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Tiffany Shepis Thinks I’m Stupid! (And I
Think I’m In Love) |
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Ms. Shepis, of
course, is the raven-haired megaton bomb of haywire energy,
take-no-prisoners enthusiasm and unbridled sexual magnetism whose face and
form have graced low-budget and independent horror and exploitation
pictures for the better part of the last decade. She got her start as a
teenager in Troma’s Tromeo and Juliet (1996), and since then, has
turned up in everything from Matthew Bright’s underrated Ted Bundy
(she’s the girl who beats Ted’s ass in the VW) and Chad Ferrin’s creepy
cannibal thriller The Ghouls to Pauly Shore is Dead and
something called Smoke Pot Till You Fucking Die. Arguably, the
director who’s provided her best showcases is Kanefsky, who’s figured out
that Tiffany is a terrific comic performer, and a lot more versatile than
most of her pictures allow her to be. In typical fashion, Tiffany is in
the process of finishing or starting a number of films as you read this:
among those in the can is Ryan Schifrin’s Bigfoot creature feature
Abominable, which recently turned up on Nightline for a feature
on horror films. And she’s also getting ready to hit the convention
circuit again, with the Fangoria Weekend of Horrors on June 2-4 in
Burbank, CA among her first stops. With so much happening on Planet
Tiffany, I’m very grateful to her for taking the time to answer my
retarded questions. Tiffany, I’ll grope a dude for you any time. Just next
time, leave the camera home. |
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The Ultimate Degenerate: Tiffany Shepis, you're the idol of millions, a huge movie star, and the lust object of countless sleaze beasts everywhere. Because our egos need constant stroking, please tell us why you decided to grant us this interview. Tiffany Shepis: Ha-ha…idol/movie star…NO…lust object of sleaze beasts….maybe;) I wanted to do this interview cause talking to sleazy fucks like you make me feel better about myself. Oh, and cause I love ya. Well, I love you too, Tiffany, and I don’t care who knows it. So you got your start with Troma at the tender age of 14. Is it safe to say that you were the kind of girl our mothers would have warned us about?
No, I was a sweet
girl, just a bit crazy, is all. I liked to make B-grade horror flicks and
be covered in blood, what’s so strange about that? |
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There is not
one single thing wrong with it. I was very disappointed to see you check
out so early in Abominable, though your death is one of the film's
highlights. So here's my question: how do you prepare for a scene in which
you're pulled Ha-ha… you’re so stupid. You got that right. So how did you do it? I had to do a lot of yoga. |
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Here's one of the many reasons why we love you: in Nightmare Man, you get to handle a crossbow, flash an underage boy, and get molested by an evil spirit, which causes you to spasm uncontrollably in the dirt while wind machines blow over you. Gwyneth Paltrow would shit a brick if someone asked her to do that, but you're totally game, which makes you more of a professional, in my book. But do they ever give you credit? No… No, come to think of it…those fucks never do give me credit. I have had love scenes on the snow-covered ground in -degree weather, had sticky blood poured all over me while rolling all over the desert floor while lil bugs find their way out of the heat ON YOUR BODY, been forced to work in a WORKING funeral home with real dead people cause we couldn’t afford the fake corpses, made to run barefoot through NY’s meatpacking district (fuckin nasty). So to answer your question…NO they do not give me any credit, but who’s the stupid ass that keeps agreeing. That’s just what makes you a professional. Tiffany, the Cramps once famously asked, "What's inside a girl?" How do you respond? Usually a boy. That is the best answer to date. Okay, tell us a secret about the following famous people that only you would know. And if you don't have a secret, please make up something about them. First is Britney Spears, whom you doubled for in two videos. That she’s a really fantastic mom. Oh, and she loves to take it in the ass…..you go Brit!
That she’s not really a dog lover. Actually I have been to her Chihuahua fights…pretty bloody…GOOD SHIT. Debbie Rochon, who’s also in Hoodoo for Voodoo. That every time we get together she greets me my taking a bite out of my left ass cheek… it’s a lil' uncomfortable, and it bleeds a lot. Brad Dourif, your Hazing co-star. What can I say about Brad that everyone doesn’t’ already know?? Jeez, good question. Okay, how about Ron Jeremy, your co-star in Death Factory?
That he’s the father
of my child. |
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I believe that your child is the Second Coming. Or the Anti-Christ. One or the other. What about Brinke Stevens from Delta Die Delta!
Uhhh, I can’t talk about her.
The law suit and the restraining order
prevent me from doing so. He is a super nice guy, very talented, and an amazing director! Oh, and did I mention he has a really small dick? You did not, and I did not ask, but I appreciate your volunteering that information. Of all the outfits you've worn in your movies, which is the one you'd wear every day? Sleazegrinder and I vote for your space girl costume from The Hazing. I’m pretty fond of the space suit as well …actually I’m wearing it right now. This is exactly how I hoped this interview would play out. The black lace bra n panties from Nightmare Man is pretty rad too. You’ll get no argument from me there. |
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So I believe that the toy makers of the world have clearly blown a chance to make a mint by creating a Tiffany Shepis action figure. If you could do so, what action would the figure be able to perform, and what accessories would she come with? My action figure would have removable limbs (for easy access)…inflatable breasts (cause not every one is an assman). If you took off her hand off, out would grow a huge black spiked dildo (in case someone needed a good fuckin'). Oh, and of course she would have a wicked scream. I’m sorry… I think I lost my train of thought after you mentioned the dildo. Let me see… okay, as Bernie Casey says in I'm Gonna Get You, Sucka, "Every good hero needs a theme song." Since you're one of our heroes, what is your theme song? “Crazy Bitch” by Buckcherry. Shitty song but very true. Tiffany, how much is too much? More than two lumps of sugar in my coffee are too much. When was the last time you snatched victory from the jaws of defeat? Yesterday, when I tripped the fat kid when he was winning the race so the HOT bully could win instead. Good for you. If you could stalk anyone, who would it be, and why?
Ryan Seacrest, so I
can see what boy idols he makes suck him off to move up in the comp. My mom…awww. Very awww. What is the most evil thing you've ever done to someone who deserved it? Wow, that would be a very, very long list…..but my mama did teach me to NEVER confess, so sorry, peanut. No problem. We wanna stay in good standing with your mom. Tiffany, what is the key to your heart? And where exactly is it located? My heart or the key? Oh, shit, I don’t know. I don’t really do much thinking about these questions, and you shouldn’t either. You can win me over with a bottle of Ketel and a bad movie. Easy girl. Don’t get our hopes up like that. When they make the Tiffany Shepis biopic, who will play you? And give us explicit detail on the poster art and tagline. Who would play me? I guess it would have to be my daughter when she turns 14. I’ll let her write to you then to tell you the tag line and poster art. Cause after all, it will be her movie and cause I’m too lazy to think of something clever for you right now. That’s the kind of honesty we like in our interviews. So what's next for Tiffany Shepis? Starting work on a movie called Bryan Loves You next month -- it starts George Wendt (CHEERS!) Then shootin' some crazy slasher called Kanyons End… then hopefully working on another Kanefsky flick. He’s writing one right now where I will be playing a few different parts… should be fun. I will personally hold my breath until it comes out. So lastly, how can our socially well-adjusted readers pay homage to you with cards, letters, e-mails, and suspiciously damp packages? Damp packages…? Nice, it’s been a while since I’ve gotten one of those! Yeah. You can never really get enough of those. You can check out more of my stuff by going to www.tiffany-shepis.com. Or email me at tiffanyfan@tiffany-shepis.com. Excellent. Thank you, Tiffany, for making a sick little boy’s dreams come true. Thanks for thinking of me, baby… this was fun. -FIN-__________________________________________________________________________________ -Ultimate Degenerate PIX: Dave Wilbur
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There is a picture
out there in the great Internet netherworld which shows me alongside
Fangoria’s Ryan Rotten and special effects designer Spooky Dan, and
we’re all making like we’ve been caught in the middle of something that
approximates a group grope, complete with barely hidden hand gestures and
suitably shocked expressions. Now, we’re all professionals and straight
adult men, so who or what would get us to act like extras from Pink
Narcissus? Two words: Tiffany Shepis, who asked us to make like we’re
fondling each other after a screening of her latest film, Nightmare Man,
directed by her semi-regular collaborator, Rolfe Kanefsky (The Hazing,
There’s Nothing Out There). And you know what? We did it. Because
when Tiffany Shepis asks you to do something, only those without a pulse
or the recently lobotomized would refuse. And since I’m neither of those,
I’m not too proud to say that I heeded the lady’s request and made a grab
for Rotten’s package (this is hours after just meeting him, too).