Shelton: Oh yeah - I'm all about preparedness. I've also been known to study for blood tests, urine samples, and the breathalyzer.

Jeff: Then I guess you don’t need some drug-free, clean human urine delivered right to your door, huh? While I do applaud your Boy Scout mentality, and willingness to stick it to the man, the answer I was looking for was, ‘No. I was born to rock.’

2. Ok, you've clearly traveled here from the some distant time. Why here? Why now? What is your purpose?

Jeff: There’s no such thing as a sensitive Super Rock question, sucker. But, I’m feeling generous, so here’s something just for you -- Angie on a phone. I would’ve made it a rotary, but you know, you’ve got to earn some things around here.

3. Rumor has it that The Golden Gods are always surrounded by sexy bitches. Do you have any sexy bitches with you right now?

Shelton: A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell (even if she’s a 21-year-old redhead with those little cat eye glasses that are sexy as fuck).

4. Please give us a step-by-step guide on how to properly bring the funk.

Shelton: Unfortunately, since you are in Canada and I’m down here state-side, any information I relay regarding international funk smuggling could be seen as a breach of the USA-CAN-MEX Funk Accord of 1981, as well as a blatant violation of the Patriot Act. Have we learned nothing since 9/11?

Jeff: I know I haven’t learned anything. Besides, I’ve got the border beat, man. Hell, just a little while ago I smuggled some sex slaves in to the country, so it’ll be a breeze bringing the funk over. Although, chances are I won’t know what to do with the funk once I’ve got it, so perhaps it is best left in your capable hands. Good call. Full points.
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5. I'm currently shopping for a new religion. Why should I consider rock n' roll salvation?

Shelton: Body of Christ vs. Body of Dynamite Dan: I mean, is it even close?

Jeff: No. No it’s not. I guess that would make him the Hairy Krishna, right? When the collection plate comes around, I’m putting in 15,000 points and a watch for you and the Golden Gods’ church of ROCK.

6. If you had your choice of paradise, would it be Xanadu or Shangri-la?

Shelton: At least you didn’t ask me to choose between ‘Paradise Theater’ and ‘Paradise By The Dashboard Light’.

Jeff: Yeah, or even ‘Back to Paradise’ or ‘Gangsta’s Paradise’. I would have accepted ‘Paradise City’, however, for obvious reasons. Of course, Shangri-la is the correct answer, because Andrew Wood is waiting for us there, wearing a long white leather coat, purple glasses, and glitter in his hair. But 67 points to you for sidestepping a potential landmine.

7. Have you ever shagged on shag?

Shelton: I’m pretty sure Scooby-Doo would take one look at this carpet and say ‘Ruh-Roh’.

Jeff: Right now I’m just happy I didn’t actually have to hear you say, ‘Ruh-Roh’. Hey, I wonder if Scooby ever shagged Shaggy on some shag?

8. Name the five best albums from 1976-1979.

Shelton: Best? That’s a lot of pressure. How ‘bout five real fuckin’ good rock n’ roll records: Foreigner’s ‘Foreigner’, KISS’s ‘Rock and Roll Over’, AC/DC’s ‘Highway to Hell’, UFO’s ‘Strangers in the Night’, and Cheap Trick’s ‘Heaven Tonight’. If you don’t have all of these records, you don’t love rock n’ roll.

Jeff: Excellent work. I would’ve also accepted anything by Alice Cooper, Thin Lizzy, Queen, David Bowie, The Who, Aerosmith, The Rolling Stones, Sweet, or Blondie. Points a ‘plenty.
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9. What's the better pie: peach or bumble berry?

Shelton: I was born a ‘peach’ man; I’ll die a ‘peach’ man.

Jeff: Ooh, a sexual reference. Nice work. Don’t forget the tasty fur pie too. You could have also opted for the less desirable, but equally tempting, Humble and lemon meringue pies. 500 points and some whipped cream.

10. Name some other golden things people should worship besides The Gods.

Shelton: Bowie’s ‘Golden Years’, golden oldies, golden showers, The Solid Gold Dancers, and Hulk Hogan’s mustache.

Jeff: So close. You left out the California Golden Seals and Rue McClanahan. Hey man, a slut’s a slut, no matter what her age.

11. What's your fondest teenage house party memory?

Shelton: Two words: Regina Gibson. She made me a man at just such a party.

Jeff: I saw my buddy’s sister’s tits at a party. She was passed out and we we’re carrying her up the stairs by her arms when her sleeves started to slip and her shirt came off. Man, they were spectacular tits. One guy grabbed a pylon and ran around the house bellowing, “I say Patty’s boobies! I saw Patty’s boobies!” I’m not sure if we ever dressed her, but probably not. We spent the rest of the night watching old Canada Cup reruns, eating waffles, and riding mountain bikes into the swimming pool. Those were the days. Ten points for pointless, nude nostalgia.

12. Without checking, T. Rex or Thin Lizzy: "With my greased-up Levis, baseball boots above my head/If it wasn't such a tragedy, I might wish I was dead."

Shelton: While lyrically we can all see Phil talking this talk, it was actually Marc Bolan that was doin’ the walking on ‘Hot Rod Mama’.

Jeff: Right. But what the hell are baseball boots?

13. Finally, what will be your famous last words and from where will you shout them?

Shelton: ‘I’M COMIN’ BACK REGINA AND IT’S GONNA BE WAAAAYYY BETTER THIS TIME – I SWEAR!!!! NOW FLIP THAT FUCKIN’ SWITCH!!!’...as I step into an un-tested time machine built with my rock and roll fortune (about $3100).

Jeff: Well, my man, this may be your lucky day. I had my people look into it and we narrowed it down to these two:*

Regina Gibson - (714) XXX-9953 - 1200 XXXX Ave, Santa Ana, CA 92705

Let us know how it works out!

Well, it looks like Shelton’s off to rekindle an old flame. The $3,100 in his pocket might not help him, but he shouldn’t have trouble seducing any horny teenage sweethearts when they find out he has passed the Super Rock Quiz with flying colors. The Golden Gods have officially been granted super rock status and supreme immortality. And believe me, there’s nothing better. Amen.