The Dirty 13
With Subculture Hero
This week: Eric 13
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There was probably a time when those of us here at Sleazegrinder HQ were the biggest Sex Slaves fans in the world, but then the Slaves went and toured across America a million times and wrote a song about the miracle that is Jack Daniels and now our sleazy admiration for the band pales in comparison to what every pig-tailed sweetheart and the stockholders for Old No. 7 feel for the band at this exact moment in time. And really, who wouldn’t take teenage pussy and whiskey shots night after night? Driving this pleasure train is Eric13, singer/guitarist/rock n’ roll boy toy, the man with the shit eating grin and knack for writing incredibly infectious sleaze pop songs, the kind of sleaze pop songs that make your cock perk up and your sister’s panties get wet. So, you know, the best kinds of songs, natch. And since we’ve never featured the Sex Slaves on this site before, I figured it was their due. Besides, who better to answer the Dirty 13 questions than Eric 13 himself, a man after our own numerical heart?

First, Eric, I have to ask, how many shots of Jack Daniels have you consumed in the last two years?

I’m gonna puke just thinking about it. Probably like 2,000. Really. People really seem to love buying shots for the Sex Slaves.

 

Thank God for Jack Daniels.

Ok, I’m a little confused…can someone actually buy food at Arlenes Grocery?

No, but on a good night you can get a hand job in the secret bathroom for $10. Highly recommended.

 

 Clean up in aisle four.


I’ll keep that in mind if I’m ever there. Hey, what’s the very first band t-shirt you possessed and do you still have it?

I got a killer black Aerosmith shirt with silver wings for my fifth birthday. I wore it to my first day of kindergarten. Sadly, when my house burned down a few years later it was lost.


Well, I doubt it would still fit anyway, but a terrible loss nonetheless. So, can you name some other important 13s besides yourself?

The 13 Commandments, 13 Wonders of the World, Jason Haddonfield. And there’s a  cool girl in London, Ontario named Jolene 13.

Jolene 13 being cool at a Sex Slaves show.


You forgot the most important one of all – The Dirty 13. And you’re right, Jolene is cool, and she wants to know when the Sex Slaves are coming back to London. Hey, remember the last time you came here and I had to lie to the border to get you into my country? Would you have come to my aid if they found me out and tracked me down?

Fuck no. Those female immigration officers are nuts. They made us strip down naked and unload all of our gear onto the side of the highway. I didn’t even get a phone number.

Glad to know you have my back, man. Say, where is Nikki right now? Is she still without a shirt?

Ah, the beautiful Nikki…she’s in New York City being a super hot model and heartbreaker. But she never does nudity; that was a special favor just for the Sex Slaves.

 

Nikki on the cover of, well…“Nikki”.


What about those two girls kissing on the cover of Bite Your Tongue? Are they still kissing?

Unfortunately, one of them got deported, so they are no longer together. Ironically, she got busted at the Canadian border. Fuckin’ hosers.

Biting their tongues.

Maybe she should’ve called me to help her get across. Eric, you write a lot of songs about fucking girls and listening to Guns N’ Roses. Why are these two things so important to you?

Um, does this really require an answer? The two go together better than Bacardi and the diet cola midget.

Which KISS character is Eric 13: the Demon, the Cat Man, the Space Ace, or the Star Child?

Well, Ace is the fucking man, but I’m not insane enough to be the Space Ace. I’d be Paul if he weren’t so gay, ‘cause he’s got the best stage banter ever. Can I be the Ankh like Vinnie Vincent?

 

Eric13, demon child.


If you had to put together a compilation album featuring the best bands from New York City, past or present, who would it include?

The Bullys, Run DMC, KISS, Twisted Sister, Firegods, Banana Fish Zero, Ramones, X-Possibles, NY Dolls, Blondie, Trashlight Vision, Supervillian, Johnny Thunders, Dead Blonde Girlfriend, Richard Hell, The Bogmen, Vic Thrill, EPMD, Honky Toast, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Lou Reed, and LL Cool J.

Excellent work. Listen, you and your band have spent a lot of time on the road. Give us your best road story.

On our second day in Japan, we’re sitting in a sushi joint before a gig in Tokyo and an earthquake hits, rattling all the food and drinks off our table, and the pictures on the wall start shaking and falling off. We’re all freaking out wondering what the fuck is going on and the chef starts laughing hysterically and saying all this crazy shit in Japanese. Like a mile away a bullet train went off the track and crashed into a building. It was like 5.2 on the Richter scale and all sorts of shit got fucked up all over the city. Ten minutes later it calmed down and all the people acted like nothing happened. We got on stage two hours later to a packed house at Red Cloth Club. Awesome show, scary day.

Take any verse from the Bible and give me the Sex Slaves’ rock n’ roll version of it.

And after the 563rd day of tour, the Sex Slaves finally rested.

 No rest for the wicked.

 Finally, Eric, if Jim Morrison was still alive, where would he be and what would he be doing?

Ol’ Jim would probably be sitting on the beach down in Venice, smokin’ a doob and writing some poetry. Man, I’d love to hear some more stuff from him.

-  Jeff "Dirty 14" Warren     

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