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“I’m Virgo – a virgin,
but only for horoscopes.”
 The main secret of
Secrets of a Call Girl isn’t exactly a revelation – that
good girls who fall in love with “bad boys” usually end up with their
hearts broken, or worse – but you know, plenty of people still seem to
ignore or forget that fact when they’re eyeballing that five-foot-nothing
knockout with the Bettie Page bangs at the end of the bar, or the scruffy,
in-desperate-need-of-a-sandwich rocker boy wearing cop shades at midnight
and scuffing the toe of his Chuck Taylors against the worn stone floor of
the club. But you know, everyone can use a reminder of the basic facts of
life, so in a sense, No Shame might be doing a service to the cult movie
community by releasing this film on DVD. Unfortunately, things being the
way they are, a few viewers are still gonna fall for that record store
clerk with the KISS tattoo and the Dodge Charger with the metallic blue
flake paint job even after watching Eurocult beauty Edwige Fenech go
through the tortures of the damned over greasy mobster Corrado Pani, but
hey, you can’t fault them for trying.
Fenech plays Anna, a
nice girl from a tiny Italian village whose dead-end life – dreary day
job, obnoxious parents – gets up-ended with the arrival of Guido (the late Pani), a slick player from Milan with a flash car and lots of hair. Guido
gets one eyeful of Anna behind the counter at her café, and he’s all over
her, asking for dates, following her home, the whole nine yards. At first,
Anna resists the full court press, but after a ride in the Ferrari and one
of those just-grab-me-and-kiss-me smooches, she’s sold on Guido. Can’t get
enough of his action. She’s even willing to look past him smacking her
around a few times when she asks too many questions – that’s how much
she’s into Guido. And when she discovers that he’s a gangster-hustler
under the biggest and meanest boss in Milan (veteran American tough guy
Richard Conte)? Well, she gets a little worried, but all Guido has to do
is smash his lips against hers or tear off her clothes, and those fearful
thoughts just pop like champagne bubbles.
But then it gets
ugly. Guido’s scheme to smuggle drugs into Switzerland via a specially
tricked out hearse goes awry, so after getting a faceful of fist from the
boss, he’s pressed to come up with a Plan B. So naturally, he goes to Anna
and convinces her to drive the goods over the border. No problem, says
Anna, but now she’s starting to worry. And when Guido’s life becomes too
confusing, too stressful, just too much, and she wants to leave – well,
the trap springs shut. She’s Guido’s property now – and besides, if she
leaves, how’s she going to pay for all the money he’s lent her, all the
dresses he’s bought, all the good times? Pretty soon, she’s been turned
out – gone from nice café clerk to high-priced hooker pulling tricks for
fat old men in the boss’s casino. That’s the reality of Guido, and Anna’s
up to her hips in it. And sinking fast.
The straw that
breaks the camel’s back comes when Anna discovers she’s pregnant. Not sure
by whom, but she’s with child. Guido doesn’t care, and starts dragging her
off to the abortionist. Can’t lose out on this cash cow. But as they’re
walking up to the door, Guido is grabbed by the police, and Anna, seeing a
window of opportunity for the first time in a long while, splits – all the
way to Rome, where she has her son, settles into something approaching her
old life again (she works at a book store), and even finds time to fall
for the doctor (John Richardson from Torso and One Million Years
B.C.) who saves her son during an emergency. Pretty nice, life is for
Anna. That is, until Guido shows up again.
Now, you’re a pretty
savvy filmgoer, so you can probably figure out that this can only go two
ways – Guido drags Anna back to his miserable, hands-all-over world, or
she escapes his clutches. And the thing is: both of those answers are
correct, but this being an extremely over-emotive Italian drama, there’s a
lot of tears and guilt that have to come along with those events, and even
when they both happen, it still doesn’t end up rosy for anyone. Nobody
makes out from having contact with Guido, but such is life.
I can say right now
that most sleaze beasts are gonna have a problem with Secrets of a Call
Girl – there’s plenty of nudity from Fenech (rowr) and rough sex, and
there’s also a good deal of action, some of it fairly sadistic in true
Italian crime fashion (Guido repeatedly blasts a squealer trapped in a
phone book, and Conte’s crew floods a rival gang’s hideout with gasoline
and sets it ablaze, roasting several men alive – but there’s also a lot of
what they used to call “women’s picture” material to contend with. Fenech
and Richardson have a particularly sudsy romance, and the scenes involving
her son (who goes from infant to precocious five-year-old in the space of
one film splice) are heavy on the treacle, to say the least.
Secrets is almost the cult movie you could watch with your
girlfriend/spouse who doesn’t like these kind of movies – but one also
guesses that the numerous scenes of Fenech getting popped in the mouth by
Pani might do your relationship more harm than good.
On the flipside,
it’s a well-made picture, and very well acted by its cast, especially
Fenech, who gets to show her true range of talent beyond just wearing (and
not wearing) nice clothes. Pani is an unusual looking performer – with his
hangdog face and fireplug stature, he’s not really leading man material,
but he pulls off the unflagging self-confidence that’s needed to make us
believe that a beautiful girl like Fenech would fall for him. Conte is his
usual smooth and deadly self, and director Carnimeo gets plenty of mileage
from the supporting cast as well, including Ettore Mani as a dead-eyed
thug who endures a brutal home surgery session in the film’s opening. The
script by Ernesto Gastaldi and Francesco Milizia is heavy on the schmaltz,
to be sure, but it’s equally solid when it comes to the crime side of
things – had the violence and the romance been split into two separate
films, they’d still be strong ones. Carnimeo moves the picture along at an
energetic clip, and the entire production has a high-budget gloss (with
locations in Rome, Milan, Bergamo and Switzerland) thanks to
cinematographer Marcello Masciocchi. So really, it’s up to you: if you can
handle the syrupy side of things, there’s plenty of tuff stuff to enjoy in
Secrets of a Call Girl. If not… well, jeez, check out any of the
other movies we’ve reviewed on this site.
No Shame’s DVD is
widescreen and offers the original trailer as well as a brief gallery of
poster art and stills from the film. There’s also a featurette with
interviews with Fenech (still gorgeous), Gastaldi, and Carnimeo, all of
whom state that the production was mainly intended to offer Fenech
something more to do in a film besides scream or get naked. Not that
there’s anything wrong with that, but it’s nice to see that she was
equally good at other things. ________________________________________________________
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