Exhumed :An Epic Anthology of the Undead (2003)
Directed by Brian Clement
Starring Masahiro Oyake, Hiroaki Itaya, Claire Westby, Moira Thomas, Chelsey Arentson, Chantelle Adamache, Chuck DePape, Denys Melanson, Rob Nesbitt, Scott Bisgrove, Kitten Coquette (whew!)
Frontline
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Canuck monstermaker Brian Clement's previous films, "Binge and Purge" and the "Meat Market" series, were rollicking, action-and-misadventure splatterfests filled with punk vampires and flesh hungry zombies. They were bold, brash, louder n' hell, and showed real flashes of brilliance on a budget. Well, 'ol Bri has taken his undead obsessions to a whole 'nother level here. "Exhumed" is a three part anthology of restless dead potboilers that span the centuries- from the tail end of Feudal-era Japan, to America in the 40's, and all the way to a post-apocalyptic ground zero (presumably, somewhere in the not-too-distant future). Personally, if you handed me a script like this, I'd laugh you right outta my fuckin' office - the work to pull off just ONE of these (longish)shorts would be enough to make my head explode - but goddamn if the crafty Clement didn't pull this off in style.

The first entry in this grand trilogy of terror, "Forest of Death", involves a monk and a Samurai warrior both tromping through a forest in 19th Japan, vying to find a strange and ancient 'artifact' that brings the dead back to life. The warrior hunts for it at his master's behest, who has plans to use it to form a zombie army; the monk's job is to make sure such a hideous plot never sees fruition. What they are both about to discover is that the artifact is already working it's wicked magic, and the forest is crawling with the hungry undead. Both men find themselves locked in a bizarre struggle of life and death - and rebirth, and re-death. It gets weird out there, is what I'm saying. Shot with Japanese actors and cleverly utilizing sub-titles, "Forest" is a wildly inventive little film, filled with more than a few meaty sword-cleaving scenes, reminiscent (as I'm sure it's supposed to be) of Shogun Assassin.

Mini-movie number 2, "Shadow of Tomorrow", is a dead-on accurate homage of 40's film noir flicks. Shot in black and white (or at least presented that way), this one is all mood and atmosphere and shadows and what sounds like bits of an old Godzilla soundtrack, all adding up into total immersion in a post WWII world of tough dames, drunken sailors, and swirling mysteries. The story involves a female detective paid to chase a sketchy divorcee who may or may not be involved in a twisty grave-robbing/plastic surgery/reanimation scheme. "Exhumed", ya know. Cashing in on the nu-Burlesque fad, Clement shrewdly has the wayward wife playing exactly that circuit, doing a smoky lounge number between an 'ol time cowgirl show and a peekaboo Betty Page-esque striptease by hipster pin-up model Kitten Coquette, playing herself, only 40 or so years ago. Otherwise, it's a series of picked-up clues and chases through the alley, leading up to a bizarre and sudden climax that neatly adds heft and sense to the previous tale's legend of the 'artifact-that-brings-the-dead-back-to-life'. The attention to detail on this one is truly impressive- from the period piece clothing to the hard-boiled dialogue, it's as authentic as any of the films it's paying it's respects to. Sure, it's a bit talky and light on the bloodspray and tits, but so were all the film noirs, right?

Part three, "Last Rumble", is a wild Quadrophenia homage, as leather jacketed teddy boy werewolves duke it out with similarly be-fanged, Moped ridin' mod vampires in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Pomade and powerpop disputes are the least of their problems, however, as a Gestapo-like government is rounding all the rockin' mutants up for wreckless military experiments. But first, they put them in pits and make 'em fight zombies, like greaser cock fighters. This one's just insane, man, a crazed mélange of hot rocker chicks, chainsaw massacres that rival "Pieces" for graphic dismemberments, and zombies everywhere. Amazing. It's also one of the LOUDEST pieces of film (video, whatever) I've seen in along time, with huge explosions and stormtroopers kicking down doors and lobbing grenades every two minutes. This is familiar ground for Clement, and if you've seen any of the Meat Market flicks, well, it's like that- only on speed, and wired into a wall of Marshall stacks. A very rock and roll ending to a very ambitious omnibus.

Clement is a master at this stuff, and he's showing off like crazy on this one. I salute him. You, you don't have to salute. Just pick it up, and prepare for a rock 'em sock 'em couple of hours of pure exploitation flick bliss. Oh, and if it leaves you scratching your head at how he pulled this all off, stick around for the informative, entertaining bonus, the "Micro Budget Horror Filmmaking Primer". And for the pervs among us, there's a nicely-shot retro pinup gallery, too. Yowza.

-Sleazegrinder