice in this volume was administered with such wicked fervor by the off-screen spank monster that I almost felt bad for the wayward lingerie models, especially poor Liz. Almost.

- Sleazegrinder