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MTI’s DVD includes commentary by Ingvorsen, his
producing partner in crime Tim Howe, and Debbie R. – my screener disc
didn’t include the track, so I can’t tell you if it’s chock full of
behind-the-scenes goodies, or if Ingvorsen explains how he kept Billy
Drago’s spittle froth from covering the camera lens during his amped-up
monologues. Debbie also reportedly contributes a video diary to the
extras, but again, I have no idea if it shows clandestine footage of the
cast snorting blow off each others’ asses between takes or not.
Fortunately – or unfortunately – there are some things you’ll just have to
find out for yourself.
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If you love slasher movies – and by “love,” I mean
you love them like you love breathing without assistance or you love the
fact that you’re not dead – then you’ll probably get a kick out of Blood
Relic. To paraphrase the Diabolical Biz Markie, it’s got what you need – a
spooky location (a former naval base that’s been turned into a air
museum), an unstoppable killer in costume (flight jumpsuit and crash
helmet) who dispatches a gaggle of not-so-bright teens (the museum’s poon-hungry
staff) with a variety of lethal implements (mostly knives). Toss in some
affordable name actors (Debbie Rochon as one of the staff, and reliable
weirdo Billy Drago, who pulls double duty as the film’s associate producer
and its red herring), a liberal amount of gore, and you get… well, you get
another low budget slasher movie. If that blows sunshine up your dress,
you’ll probably appreciate the slight supernatural spin director and
co-star J. Christian Ingvorsen (Bog Creatures and about a million other
direct-to-video titles) puts on the story (a voodoo talisman found during
the invasion of Grenada, of all things, is the impetus for the murders),
as well as the impressive military hardware and locations that he wrangles
for all his films. You’ll undoubtedly also dig the fact that almost all of
the female cast have nude and/or softcore sex scenes (ever the trooper,
Debbie briefly flashes a tit, undoubtedly to boost flagging fan morale),
and the killings are very red and splattery, just they used to do like
back in ’83 (which, coincidentally, is when part of Blood Relic takes
place). However, if you’re like me and have devoted more time to watching
cheap horror pictures than, say, studying your major in college, Blood
Relic’s wholesale lack of suspense and been-there-seen-that story is
probably gonna be that unpleasant reminder that you’ve been watching the
same movie over and over again for the past twenty years, and apparently,
you haven’t or don’t want to learn your lesson. Not a fun message to have
dropped in your lap, I understand, but it’s probably better that you hear
it from me first.