Texacala Jones is the coolest rock star in the world. Nobody can touch her. Axl Rose is a just bratty amateur in comparison. She’s destroyed more hotel rooms than every member of Motley Crue combined on one tenth of the budget, and has casually strolled away from more fiery disasters than Evel Knieval. Her legendary ‘cowpunk’ band, the Horseheads, has directly influenced every shitkicker rock band in existence, from the Supersuckers to Nashville Pussy. She wore tribal make-up before Adam Ant, torn-up dresses before Courtney Love, and to this day, remains the only girl in the world beautiful and bad-ass enough to successfully wear chicken bones in her hair. She is a voodoo-goddess, a punk rock superstar, a beer-swilling danger hound, the ultimate outlaw pin-up, and one of the greatest blues singers to ever throw up in a suitcase.

Although she had played in bands as far back as high school, Tex is most well known as the lead singer in Tex and the Horseheads, an LA band that formed in the early 80’s in the wake of the spooky desperado punk of the Gun Club. Their sound was half Howlin’ Wolf, half Johnny Cash, with a dose of good ol’ dive bar rock n’ roll tossed in. Tex was wild, free, and sexy as hell, and her band was young, mean, and ready for anything. Of course, LA loved ‘em, and they remained club favorites for years. They released three myth-making albums while together, all on Enigma Records – a self-titled EP in 1984, their only full-length album, “Life’s So Cool” in 1985, and their coda, the live-in-Holland epic “Tot Ziens”, in 1986. The live album has then-new songs, as well as Horseheads classics, and includes fantastically bizarre between-song banter from Tex about how she thought Reagan and Gorbachev should’ve played checkers together, and then maybe blow each other. All three records are full of authentic gut-bucket rock n’ roll, full of slink, venom, heart, and many, many empty bottles of whiskey.

During the Horseheads’ heyday, Tex utilized her considerable charm and cock-eyed grace in a few small movie roles, including “Border Radio” (1987), a gritty, Super-8 trailer-park dramedy starring Flesheaters frontman Chris D, where she played a dizzy babsitter; Du-Beat-eo (1984), a comic-slop pseudo-documentary about the LA punk scene, starring Joan Jett; and Stephen (Café Flesh) Sayadian’s weirdo remake of the Dr. Caligari (1989), where she played a mental patient in a frightwig and a straight jacket. Around this time, she also did a stint as a story teller and back-up singer in the Ringling Sisters, a performance troupe of LA scene-makers, including Iris Berry, Pleasant Gehman, and Johnette Napolitano (Concrete Blonde). She was also known to hop on stage with all-girl cowpunkers the Screaming Sirens on occasion. She was known to do lots of stuff on occasion, most of it illegal or at least dangerous, but her winning smile and lace bustier almost always saved the day.

Somewhere in the late 80’s, the Horseheads drifted apart. Tex has been in a host of different bands since then, including Texorcist, the TJ Hookers, and Los Platos. In 2001, the Horseheads even got back together for a few reunion gigs. Several of the original Horseheads, including guitarist Mike Martt and bass player Greg “Smog Vomit” Boas, continue to gig every so often, only without Tex at the helm. Tantalizing talk of a full-blown reunion has, to this date, remained the stuff of hopeful rumors, but Texacala Jones is always full of surprises.

Like, for example, when she agreed to do this interview. Tex has been press-shy for years, but at the behest of one of her many guitar players, she graciously answered all my questions, via email. Generally speaking, I’m more of a phone interview guy, but I didn’t mind this time, because I was actually sort of afraid to talk to Tex in person. She is, after all, the coolest rock star in the world.

Well, what was baby-Tex like? What was you favorite TV show when you were ten years old? Did all the boys love you in school? Did you go to your prom? What was your favorite band when you were 16? What was the name of your first band? Did you ever own a Judas Priest record? That’s a lot of questions at once, sorry.

As for BabyTex, T.V. was mostly spooky and funny, like the "Munsters".  But there wasn't much time for that, because I was always on the move, which is why I could never hold on to a Judas Priest or any other kind of album.  I liked all that stuff a lot, but had no favorites. Really there were no boys, no proms.... cause I was too weird.  I wore black and listened to John Coltrain alone, by myself in the rain....and loved it.

"Boris Horris Doris and Dalores" was the first band I was in, and I actually played rhythm guitar.  We were way ahead of our time and prob'ly still are.

Did you ever go to see Guns N' Roses?

The atmosphere musically was festive yet very interesting, especially because the tragically mundane wasn't in such strict play back then.

Were you all just listening to country and playing in punk bands, or was it more complicated then that?

It wasn't very complicated at all, because I loved most music and it was fun mutating everything.

Could you just as easily have been a glam metal band, if the mood hit, or was voodoo-country-blooze always in your blood?

Don't worry, as long as it's not rated Triple X, there's a good chance most of it is true.

Actually, I'd rather just believe them all. But please tell me what comes to mind when I mention:

Handguns. Specifically, Tex and handguns, and the time she shot up…

 Who told you about the suitcase?

One of your old guitar players, of course. How about the time y’all got so lost that….

Looking back on it now, it seems like every time we got  lost, it would be like trying to find the Emerald City of OZ.

The time that guy/girl got up on stage and….

Yes, many a girl and boy got on stage and lived to tell about it. Some got stitches.

That one crazy fight we got into where…

I'm not proud that more than ONE fight ensued...But let me just say that it's more fun to talk about being chased by an angry torch waving mob of blood spitting, knife wielding, zombie munching, Grammas than it is for it to really be happening.

Which of the three Horseheads records do you think most accurately represents the sound of the band?

The Horseheads recordings vary, and I'm glad, because it shows all the different things we can do...like being rough and rowdy, or intelligent and soulful.
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Although there were new songs on Tot Ziens, there were no plans for a new album after L.S.C.  We were too busy for a bunch of plans, set lists and stuff of that nature.

What were the circumstances that resulted in the Live in Holland album? Did you record  a bunch of shows and decide that one was the best, or was that the only one you recorded?

There was only one recording date for the live album and it was planned long before by the company men.

Actually, we were unusually sober when we started out...but it may have gone the other way as the event progressed.

Why did the band break up after Tot Ziens? Why, oh why?

I can't really say why the Band had broke-up...Every one had their own reasons.....But as long as I'm around....Let there be HORSEHEADS!

One of the things people remember most about you is your role as the babysitter in Border Radio. You were clearly the highlight of that film. Did you improvise your lines in that? Because the line about the kid makin' mudpies brought the house down when I saw it in the theater.

When we did "BORDER RADIO", they gave me a basic script and then allowed me creative license.  Thanx for laughing, it's better than the usual rotten tomatoes and old tin cans being hurled my way.

Speaking of your movie career, what do you remember about shooting Dubeat-eo? And how did you end up as an asylum inmate in the Dr Caligari remake?

So many of our friends were in Dubeat-eo. It was a week long party.  We worked hard, played hard and had food fights.  No, just kidding, we didn't work hard. I don't know much about the "Dr. Caligari" remake. I thought I was an extra.  Then the next thing I know, I'm in a straight jacket, strapped to a train pully, going back and forth and back and forth.  I thought the chicken bomb I ate at the Lunch truck was gonna come up.  Then all of a sudden I found myself underneath a huge building facade which had crashed down on me.  I had the gnarliest bump on my head for months. The bump is gone now...really!
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The Ringling Sisters did songs and spoken word. My part in the band was Baritone harmonies and a little comedy. And yes, we had lots of fun.  In fact, we got kicked out of our first show in S.F. for heckling our own selves....so we got a bottle of wine and hung out at a biker ba,r then spent the night at a white rat farm.  

I wasn't in the "Screaming Sirens"....But Plez (Pleasant Gehman) would have me come up and do: "Itchy and Slouchy, that's the way I like Um" with them.  Yes, hanging with the gals was some of the funnest times I ever had.

When the Horseheads stopped playing, Dave Catchings and I put together "TEXORCIST".  We wrote some wonderful songs and played with some great players...in our time. There were some 8trk and home recordings but nothing ever came out. Texorcist knew no musical bounds.  We even broke the sound barrier, but who will ever know. Around that time, I ended up in the Bay area in a town called Dublin, at a party.  Well, these guys said “Let's jam”....and we had so much fun we didn't stop jammin’ for months.  A couple of our songs are on a compilation CD called "UNDERGROUND" on "Not Records".

During the next few years I was involved in various recording projects and played in a string of bands, none of which jelled into anything lasting. Then, alas, my good friend Jeff Smith ("HICKOIDS") said I should forget all the shiny stuff and just play some good ole HORSEHEAD style Rock N Roll again.  At the time, Jeff was in a band called "The Gay Sportscasters", who were also good buddies of mine, so we got together and started a band.  There was some talk about calling our new project "FIGHTING OVER A 12 PACK", but we opted for the more acceptable "Texacala Jones and her T.J. HOOKERS".  At first, before "The Gay Sportscasters"  would play, I'd jump on and do 5 or 6 numbers till we had a full set.  Since then players have come and gone and some came back again. We have one C.D. and we've been talking about recording another.  The T.J. Hookers are: Rob Gains on Drums, Walter Daniels: Sax and Harp, Jeff Smith on Guitars and Vocals, John Hancock on Guitar, Tex hollering and screaming, and Sam Kelley on Bass.

We still play as much as we can but it's not very often, because we all live in different towns....So please check us out if you get a chance.

When the "HOOKERS" slowed down, Stevie T and I recorded 4 songs which haven't been released yet. Also, I recorded some things with Walter Daniels on a few of his projects like “Big Foot Chester” and “South Filthy”.

When I heard Los Platos was seeking a vocalist, I jumped right in. Since then we’ve written quite a few tunes and recorded some demos. Now we’re interested in procuring a brilliant yet intuitive producer and a sharp innovative Label.

Los Platos is: Kurtis on Guitar, Rigo on Guitars, Brian on Drums, Matt on Bass, and I’m the tune slinger. With these vocal chords everything I do turns out a little bloozy, but we’re pretty much straight ahead ROCK, with some ballads, too. I’ve been in Los Platos a couple years now, because I’m completely into the songs and the utter ROCKABILITY.

Has anyone ever suggested a Texacala Jones movie? And if there is one, will you insist on playing yourself?

No, no one ever mentioned a movie about myself….that would be funny. But if there was one I’d only play myself NOW. Someone younger like Cartman from “Southpark” (Just Kidding) should play me 25 years ago. Or else it could be like “What Ever Happened To Baby Tex”?

You reunited, briefly, with the fellas in 2001. What caused that to happen? All reports say that the shows were amazing…so why didn't you keep at it?

Yes, it was indescribable playing shows with the Horsehead again. Thanks to Mike Martt for putting it all together. To put it into words would be hard, because I can’t spell a scream. OH YEAH, it was wonderful. But now because of our schedules and the mileage between us it takes some planning for us to play, although Mike and I were talking about doing another Horseheads show in a couple of months. Also, there is a Tex and the Horseheads site on myspace.com.

So, Mike and Smog played some shows earlier this year as the Horseheads…but no Tex? Is that even possible? Have you since hashed it out? Because that's like the Stooges without Iggy.

Earlier this year when the Horseheads played without me, we discussed it and it was very cool with me. In fact it makes me happy that they still like Horseheads music….and playing together.

Do you think Mike misses you? His record sounds like he does.

Yeah, well Mike's a pretty busy guy right now, but I think sometimes he might miss me……cause really I think we miss each other….And sometimes I cry these GREAT BIG horsey tears, just homesick for the Horseheads.

Me too. That's it for now, Tex. Thanks so much for taking the time.

Ken, thanx for remembering us.

Thanks for being so memorable.

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-Sleazegrinder