EZO – EZO (Geffen, 1987)
Current Gemm price: $4.39-$33.96
Price I paid: $1.99 at In Your Ear, Cambridge
Worth: 1,000,000 Yen
By: Sleazegrinder
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It’s kinda funny, when you think about it. Kiss were a buncha white guys in Kabuki make-up and stackheels, and everybody thought they were cool. But when Kiss themselves presented the world with a JAPANESE band in Kabuki make-up and stackheels, everybody thought they were ridiculous.

That’s not EZO’s fault, tho. EZO were supposed to be Samurai-metal freaks from the Electric Future, and that’s exactly what they were. The rest of the world just wasn’t ready for ‘em. It still isn’t, and it won’t be, until Japan wins the Great Culture War. And if schoolgirl panties vending machines and those videos where the chicks puke shrimp into each other’s mouths are any indication, that ain’t gonna happen anytime soon. So EZO will remain superfreaked spacemen from another dimension, now and forever.

It wasn’t always like this, tho. No, back in 1984, in Sapparo, Japan, EZO were called Flatbacker (GI Joe slang for prostitute, by the way), and although they were still a metal band- were actually a splinter-cell of Brit-metal wannabe’s Killer, in fact- they were the kinda metal band that had really cool hair, ya know? Sure, they wanted to sound like Loudness, ‘cuz every Japmetal band wanted to sound like Loudness, but they wanted to dress like Johnny Thunders, too. Johnny Thunders from the future, even. So, they played Cyberflash metal, and released two albums worth o’ the stuff back home. I don’t remember ever hearing them at the time, but both records were in English, so they musta been trying to muscle their way onto Western soil, or at least into Western metal-ears, even back then. And while that did not work in the case of little ‘ol me, Buzzkill-Supremo Gene Simmons heard ‘em, alright. And, as you and me and Ronny Keel and Wendy O-in-Heaven already know, Gene Simmons = instant Flash Metal Suicide.

I don’t know how the dirty deals went down, but the next thing ya know, it was 1987, and Flatbacker found themselves lounging poolside in LA, with a new name, EZO (means “man” in Japanese), a new record label, (Geffen), a new producer (the diamond demon, natch), and a bitchin’ video fulla explosions and hair for a song called “Flashback Heart Attack”, which pretty much SOUNDED like explosions and hair. I remember seeing it for the first time on the Headbanger’s Ball ( I know, where else would I see it, but I’m aiming for accuracy, baby), and just being knocked halfway off the couch. People like to say- mostly cuz they’re lazy, I think- that EZO simply sounded like a Kiss rip-off. Now, they most assuredly WERE a Kiss rip-off – Mr. Simmons imported them for just that reason, I’m sure- but that’s only the way they LOOKED. Kiss started out playing 50’s prom dance rock n’ roll, after all, and by the mid-80’s, they were playing puffball FM rock (I know, ya hate me for saying so, but it’s TRUE). Kiss NEVER played metal- ‘cept for “God of Thunder”, maybe, and only when White Zombie were tearing it to pieces- but EZO did. EZO played the LOUDEST flash metal you ever heard in yr fuckin’ life. Every goddamn song was, like, one gigantic riff that they hammered into your brain like Tetsuo the Iron Man, until you just couldn’t help but to just submit to their crazy Japanese warpainted headbanger madness. EZO’s version of rock and roll was so overblown that it was hardly recognizable as anything but million dollar noise, and more then just batter your eardrums, it hit you, visually, like bright flashes of blinding pink light. EZO were the world’s first 3-D metal band, man.

“Flashback Heart Attack”, as the title would imply, left America’s youth dazed and confused, so EZO decided to finish off the job by releasing a whole ALBUM’s worth of the stuff, the cleverly titled “EZO”. If you’ve only ever heard “Flashback”, then you’ve pretty much already heard “EZO”, but much like a 100 MPH blowjob, everybody oughta experience the whole thing once. I guarantee that you’ve never heard production like this before- Gene Simmons musta lost his fuckin’ mind, because there is nothing remotely ORGANIC about anything on this record. Hiro’s drums sound like satellites crashing into the ocean, Shoyo’s guitar sounds like volcanoes erupting, Masaki’s vocals sound like an electrocuted werewolf, and it’s all so goddamn loud that you simply cannot listen to it at a reasonable volume, because it WON’T LET YOU. The highlight of the record has gotta be the “Mr. Midnight”, which has about 80 tracks' worth of creepy crawling guitars, or maybe “Here It Comes”, which has these pounding tribal drums that swirl around yer head until you start to think that maybe you’re gonna have a flashback heart attack, or something. It’s all pretty fuckin’ great, tho, a supersonic gangbang of phonetically howled gibberish and sci-fi disco metal that could only have come from the 80’s, and will only truly make sense in 2087.

Despite dressing like tranny hookers from Blade Runner and sounding like heavy metal computers programmed to turn the brains of teenage America into mush (I was there, man, it wasn’t gonna take much), EZO managed to have a pretty decent run, touring with Guns N’ Roses in ’87 and following up “EZO” with an equally overwrought album, “Fire Fire” (Geffen) in 1989. But you know, nobody ever really GOT what EZO were up to, and when they did finally wipe off the make-up and tried giving it a go as a stripped-down metal band, it was 1990, and it was Nirvana, it was Alternative Nation, blah blah fuckin’ blah. So, EZO imploded before it got too embarrassing.

Um, I don’t remember drummer Hiro bein’ a girl, but he was apparently a member of Cycle Sluts From Hell a year later. He and singer Masaki both eventually joined Loudness for a cuppla late 90’s albums, which, after all, was what they really wanted to do in the first place. Most recently, Hiro has toured with Japmetal band Anthem, and in 2002, he and Masaki and reunited once again in a new band, Snake Bites.

And Gene Simmons? Why, he’s selling coffins. All those Flash Metal Suicides really start piling up after awhile.

Further:
Hiro Homma’s official website (English, sorta)
Anthem website (Japanese)

-Sleazegrinder

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