THE BEAT : POETRY CLASS MEANS NEVER HAVING TO MAKE SENSE
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The Beat, AKA The Conjurer, AKA Voorhas  (1988)
Starring John Savage, David Jacobson, William McNamara
Out of Print; available on VHS at Amazon for $1.94!
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"They were victims of the streets, until they caught…The Beat".

Victims of horrible script writing is more like it, but I confess I enjoyed this '80's shlock fest for all it was worth. Mostly I watched this because rumor had it that the Cro-Mags put in an amazing cameo. Which they did, but let me give you the background first.
"The Beat" is an unappetizing mixture of the absolute worst aspects of "The Warriors", "K-Pax" and "Dead Poets Society". And it feels like it was shot in a day on approximately a twentieth of the budget of any of those movies. Nonetheless, my perverse enjoyment of this type of material compelled me to purchase it for five bucks on ebay. How can you turn down a movie whose biggest name star is John Savage?

The movie concerns a bunch of dead end street kids who spend most of their time doing what any self-respecting teen of the late Reagan administration would do, i.e.: lots of drugs, fighting, and wandering around aimlessly, swearing at each other. I don't know why the director and script writer felt that any of this was wrong and that the kids needed to change, but I suppose it wouldn't have been much of a movie if they shared my sentiments.

So, the force that blows into the little lambs' lives happens to be the "retarded" and "weird" new kid on said dead end street, Rex Ormine. (Played with creepy intensity by David Jacobson, who never went on to star in anything else). Rex catches everyone's attention by spouting off strange ideas about how they are all mutants in a dying world, as well as a lot of really crappy poetry that sounds a bit like a fourth grader imitating Jim Morrison. Of course Rex catches the ear of the one sympathetic teacher, Mr. Frank Ellsworth. You can probably guess the rest: after a tough adjustment period, Rex wins over all the local thugs and before long has them expounding like a lot of street savvy Rod McKuens. Of course, Rex also manages to arouse the ire of the typically misguided guidance counselor and the rest of the powers that be. I won't tell you the rest, as I might spoil the plot. Not that there's all that much to spoil for Christ's sake, to quote Holden Caulfield.

The pivotal scene for me, naturally, is when all the kids go see the "Iron Skulls". Why they didn't just bill the Cro-Mags under their real name is beyond me, especially because at one point in the gig everyone on stage belts out the war cry of CRO-MAAAG during the signature tune "Hard Times". No matter. This scene is great. It happens to be the band in their circa 1987 prime (the movie came out in 1988). They look and sound phenomenal. It's the line up that recorded the "Age Of Quarrel" album minus drummer Mackie Jayson. (Pete Hines of Murphy's Law manned the skins during this period). Not only do the band sound totally on, they also happen to play two of the best songs of that era; the aforementioned "Hard Times" and "It's the Limit". Fans of the band should take note that you will never, ever see guitarist Doug Holland look as healthy as he does here again. Apparently you can also spot members of Krackdown and Youth Of Today in the scene as well. I can't vouch for it though.

"The Beat" sports all the characters that this teen genre is known for. The understanding teacher (incidentally, my ass would have been canned if I had said anything remotely like what Savage does to his charges), the tough yet tender waif girl, the shrill harridan of a female teacher, the embittered Principal ("I had dreams once too, Frank") etc. etc. etc. And of course all the street kids really have hearts of gold underneath the crusty exteriors. When is someone going to make a movie that portrays a juvenile delinquent as an unrepentant asshole and not a budding, misunderstood artiste or social commentator? Rex of course, is supposed to be the lovable rebel, but frankly after about ten minutes of his poetry, I wanted to give the little face artist a beating myself.

I will give the directors credit for getting some of the material right though. All the right period touches were there; the Eisenhower jackets, half-shirts and feathered hair was all in effect. The setting really looked like the NYC of the 1980's as well. And for the most part the kids did act pretty much like kids. (When they weren't bawling out bad poetry of course). If any of this sounds appealing, go out and find this movie. It's also a must for Cro-Mags fans. Others might want to steer clear unless….LAKI LAKI SAMI, THE METAL WORM MOVES ME TO KISS THE PRIESTESS PRINCESS AND CELEBRATE MUTANT LIFE, NOT MUTANT DEATH! THE CITY IS ON FIRE WITH MY BURNING LIZARD DESIRES!
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