Spiderbabe
Directed by Johnny Crash
Starring Misty Mundae, Darian Cane, Julian Wells
EI Cinema
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This 'un is massive, two-disc set, and features two different versions of "Spiderbabe"- the "R" cut, and the "Unrated" cut. Guess which one I watched? As with any film that she top-lines, the focus of "Spiderbabe" is all the long, lingering looks at Misty Mundae's itty-bitty titties and her flawless ass, and brother, you get meaty helpings every five minutes or so here. But in between the seemingly endless succession of softcore lesbo sex-asides, there's a fun, punchy reworking of the "Spiderman" story with laughs galore, of both the intentional, and the just-kinda-turned-out-that-way variety.

For all the hardcore Misties  among us,who are pretty much convinced that when ya cut the petite flesh queen open, cherry cola pours out, you may wanna shield yr eyes during the opening segments, when Misty appears sans make-up and glamware, as mousy, put-upon "Patricia the Prude". Never been kissed, this one, and with those funky granny glasses and the tousled mop of unwashed hair, it doesn't look like it's gonna happen anytime soon. Things are looking up, however, as she is finally leaving the nest (which is kind of a weird scene anyway - mom and dad are dead, and aunt and uncle are quite a pair. Auntie's into S&M, and unk's into...I dunno, pills and coughing fits, I think) for dorm life at the local university. She even scores a study date with her fave gay bar stud/football hero. Things go gloriously awry one day in biology class, however, when her fumbling professor somehow loses his million dollar radioactive tarantula. It ends up biting Misty, of course, granting her all manner of Peter Parker-esque superpowers. She can even shoot spider webs out of her...well, you know. So, what does she do with her new specialness? Why, she does exactly what she already does with the supersexypowers she has now- she exploits 'em for dough.

Scanning the classifieds in the local almost-the-New-York-Post newspaper, she chances upon a wrestling contest at Madison Square Garden - last a few rounds with reigning girl-champ Queen Bee (who wears ruling yellow eye shadow), win a thousand bucks. Misty comes up with a truly slutty superhero outfit (she originally wanted to call herself Pussy Web, but that one got the kibosh), and heads out to the arena. It is exactly at this point when director Johnny Crash's inherent sleaze-genius comes into play, because dig the fully loaded kink menu in this scene:

Misty Mundae.
Lesbo hijinks.
Chicks in superhero outfits.
Chicks wrestling.

If only one of 'em shaved the other's pussy or peed on her, then you could sell bootlegs of Spiderbabe from the back of a truck in downtown Hamburg for 200 Euros a pop, 'cuz this scene covers more fetishes at once than I ever thought possible. Bravo, Mr. Crash, bravo.

Anyway, while Spiderbabe is carrying on and collecting her long green, uncle is getting dead while on a mission to find her wayward alter-ego, and as a result, she decides then and there to use her powers "Only for good. And for getting laid. But mostly for good. And getting laid." She becomes New York's most controversial new hero, as she has a tendency to publicly screw whoever it is she's saving. Meanwhile, a diabolical scheme is being hatched to create an equally horny Snakebabe (Wells), which leads to a typically raunchy, yet touching conclusion.

Spiderbabe is a very sexed-up spoof, laced with goofy humor ("I'm stuffed...put me on the mantle!") and tons of girl/girl sexcapades. Ok, so Spiderbabe's action segments leave much to be desired- the fight scenes are choppy, and her optical flying effects are one step away from Monty Python. But, you know, who the hell cares? Misty fuckin' Mundae is either in a bitchin' superhero outfit or naked for 90% of the film's running time, which is really all you need to know.

As with all of EI's releases, this one arrives as loaded as a drunk on payday. Besides the aforementioned "R" rated version of Spiderbabe, there's interviews with stars Mundae and Julian Wells, a video for (sigh) nu-jack metal band Punishment featuring Misty, and a making-of-the-video segment; an out-take reel, deleted scenes, a whole buncha behind the scenes stuff, including a look at how they put together the bitchin' Spiderbabe costume, and even a full color booklet. Righteous.

-Sleazegrinder