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Eye Of The Tornado:
Cali Ford Interview |
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 Riding the funnel clouds at a perpendicular angle,
Cali Ford is bound to
storm the horror shelves near you without warning. Like a flash flood
issued by the National Weather Service, she is doused with a sexy energy
strong enough to cripple any wrestler and sweaty enough to slip out of
your fingers. If Morbid Angel or Survivor knew any better, they’d both
have songs or band names after her. She stands 6”2 in stilettos with
blonde hair and emerald eyes, and if doesn’t tickle your pecker, she also
is a comic book heroine. That is, if Deadger Allen Crowe is successfully
resurrected by Kitten Cadaver. With a deranged imagination of her very
own, she answered my most desirable questions about her acting, modeling
and illustrations. How I even found her is for me to know and you to
fondle over. We’re two extraordinarily separate individuals that have
three feverish fetishes in common: comic books, Hammer films/Italian
horror, and coincidentally she is the only other chick I’ve known besides
myself to write about sucking Satan’s soiled semen. My new best pal plus
Toledo is only an hour from Detroit. Not only to me, but she could be an
inspiration to any. Instead of incorporating herself with conformity,
she’d rather plunge her prosthetic tits in inappropriate clothing.
Surprisingly, I didn’t find C.O.C. on her fave metal fist list. She is
sinfully sexy and purely fucking evil. I would have said horny, but this
darling kitty isn’t dabbling in the sex industry. Born in Florida, she
mangled her way through barbwire fences to settle in Ohio. From there
nothing but brilliant bubbling concoctions have been brewing. Besides
longing to stab a deceased actress with an unborn baby, her vital
revolutionary role she is playing doesn’t require any acting, but a
vicarious mind too complex to be revealed by any~
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Sex kitten to Seductive Vixen- how did you get started in this whirl? My single-digit SAT scores and inability to do long division led me to the subsequent realization that I’d better buy some boobs and capitalize on my looks to get by in the world. Turn me onto all upcoming cinema or projects knocking down your door? Wow, there’s so much exciting stuff going on right now! *knocks on wood!* Cinema-levolence-wise, I’ll have the honor of appearing alongside Gunnar Hansen, Bill Moseley, Robert Englund, and Myron St. John, in Allied Horror’s new terror-ific tale of torture, The Demons 5. You can read the movie synopsis here, and check out their full website right here. Their plan is to be this generation’s Hammer Horror, which I think is so fabulous. You know - a genre-specific film studio that utilizes a core group of talent for all of its productions. (Like Hammer had Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, Ingrid Pitt, etc.) We need something like that to turn all of these boring present-day horror films on their asses and show them how it’s done. So it’s amazingly exciting to be part of something that revolutionary. |
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Into 80's slasher/gore ~ name a few? Oh great googly moogly… Horror, gore, and exploitation are the great loves of my life. There are too many amazingly disgusting and wonderful films to list, and I’m sure I’m forgetting some. But let’s see… Here are some very notable flicks, just off the top of my head. (Not just from the 80’s but earlier works of monstrous Magnus Opus, as well) The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1 & 2, The Shining, A Clockwork Orange, Mr. Sardonicus, The Terror, Night Must Fall, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, Nosferatu, White Zombie, The Collector, Peeping Tom, the Evil Dead trilogy, Dead Alive, Friday the 13th, Schramm, Creepshow, Zombie Hell House, The Coffin Joe series, Nekromantik (Guys, this movie… So seriously. INSTANT turn-on) Night of the Living |
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Dead, Suspiria, Faster Pussycat Kill
Kill, Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde with John Barrymore, Dr. Terror’s House of
Horrors, The Haunted Strangler, Soylent Green, I Bury the Living,
The Pit
and the Pendulum, Masque of the Red Death, The Picture of Dorian Gray,
Diary of a Madman, Zombie, all Hammer Horror, and anything with
Boris Karloff. And the list goes on and on… How did Cali Ford rise from the undead?Well, it wasn’t really my turn for reincarnation, but I give better head than Hitler, so Satan let me skip ahead in line. And ta-da! Here I am. Satan likes the deep-throat, you guys. Heh. That would make a good sticker, wouldn’t it? “Satan likes the deep-throat” in bold print and me kneeling next to an uber-cartoony devil with a cheesy smile on my face and a big thumbs-up. Who does your tattoos? I don’t have any tattoos; these are just reeaaaallly elaborate birthmarks. Is there anything that you can't do? (ex. cook, clean, drugs) Hmmm… Setting foot on consecrated ground has always given me a spot of trouble. _______________________________________________________________________________________ |
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Music that your into? Oh man, music is one of my passions. Above and beyond all else: Static-X. They’re totally my favorite band. Also, anything that Mike Patton touches is pure musical genius. Mr. Bungle, Fantomas, Faith No More, Tomahawk, etc… Also, Slipknot, Murderdolls, Front 242, KMFDM, Primus, Ministry, Prodigy, Rammstein, Type O Negative, Stone Temple Pilots, Stabbing Westward, The Misfits. I like it angry, hard, and fast, baby. Anything industrial and aggressive gets me all saddled up. What's you favorite leather store? Oh my… Noir Leather in Royal Oak, of course! Sinfully sexy clothes, plus they give me the “stripper discount” every time I go up there. Ever make your own clothes? All the time. I come from the Ed Gein School of Fashion. Would you have been ten times unhappier if you had just went with porn? Well, I think ANY job that includes the risk of Viral Pharyngitis is probably a bad idea. This same principle also applies to careers which could expose you to Mad Cow Disease and Necrotizing Fasciitis.. (editorial note~ not to mention the Mad Hatters) |
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What advice would you give a twelve yr old girl who was slashing up her
arms? Remember to slit from wrist to elbow. Shit or get off the pot, you know? Ever venture your words into philosophy or religion? Oh absolutely. I think my visage just screams “Cult Leader”, don’t you? I’d love to dig up Sharon Tate and stab her AGAIN. At last but not least what the hell are you doing in Ohio? I came looking for the Devil.
-Fin- |
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CALI FORD'S
INTERNET STRANGLEHOLD - |
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On the Cali Ford - Megalomaniac front, I launched my newest monstrosity on
Easter; my erotic horror website,
Kitten Cadaver’s Undead Fairy Tale is my first full-scale comic book
project. I’ve been drawing since I was little, but it was just random
pieces to horrify my teachers and scare priests. You know, lots of Rob
Zombie-esque ghouls and demons… That sort of thing. Nothing that I really
thought could carry it’s weight as a full-on comic book series.
But one day, waaaaaaaay back in July of 2001, my mind started to wander
(as it’s wont to do) and I sketched out a small picture of a young girl in
pink metallic gel pen. I’d always had this idea of starting a band called
Bloody Stump and going by the stage name of Kitten Cadaver. I would be
like this totally hot undead Sexkitten of a lead singer, you know? Wear
kitty cat ears onstage and the whole nine yards.