Real Crack Hoes: The Truth on the Streets (DVD)
Digital Devil
________________________________________________________________________________________________

“That bitch just gave me some bomb-ass head, yo!”

Theoretically “Real Crack Hoes” is a porn flick, but, ya know, theoretically, Jeffrey Dahmer was just a lonely boy, too. There is some negligible fuck n’ suck going on in the shadows here, but mostly it’s pure prurience, a seedy death-trip thru Miami’s drug-sucker underworld.

So, you got these two cats, and one of ‘em’s got a vid camera, and they’ve both got pockets fulla dough (although it doesn’t take much, really), and they troll the docks and the alleyways on hot, steamy Miami nights, lookin’ for, well, crack hoes. From the amount of willing subjects in this, their first of probably 666 installments, the Miami Crack Whore Contingence is legion. So, they fellas talk the girls up a little, offer them some long green, and then enjoy the benefits of hardcore Capitalism. Invariably, the girls smoke-up before gettin’ down, and while their doin’ it, they yap about stuff- mostly crack (addicts are pretty single-minded people), and occasionally about their pimps, or the kids they left behind somewhere, or some similar hard-luck gunk. And then, finally, they get around to fuckin’ the on-the-fly producers.

For pure porn-kicks, you’d really have to be a fan o’ the voyeur stuff, cuz most of the sex scenes take place in the dark, with a shaky camera, and a chick that’s either falling asleep at the wheel or so wired up she vibrates. It is pretty interesting to see that half of ‘em don’t bother with condoms- and neither do our intrepid reporters- which must mean none of ‘em have plans for living forever. Anyway, although the Crack Hoes producers are probably banking otherwise, I’d say there are plenty of other places to see outdoor sex done much better- but not a whole lotta places to see wildly self-destructive women fall to pieces right in front of yr eyes.

There’s the mile-a-minute “Crazy Hoe”, a dead-ringer for an anorexic Sharon Mitchell, who’s got this manic twitch and darting eyes, who periodically whips around to look behind her, so that no demons- imaginary or otherwise- can sneak up on her while she’s sucking dick for crack money. In “Crack Ho Interview”, a once-pretty Latina, now ragged and crazy-eyed, smokes rock and rants about the vagaries of street prostitution and the cost of full-time crack whore-ism: “On average, I smoke about $600 a day”, she tells the cameraman. And, you know, just look at her. That’s the thing about crack addiction, man. Where exactly are you gonna go with that? $800 a day? And where are you gonna get that money when you look like a jaundiced bag of gray bones? Ah, but the smoke is so narcotic, she doesn’t even see the corner she’s painted herself in. Just as the “Skinny Ho”, who weighs about 90 pounds and is scarily sunken-in everywhere except for her implants, doesn’t see her own deterioration, or the sheer lunacy of telling the street john that she ‘doesn’t bother with condoms”.

There not all that wrecked, of course, and a cuppla the ‘hoes’, including a big breasted, un-named Latina, and a frizzy haired little thing that calls herself “Strawberry” are even kinda cute, in a demented way, but their insistence on sucking a crackpipe DURING sex kinda ruins any erotic potential, ya know? Ah, but that’s not really the point anyway. The real point with this ‘un, and with “Bumfights”, and “Boston Beat Downs”, and any of the current wave of criminal-minded ‘underworld’ reality videos is that people are STILL FUCKED UP out there, despite having cell phones and livable wages and relative prosperity. There are still shadowy realms of vice and exploitation and outright suicidal idiocy happening all around us, and really, what’s the crime in holding up a video camera and catching it on tape? Actually, there's probably 13 crimes in that, but that's not really my problem.

Personally, I’ve never traded drug money for sex, but I’ve lived in neighborhoods where cavorting with crackwhores on payday was, like, the thing to do, and sure, it’s kinda evil and all, but it’s a banal evil. It’s just supply and demand, just like everything else. That’s not gonna stop outraged, ‘concerned citizen’ types from trying to shut the “Crack Hoes” empire down, of course- I mean, the legalities of it all are slippery at best- but whether these cats keep filming this stuff or not, it will still go on. Always and forever. So, I guess whether “Crack Hoes” is for you all depends on yr threshold for humiliation and human suffering. Or maybe if you just like really skinny girls. Hell, maybe crackpipes give ya a boner, who knows? At any rate, it's pretty fuckin' compelling stuff. Kinda like cops. Only with blowjobs.

“Real Crack Hoes” – The Truth on the Streets, Vol. 2” is in the works. I didn’t invent sleaze, man. I just report on it.

-Sleazegrinder
____________________________________________________________________________________________________