It’s one of the world’s oldest and dirtiest jokes, a vile, obscene, improvisational insider goodie that’s bandied about backstage, behind closed doors, amongst working professionals. No one really knows how it’s supposed to go, except that the person telling it is supposed to obliterate the line of human decency by all means necessary before delivering the punch line. It goes something like this:

A family of four walks into a talent agent’s office.

“We’ve got a great act for you,” says the father. “We really think people will love it.”

“Excellent,” says the agent, “let’s see what you got. I’m looking to book someone today!”

“Great,” says the father. “Sit back and enjoy.”

The son, who is eight, steps forward, a metal bucket under his arm. He begins to tap on the bucket like a drum. The 12-year-old daughter starts dancing around her brother. After a few moments of toe-tapping on the side, the mother steps forward and wraps a tire chain around her son’s throat, squeezing until he passes out. While she’s doing this, the father starts pissing all over his daughter while she dances. The mother then takes the bucket, squats over it, and fills it to the brim with shit. The father, in the meantime, zips up, grabs his daughter by hair and shoves her face into the bucket of her mother’s shit. Now the daughter, soaked in piss and blinded by shit, starts stumbling around the room, her mother and father tearing her clothes off with hooks attached to poles. Then the mother and father turn the hooks on their unconscious son and tear his clothes off, and then finally turn the hooks on themselves. So the whole family is naked and the father takes his shit and piss covered daughter, bends her over the agent’s desk, and rams his fist up her ass. She starts bleeding everywhere. The mother takes the bucket of shit and holds it under her daughter’s ass, collecting all the blood that’s running out. She then takes the bucket full of shit and blood and throws it in the son’s face. The son is jolted awake. Now there is shit and blood everywhere. The mother then grabs a razor and slices a cross into the son’s chest. The father takes is fist out of his daughter’s ass and she stumbles over and squats on top of her brother and pisses all over his carved chest. He starts screaming but when he opens his mouth to scream, his father shoves his cock in it. So the son is on the ground, his father’s cock in his mouth, his cock in his mother’s mouth, and his sister pissing in his open wounds. Just then he shits all over the place and cums in his mother’s mouth. Then the daughter shits all over the place. Then the father cums in his son’s mouth. Then the mother, daughter, and son attack the father, hold him down, and force his ass open. The mother grabs a cockroach from a jar off to the side and sticks it in the father’s ass. In an effort to rid himself of the roach, the father starts spraying shit from his ass like a fountain. The son grabs the bucket and starts tapping on it like a drum and the mother and daughter dance around in the fountain of shit spraying from the father’s ass. The father then gets up, grabs the roach that went flying from his ass when he shit, and pops it in his mouth and swallows it.

“Ta-da!” he yells, and they all drop to one knee and throw their hands in the air.

“My God,” says the agent, completely stunned. “That’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen. I can’t book you. You people are sick and need to leave now. Dear me, that was horrible. I can’t imagine such an act exists. For heaven’s sake, what do you call yourselves?”

They all stand up, naked as the dawn and covered in shit, piss, blood, and cum. The father steps forward and with a lift of the chin, a puff of the chest, and a snap of the finger, proudly pronounces this extraordinary family.