The first disc of this two-disc limited edition is the movie itself, a series of six black and white recreations of lost Bettie Page bondage films tied (“tied”-get it?) loosely together by a horrendously acted, scripted, and directed biography of the legendary pin-up queen. To be fair, porn star and bondage model, Paige Richards, doesn’t really need to do much to get your attention (those mischievous eyes, that pout, the cascading ebony hair, those remarkable tits), but even her considerable charm wanes after about 20 minutes. The bondage scenes are more cute than erotic (aaah, look at Bettie shaking her mane in that adorable pony outfit, and oooh, check out the way she taps the blonde’s ass with that hairbrush-isn’t that sweet?) and the bio bit (“bit”-get it?) is pretty damned boring. So boring that, even though, in the spirit of the movie,  I was tied to my chair and ball-gagged, wearing only a pair of black silk stockings and a garter belt and 4” heels, my boyfriend still had to whip me every now and then to keep me from dozing off.

The second disc is titled, “How To Pose Nude By Bunny Yeager,” and consists of photographer Yeager directing photo shoots of Paige Richards in various locations a la Bettie Page (at the zoo, on the beach, in a fountain, wearing butterflies over her nipples and a starfish as panties, etc.). The highlight of this disc (besides those boobs, of course), is counting how many times Bunny tells Paige to fix her bangs. It could be a drinking game. Bonus features include an interview with Richards (she’s actually very sweet) and a Bunny Yeager photo gallery of still shots of  the original Bettie Page and of Richards as Bettie. Forwarding through these photographs, I couldn’t help but think that if this movie had been a coffee table book instead of a movie, it could have been remarkable, because those shots are hot. The movie, and its instructional companion video, are not so hot. (What did look hot, though, was the trailer for a movie called “Frivolous Lola” -Sleazegrinder, if you’re listening, send me a copy of that, okay?)        _____________________________________________________

- Holly