Noize Toys - Falling in Lust...Again (Doctor Dream, 1988)
Current Gemm price: $4.39- $80.50 (!)
Price I paid: $3.99 at Second Coming Records, Cambridge
Worth: I broke even.
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What was it with 80’s metal bands and their obsession with misspellings? Why did they insist on using Z’s, when no Z’s were necessary? Why, Znowhite? Why, Tigertailz? Why oh why, Teeze? I mean, what was their fuckin’ problem? And pleaze, enough with the Slade. Slade influenced Quiet Riot and maybe the Bay City Rollers, and that’s it. I guess they all just thought it was kool. Hell, they thought wearing handcuffs for belts was cool, too, so anything’s pozzible. Possible, I mean. Whatever the reason for all the loosey-goosey spelling, the Noize Toys were obviously down with that plan, and since this record didn’t come out until the bitter end of the glam metal era, they had plenty of time to rip off every other gimmick from the heyday of the blood and glitter wars, as well. So, they snapped up Mick Mars’ bludgeoning “Shout at the Devil”-era riffola, the sunny “Happyglam” harmonies of that other infamous gang of Z abuzers, Enuff Z’Nuff, and the surf-magician threads from, I dunno, Poison’s hairdressers, maybe. A Californian band through and through, the Noize Toys look, sound, and smell like they never endured a cold, dark night in their lives on this, their sole contribution to rock n’ roll. “Falling in Lust…Again” is a breezy, melodic tribute-to-their-dicks that couldn’t possibly offend anybody, ‘cept maybe for folks that are offended by inoffensive glam bands. I am hard-pressed to offer any highlights- or lowlights, for that matter -cuz it all kinda runs together. I guess their signature song was “Neighborhood Nightmare”, since a couple of the cats are wearing t-shirts announcing such on the cover, but the most remarkable thing about it is it’s complete and utter lack of sleaze, despite being about fucking underage girls (“Hide me from you mother”, GG Spott (!) screeches, immediately after singing “Neighborhood Nightmare- we got nothin’ to hide!” So which one is it, GG?). Otherwise, it’s standard puffball party rock, and since glam was reinvented a year later as dangerous, punk-fried drunk n’ roll by bands like Motorcycle Boy and the Coma-Tones, slap-happy Revlon abusers like the Noize Toys became strictly squares-ville before this ‘un even had time to gather dust on the shelves.

“Falling In Lust” was the Noize Toys sole album, so I can only assume they went their separate ways soon after. The only member that stayed in the public eye was guitarist Doug Stratton, who went on to play the grinning sideman for shameless egoist Steve Napoleon in the short-lived, vainglorious pomp-pop metal catastrophe “I, Napoleon”, who released one self-titled album on Geffen in 1991 before imploding. And then he disappeared, too. You know, there’s gotta be some island out in the Caribbean that all these guys ship off to after their bands fall apart, where aging rock video girls creak and crack their way through arthritic volleyball games in one-piece bathing suits while their balding ex-rock star boyfriends sit on the porch, sipping warm Shnapps and practicing their riffs with wrinkly fingers. Perhaps that’s where GG Spott tapped out his sorta-recent (May, 2003) message to the Noize Toys faithful (who knew?) on the wimp-metal supersite, Heavy Harmonies:

“…gotta say it's fukin' great to hear you hard rockin’ freakz like the record! i would've liked to make a follow-up but you know how that shit goes... but ah yes, those were the days...sex, drugs, rock and roll never had it so good as it was back then!!!”

Obviously, GG’s still got a problem with his Z’s.

Endnotes:
Hear the Noize Toys on Sleaze Roxx!
Hell, email GG Spott, if ya want, too. Tell him he “fukin’ roolz” or something. I’m sure he’d be thrilled.


-Sleazegrinder
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