It’s
a unique paradox— I hate children, yet I love Ghoul a Go-Go, a
television show that features a whole studio of the precocious little
monsters, all gleefully doin’ the Frug, and the Watusi,
and all manner of American Bandstand-style shimmy and shake. Now,
I’m assuming it’s probably the same amount of work to get a whole gaggle of
kids together for a public access dance show as it would to get, say, naked
biker chicks, so who knows why they went with the tykes. Perhaps, being
ghouls, they eat them after the show, I dunno. Anyway, my first brush with
G.A.G.G. came when I saw Pat Bishow’s amazing “It’s a
Haunted Happening”, perhaps the greatest
all-girl-battle-of-the-bands-in-a-haunted-house movie ever made. In it, the
brawling girl groups in question were all vying for a spot on the Ghoul a
Go Go TV show, a pseudo-60’s Zacherle/Ghoulardi kinda creature
feature horror host slash dance party throwback, only with bitchin’ garage
punk bands and the aforementioned chillun hopping around. It was hosted by
a sharply dressed hipster vampire named Vlad and his Tor Johnson-esque
mute hunchback assistant, Creighton. Like everything in a Bishow
movie, it was a trashy pop culture milkshake of cool thangs and cool
twangs, and I thought to myself, “Self, that would be pretty fuckin’ cool
if there really was a show like that.”
Well dang me and hang me from the highest tree- it was a real show, all
along. In fact, this underground sensation was the impetus for the whole
Haunted Happening, and, I’m sure, many happenings in the future,
haunted or otherwise. Broadcast from an old abandoned salt mine/ancient
Indian burial ground somewhere in Long Island, sponsored by a very
sketchy meat uh…pressing plant, I guess, and produced by an actual
bloodsucker and his spooky friends (including a very suave invisible man-
and if you could actually see him, you’d agree), Ghoul a Go Go is quite
possibly the greatest cable access show since that 3 weeks in 1990 when
they let my broadcast “Sleazegrinder’s All-Anal Hour” on
Cambridge Community television.
The
shows all start with the infectious theme song (by Johnny Chan and
the Dynasty Six) and a montage of Monkees-meets-the
Munsters styled hijinx. Then there’s dancing, lots of dancing, and
sure, it’s mostly just the little kids, but the monstrous hosts get in on
the hip-swiveling action too, and if yer lucky, they’ll splice in a few
hula girls or something. Then Creighton shows some film clips, usually old
b-movies, or whacked out high school instructional films, or creaky old
cartoons, all peppered-up with some bitchin’ garage rock. Then they all
dance some more. Then some superhip band plays- guests on the show have
included Hasil Adkins, the Dead Elvi, and the Insomniacs,
among others. Then there’s some crazy ass live ad for sponsor
Hinkleberry Meats, which may or may not use people for it’s bologna.
Then, well, what the hell…let’s dance some more! Oh, and it’s all in
gorgeous, glistening black and white. Just like life was, back in the 60’s,
before they invented color.
You know how when you were a kid and you’d watch 5 hours of cartoons on
Saturday morning, stuffing your maw with marshmallowy sugar cereal the
whole time, and by 11:00 AM, you were all wired and jagged and the cathode
rays were turning your skin green, and the only thing you knew for sure was
the Hong Kong Phooey was a bad ass? Well, on Ghoul a Go Go, they
feel like that all the time. If you miss that cartoony, hypoglycemic
feeling, then you know what to do, don’t ya? That’s right, the Jelly
Belly. And it goes like this….
Ghoul a Go Go can be seen all across New York on various channels-
check their
website
for listings. Of, if you’re not lucky enough to live in New York (I mean,
if you consider New York lucky), then you can buy videotapes of the show
and pretend you’re on Long Island! Yeehaw. Fellas, watch out, tho. My wife
Stacey has several shows on tape and she watches them all the
time. I think this Vlad character is hypnotizing her, or
something. If I disappear anytime soon, that’s probably why. They’re
probably trying to convince her into turning me into Hinkleberry people
sausages.
Harmless kid’s show? You decide.
-Sleazegrinder a Go Go