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Anvil |
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To hell with tomorrow, let's live for
today |
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 Eventually,
these demos landed them a deal with Attic records, who released ‘em as “Hard
N’ Heavy”, Anvil’s debut album, in 1981. The were called Anvil
at this point, because disco fever outfit Lipps, Inc. (“Funkytown”),
were planning on suing them over the name, and back in 1978, nobody knew
how long disco was gonna last. So they came up with Anvil, which was
pretty bad ass, too. Unfortunately, “Hard N’ Heavy” was neither-
the songs were closer to lightweight homegrown melodic-metallers Moxy
then they were to the fire-belching, leather-clad sex monsters Anvil
were supposed to be. Still, every single song on the record was about
weird sex- “Bondage”, “I Want You Both”, “School Love”,
etc. – and their lead singer/axe-slinger DID play the vibrator, so
it wasn’t like a few duff tracks were gonna stop them. A year later, they
stormed out of the gates with “Metal on Metal”, which still, to
this very day right here, ROCK SO UTTERLY AND COMPLETELY, that it
really has no comparison. |
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| Nothing about Anvil ever even hinted at subtlety, so it should come as no surprise to you when I tell you that Metal on Metal, the opening track on Metal on Metal, features an actual hammer smacking an actual anvil. It’s also got one of the greatest opening riffs of any metal song ever – a grinding, sinister chainsaw of a thing that borrows Sabbath’s doom-y tone and the Sex Pistols sneering attitude. That riff is fuckin’ magic. And then here comes Lips, sounding just like he looks, like some kind of two-legged beast with a hard-on. “Metal on metal, it’s what I crave”, he barks. |
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“The louder the better, I’ll turn in my
grave!” Retarded, yes, but Lord, does he sound like he means it. “Keep on
Rockin!” he commands in the chorus. “Join the heavy metal fight!” I had no
idea there was an actual heavy metal WAR going on, but hell yeah, I
was gonna join. Lips had me convinced. At least it explained all the
bullet belts. The rest of the album follows in similar fashion- bludgeoning riffs, the bestial howl of Lips, lyrics hopelessly (and gloriously) mired in the meathead adolescent male fantasies of easy women and cheesy monster movies, and a surprisingly adept ear for big, dumb pop hooks. It’s this knack for catchy songwriting that keeps “Metal on Metal” sounding fresh, even after 20 years. Tracks like the blistering “Mothra” (which really IS about Godzilla’s arch enemy. However, whether Lips actually played with his vibrator instead of a pick on it, as is often reported, is one for the ages), the speedy headbanger bliss of “Heatsink”, and the hammering “666” are early indicators of the surging power metal the band would exhibit in their late 80’s- early 90’s incarnation. Then there’s the stellar, glammy power-pop (!) number, “Stop Me”, which is like some insanely catchy, and perhaps just plain insane, cross between Judas Priest and the Bay City Rollers. Swear to Christ it is. “Tease Me, Please Me” is another crunchy-gooey glam rock number, like Slade with a grudge. “Jackhammer” is pure 70’s style cock rock, played with the speed and agility of some hoarse-galloping UK metal band. “March of the Crabs” is Lips’ guitar-masturbation track, featuring several minutes of double-speed squiggles. That kind of thing was actually encouraged in the early 80’s. |
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The b-side boasts two of Anvil’s sleaziest,
and best songs, “Tag Team” and “Scenery”. Actually, they’re
pretty close to the same song, but it’s a great fuckin’ song, man.
“Tag Team” borrows from the slink of Alice Cooper’s “Is
It My Body” and adds about two-tons of sleaze metal menace to it. The
drums pound like, well, hammers on anvils, and Lips bellows like a bombing
stand-up comic who has no intention of leaving the room alive. The lyrics,
as you might’ve guessed, are about a sexual three-some, only Lips has
brilliantly woven his lurid tale in the metaphor of professional
wrestling. “On the ropes you're losing hope/In a hold we'll put you out cold/Got your back pinned down on the mat/Looks like we're the winners tonight”. Stuff like that. It’s idiotic and reckless and might even flirt with rape fantasies, but I swear, this how they used to write them back then. Toss a fluid, flawlessly played flash metal solo over the top, and you have one of the best cock rock songs of the 80’s. In fact, it’s only close competition is it’s follow-up, “Scenery”, which is probably the most pure distillation of the Anvil ethos on record. Scenery’s main riff is a deadringer for the Dead Boys (or Hanoi Rocks, in their ‘ripping off the Dead Boys’ mode), part dive-bombing 70’s punk, part proto-glam metal. |
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It’s shameless swagger rock, just a thing of
chest-thumping beauty, and the twin, Thin-Lizzy-esque guitar harmonics add a nice dimension of epic arena
rock to the mix. Lyrically, it’s a haughty rock star dismissal of an
earnest groupie.  “Made the party like I knew you would/Tried to impress me
like you thought you could/
It's all a game but I know the rules/Girls like you are backstage fools”
Lips sneers the lines like he means 'em, and then, delivers the chorus’s deadly blow: “Scenery, that's all you are to me /Scenery, that's all you'll ever be”. Yikes. Of course, it was probably wishful thinking on Lips’ part- it’s pretty safe to assume that hairy, scary Anvil weren’t the biggest girl-baiting band in Canada at the time, but it’s still a classic of mean-ass rock n’ roll, funny, heavy, catchy, and impossible to forget. Metal on Metal is by no means a perfect rock n roll album, but it comes pretty goddamn close in spots, and it’s best songs still hold up as micro-masterpieces of sleazy hard rock. _____________________________________________________________________________________ |
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 I
know I’m supposed to reveal the band’s Achilles Heel at this point, but
Anvil never broke up. They probably never will. After Metal on Metal,
they followed up a year later with 1983’s “Forged in Fire”, a
slower, heavier album that continues to be the black bible for Canadian
doom bands today (just ask
Goathorn). And in classic showbiz fashion, they wrote even
sleazier sex songs for “FIF”, including “Motormount” (“Dip my wrench into
your stench/And twist the nuts up tight”) and the immortal “Butter Bust
Jerky” (“If she can fill a "D" cup/It's good enough to keep me up”). Of
course, Attic always thought they had stadium fillers on their hands, and
when Anvil proved to be more of a rock-solid club band with a diehard cult
following, Attic dropped them. While other bands simply slathered on some
make-up and went ‘glam’, Anvil stuck to their guns. They went through some
lean years in the mid-late 80’s, but Metal Blade eventually snatched them
up in 1987, and they have been releasing albums again on a fairly regular
basis ever since, the latest in 2004 (“Back to Basics”,
Massacre records).
Grunge never even scratched ‘em, and they managed to hang around long
enough to find themselves back IN fashion.
Screaming Ferret Records, a
US-based hardcore label, is planning on re-releasing all of Anvil’s 80’s
albums on deluxe CD re-issues, and in Europe, die-hard Anvil-bangers treat
them like profane gods, and all the hot Euro-metal chicks line up to
lavish oral favors on ‘em, whenever they headline an outdoor classic-metal
fest over there. Which they do every summer. You would, too. So, where’s the Flash Metal Suicide? There isn’t one. Matter of fact, it’s just the opposite. If you don’t want your band to land in the cut-out bins, forgotten and disgraced by all but a few random freaks somewhere, then do like Anvil did – play guitar solos with a vibrator. And write songs about titty-fucking. Or better yet, maybe you could just not sell out, ever. That works, too. Further: Anvil fanpage Comment on this entry? Go to the message board! |
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-Sleazegrinder |
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I
remember seeing a picture in Kerrang!, in 1983, of this maniac,
Lips, playing his guitar with a vibrator. Now,I barely knew what a
vibrator was at the time, but I sure the fuck knew it wasn’t for playing
heavy metal solos. Lips looked like Marc Bolan crossed with a
werewolf, just a mess of curly hair, sweat, S&M leather, and the fuckin’
vibrator. The magazine said his band was called Anvil, which seemed
entirely appropriate, and that they were from Canada. That part seemed a
little weird, but ok, Canada. They also mentioned that Anvil had a new
record, and one of the songs (wink, wink) was called “Butter Bust Jerky”.
I had no idea what “Butter Bust Jerky” meant – still don’t, in fact - but
Kerrang! said it was dirty, so right on. Dirty and heavy is just perfect
when you’re 14 years old.