Malibu Express (DVD - 1985) 
Directed by Andy Sidaris
Starring Darby Hinton, Art Metrano, Sybil Danning
(Malibu Bay) www.andysidaris.com
This is where it all begins. Andy Sidaris's vision of an explosive silicone nirvana began here, in this goofy tale of a hillbilly detective caught up in the strange world of international intrigue, high tech espionage, and basketball-breasted Contessas. Hey, it's a living.
Cody Abilene (Hinton) is a mustache wearing cowboy and part time private dick who looks like Magnum PI, but shoots more like Don Knotts. He lives on a lavish yacht (The "Malibu Express") and spends as much time bedding bikini babes as he does solving crimes. One fateful day in between blowjobs, target practice, and loitering at the racetrack, Cody gets an assignment. Seems the Russians are stealing advanced computer secrets from American countries, and certain scurrilous investors stateside want to see and end to it, but quick. I'm not sure what kind of secrets they'd be pilfering, since in 1985, computers were still little more than glorified calculators and Pong machines, but there you go. The Yacht Club president and hi-tech exec Doug Wilton (Robert Darnell) hires Cody to find out who's leaking the information out to the Reds. 
Cody meets up with Countess Luciana (Sybill Danning, who's fried alive home perm is a fright), a top ranking government operative (I think), who points the podunk in the direction of wheelchair bound Lady Chamberlin (Niki Dantre), who holds all the answers to the caper in the confines of her rather trashy looking mansion. Well actually, first Danning fucks Cody dry, and then she sends him on his way. Lady C's mansion is filled with all sorts of goofy creatures, including a lingerie wearing maid with Cousin It hair and a cross dressing son in law, Stuart (Mike Andrews). Everybody in the joint has ulterior motives, and they all appear to be sleeping with each other and taking illicit photos as blackmail bait. I have no idea how it all connects, as too much goes on at once. By the time Cody goes to visit the sexy little race car girl so that her friend can develop some film for him in the darkroom she happens to have right at the goddamn track, I was hopelessly, happily lost, content to simply take in all the ample T&A, double crossing, cross dressing, and heavy handed innuendo. Suffice to say, as in all subsequent Sidaris epics, everything turns out all right in the end, especially for our hero, who somehow managed to have sex with every one of the leads, except maybe for the drag queen. 
Malibu Express is more tongue in cheek than Andy's later films, which is saying a lot. In fact, a good portion of the film could be considered slapstick, including a running gag with the Buffingtons, a drag racing family of hillbillies. His basic tenets were already included, though- the Playmates (4 of 'em), the explosions, the shower scenes, and the head spinning plot twists are all on deck. He may have over extended himself on the latter, however, since the finale includes a ten-minute, Scooby Doo styled explanation of the previous 80 minutes. Over-ambitious or not, ME is a ramshackle classic of b-movie bliss, the perfect introduction to a crazed new world of Sidaris-ian Bad Fun. Plenty of bonus features on this one, including profiles of several Sidaris starlets, another informative installment of Andy's "Film school", and of course, Julie Strain's tits. Don't miss it. - Sleazegrinder