“Did he stiff you?”
“Yeah, a couple of times. And he didn’t pay me, either!”

Nubile college girls Mandy (Beverly Lynne), Sandy (Cailey Taylor) and Candy (Stacey Burke) are in a heck of a pickle. Their sour-pussed teacher Miss Howell (Michelle Burke) and stick-up-the-ass Dean Grundy (Jay Richardson) will kick their shapely behinds out of college if they don’t get an A for a special project: to turn a failing business into a money-maker. But since ol’ poop Grundy said that they can’t be prostitutes, what are three hormonally-supercharged gals to do? Thankfully, Mandy figures out that joining an escort service is just like being a prostitute without the icky name (Mandy’s the smart one ’cause she has the shortest hair and the smallest boobs), so the girls truck on down to see Madame Zola (Anastacia Pierce), a palm reader who fronts a high-class escort service. And while Mandy and Sandy knock one out of the park by double-teaming a porn publisher, that silly Candy (she’s the wacky one ‘cause she has the biggest knockers and does “funny” things like fuck Miss Howell’s husband and “accidentally” major in animal husbandry) screws up the whole deal by getting busted by an undercover cop. Oh dear!

No need to fret, dear sleaze beasts: the girls’ equally empty-headed pal Satch (John Swipe), who’s been assigned the same project, has found a solution in his uncle Luke’s car wash. It’s been taking a nose dive for years, but Satch hits upon a perfect answer for everyone—a bikini car wash (well, the bikinis don’t stay on for long, but you get the idea)! But will this new scheme satisfy Dean Grundy and let the girls graduate?
You’ll have to watch The Erotic Escort Company to learn the answer to that question, but you’ll wanna check it out anyway, especially if you’re a fan of late ‘80s-early ‘90s softcore cable classics like Takin’ It Off and The Bikini Car Wash Company (which this movie owes a tip of the hat). There’s nothing but a “Vacancy” sign between this movie’s ears, but the script is full of dopey jokes like the one at the top of this review that are actually kinda funny after a few drinks, and Lynne, hardcore starlet Taylor and porn-queen-turned-fetish-doll Burke are all enthusiastic as hell and take off their clothes and fake-fuck a lot (all three, along with Swipe and Richarson, previously starred in Retromedia’s Curse of the Erotic Tiki—see review). And speaking of retro T&A, Michelle Bauer has an amusing turn as the pickle-lipped teacher, and even strips down to her undies (whatta trooper!). The whole thing is Big Dumb Fun courtesy Retromedia headman Fred Olen Ray (lurking behind the Nicholas Medina handle) and his wife/producer Miss Kim; I could be wrong, but I think associate producer “Bill Carson” is fellow indie exploitation merchant Jim Wynorski. Oh, and there’s a great gimmick in EEC—Hypno Vista, which flashes subliminal messages on screen, only instead of “Eat popcorn,” you get “Suck my big nipples.” Genius, really. If I was in charge of the National Endowment of the Arts council, I’d be writing out a check to Fred with plenty of zeroes as you read this.

Stacey Burke’s web site: staceyburke.com
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