Hellion- The Mini LP (Music For Nations, 1983; New Renaissance, 1986)
Current Gemm price: $2.68- $75.70
Price I paid: $7.99 at the Armageddon Shop, Providence, RI
Worth: At least that.
By: Sleazegrinder
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"Let's explode together, rock insanity!"

There is so much nonsense surrounding this band that I might as well include it ALL, man, ‘cuz at least some of it has to be true. One thing I know to be a fact is that Hellion are really the unsung heroes of early flash metal. The ever-evolving cast of characters that did time in lead screamer Ann Boleyn’s rock n’ roll asylum eventually filled out the rosters of half the flash metal bands in Hollywood, and their distinctive mix of sleaze and power would influence many a metal band throughout the 80’s. Ann’s tough, biker-bitch, take-no-lip attitude undoubtedly inspired many a female rocker, as well. Plus, she was hot. Plus, she could SING. Plus, her band had great songs. So, why weren’t they famous?

Cuz they were fuckin’ CURSED, that’s why.

Here’s what happened. See, it was 1980 or so, and there was this chick, Ann Boleyn. Life was a little weird for Annie so far- she narrowly avoided the affections of Ted Bundy (maybe), her grandpa was a personal friend of Alistair Crowley’s, and she was prone to witchy-womanhood herself. But at the time, she was just a solo blooze singer tryin’ to make a buck in Tujunga, California.

No, wait, first there was Ann Boleyn, Queen of England, who had 6 fingers on one hand, and who was found guilty of adultery and executed by sword on my birthday, May 19th, 1536. Immediately after her death, her ghost began to haunt the Tower of London, eventually driving poor King Henry- who was, after all, the fucker who framed her- quite mad. She still haunts the tower. Go there and see for yrself, if ya want.

Several centuries later, Queen Ann, the “Queen of Hell”, as she became known after wandering around with her head under her arm for a cuppla hundred years, was reincarnated as a blooze singer in Tujunga. Said blooze singer was probably someone else entirely before that fateful day, but it hardly matters now. Anyway, when the blooze failed to pay the bills (and queens have a lotta bills), Ann decided to become a rock star. Which meant she needed a band. Word on the street has it that she auditioned for the Runaways after Joan split, but that obviously didn’t happen, so she scanned the classifieds, searching for a band in need of a singer.

Some reports have the band gigging around town as Beowulf - there most definitely was an LA Beowulf around that time, so that’s probably the case. Others say the band was originally called the Alice Cooper-inspired but rather stupid “Ded Babies”. At any rate, this band o’ rockers teamed up with Queen Ann, and called themselves Hellion. And it was good. For about 5 minutes.

Hellion practiced in a haunted house in their hometown o’ Tujunga. It was called “The Annie-Ville Horror House”. That’s trouble right there. Ann also made all her bandmates take a sacred oath of loyalty to her, which so freaked out her original bass player (Bill Sweet) that he quit the band and joined the priesthood. And so on. Despite a perpetually freaked-out band, Ann got Hellion’ s music released on a variety of early LA metal comps, including a so-rare-it-might-not-even-exist split 7” with Bitch on punk label Mystic. They also threw a lotta parties at the horror house. Bands playing, cops showin’ up, all that. And they were not adverse to cunning stunts- one newspaper clip collaged onto the back cover of their self-titled mini EP concerns a 1983 gig at the Troubadour club in LA (headlining over Social Distortion!), where they made a grand entrance- by rolling down the avenue in a tank. This is a band that was fuckin’ BROKE, remember. That, baby, is showmanship.

Through varying amounts of voodoo, talent, self-promotion, and sheer luck, Hellion eventually landed their first record deal with UK metal label Music For Nations, which resulted in their 1983 self-titled, 6 song mini-LP, which remains their defining moment as a band. Heavy metal radio was thriving in Boston in the early 80’s, and every single track on this ‘un got airplay thru ’83. Every one. And for good reason.

There is something undeniably sleazy about Ann Boleyn’s voice. Along with New York Loose’s Brigitte West, she was one of the very few female cock rock singers that actually made you forget that she was a woman at all. I mean, I suppose it was kinda hard to forget completely-she was foxy, after all- but she belted these songs out like a black leather warrior with knives for teeth. To paraphrase AC/DC, the bitch had balls. Musically, Hellion channeled exactly the same influences as Motley Crue- Mott the Hoople, Alice Cooper, and Judas Priest, mostly- and their slightly punky flash metal had the same kinda vibe, part cheese, part sleaze. Unlike Vince and his tinny yelps, however, Ann could actually sing, and she bore a strong resemblance, vocally, to Heart’s Ann Wilson. Or maybe Nancy. You know, the raspy, ballsy one. Sure, Hellion did have a tendency towards 70’s FM rock flourishes, which isn’t all that surprising, really, since it was only a few years after the arena rock era, but the James Gang backing vocals on some o’ the choruses (“Watch out for the backstabber!”) and the jazzy little bass fills that punctuate the verses often threaten to derail the cock rockin’ power of the songs. Luckily, Ann’s impressive bellows always snap ‘em back into ass-kicking mode. “Hellion” still sounds like it did back in ’83- bad ass. Which is what you’d expect from a witch and her rock slaves, right?

Opener “Backstabber” and closer “Don’t Take No for an Answer” both became minor hits in the UK, and the band gigged England, where Ronnie James Dio happened to catch ‘em. He was so impressed with Boleyn’s, uh, lungs, that he offered to produce their next record. Well, alright. Ronnie J DID produce a few Hellion demo tracks, but the CURSE started kicking in something fierce- the band was poised to tour Europe with Hanoi Rocks in ’84, and then Vince killed Razzle, and the tour, dead. Soon after, Hellion, Mach 1, called it quits, and Ann founded her own record label, New Renaissance (still in operation, sorta) which eventually released many seminal albums by bands like Genocide, Medieval, Samhain, Artillery, (Boston’s own) Executioner, At War, and Whiplash, and lotsa un-seminal records by Anvil Bitch, Battle Bratt, Oliver Magnum, Gutrix, King Kobra, Steel Fury, etc.

Meanwhile, the various members of Hellion went on to join established flash metal bands like Waysted and Ozzy, or they formed their own bands (Burn)- and they all either got sacked, or their bands broke up. The CURSE! So, in ’87, when Boleyn decided to get the band back together for another mini- album, “Postcards from the Asylum” (1988, Music For Nations), and a European tour. Then she fired them all, and started over with a new band (guess she didn’t take her own loyalty oath!) and recorded another album, “Screams in the Night” (also ’88, MFN). And then THAT versh of Hellion fell apart, and Ann began work on a novel (with accompanying concept CD) called “Black Book”. Both were released in ’90, on Restless Records.

Then it all gets kinda hazy for a few years. Rumors abounded in the early 90’s that Ann suffered some kind of physical attack on the streets of LA somewhere around ’91 and suffered such emotional damage that she quit the music biz for years as a result. Not true. And in ’98, one of Hellion many guitarists, Tim Kelly, then with Slaughter, was killed in a car wreck (the CURSE!), and Ann was rumored to have been in the car. Not true, either. More n’ likely, it just wasn’t any of our fuckin’ business what Mizz Boleyn was doing in the 90’s, ya know? At any rate, Hellion reissues began appearing in 1998 on a revamped New Renaissance, followed quickly by a live record (“Live and Well in Hell”, 1999), and an EP of new tracks (“Witching Hour”, 1999).

At last report, Hellion released a 2002 album in Russia (where they toured early in their career- the first US band to tour post-Soviet Russia, matter o’ fact) and recently toured Japan. Ann Boleyn has also enjoyed a second career as a marathon runner. Ah, but what of the CURSE? Well, it ain’t over yet, Jack.

Oh, and where, exactly, do we peg Hellion as a Flash Metal Suicide? Jesus, pick just about anywhere. Somewhere between Ted Bundy and the haunted house, probably.

Further:
New Renaissance Records
Hellion, official (bad!)
Hellion, unofficial (worse!)
Talon Music, website for original Hellion guitarist Ray Schenck
Ann Boleyn’s running page

-Sleazegrinder, King of Hell

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