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Hard Cock, Stuntrock:
El Guapo Stuntteam |
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Pirates Of The Kerosene Islands, and
rock’s most dangerous men. With or without lighter fluid and electric,
El Guapo Stuntteam are still
flammable. Their onstage ruckus has been known to be equipped with
luchador masks, Gibson flying Vs, and a burning stuntman named Captain
Catastrophe. Cap’N does advise you to try this at home, under
the influence and with irresponsibility. Their explosive nature to turn
guitar riffs into dynamite sticks has gained them homeland notoriety. But,
the mere point you’re missing, is evil lies beneath the surface, so pay
equal respect to the pus inside of their blisters. “Hard cock, stuntrock,”
does not insinuate a circus, so skip the goddamn peanuts. They’ve advanced
faster in the past five years than most potty-trained rockers can. They’ve
recently cut there own video, “Battles Across The Stereo Spectrum,”
directed by an ultraviolet booze director, Toon Aerts, whose short
films includes, “Dialing The Devil” and “Destroy All Planets.”
“We watched Stunt rock (the 70’s rock movie about a stuntman) Wild Zero, Street Trash, Bad Taste, TCM 2 and lots of clips by Lightning Beatman, Guitar Wolf, and Van Halen for influence. We had a pretty good idea on how a video should look like.” |
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Banned by most bars and venues, damage deposits are a given. There spontaneous rock at demon speeds are due their ability to writhe each riff as fast as they drink. “We’ve been banned all over the place. The worst damage was when The Pits put up this tent at some festival for us to play in. Within the first song, the people went nuts and destroyed the tent and took our PA away. We drink anything Belgium, Dutch, German. No white or light shit. I want to try that PBR everyone says is good. (editor’s note-Poor Broke Rockers like any beer, for real) The best thing to do after a night of drinking and bringing tents down, is watch porn. Buttslammers is my favorite, and the older stuff with Traci, Seka, Hypatia Lee and Amber Lynn are just peachy.” In order to keep his cock and ‘65 Les Paul Gold Top in tune, Cedrock sleeps with his guitar between him and his woman. Magic Mitch Thundersticks most likely uses numb chucks to play drums, while their third guitarist is in another buck wild Belgium band, Bronco Billy. And all 500 third degree burns on Captain are completely conceived from his busted helmet, except for one. |
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“I stole the one where I crash through a burning table wrapped in barbwire from Jeff Clayton. I’m thinking of stealing more, but the sad thing is it’s all the folks come down for.” Little do those attention deficit whores (translated in Dutch as “Emo“) know the Guapos also have produced short films. Along with the wizard animation of Mitch, Captain and his brother, Cedrock, have made a couple of their own. “Uranus Attacks is about a flaming Martian raping a couple and then destroying shit. The second was called, The Rowdy Roddy Papshmir Show, a Jerry Springer spin-off involving a transsexual, naked Klansman, Mr. T and a horse. To make a long story short, after the naked klansman killed the transsexual, he gets raped by the horse while being beat to death by Mr. T. It all ends with a cumshot and blood squirting all over the place. Truly, classic entertainment for the whole family.” My first taste and mouth full of El Guapo Stuntteam was when I was nineteen. My ex, Rotten Pooter, had arrived back from a tour in Germany with them. My souvenir? A salty 12” of their first self title recording. Their muffled vocals stirred together with squealing feedback reminded me of Gibby Hanes on an angry coke binge. |
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“Rodney was the man that tour. Helluvah break dancer, too. Cedrock wanted to arm wrestle the singer, but his response, “You’ll lose!” “Get in touch, Hookers, all in good time!” - FIN -
http://www.elguapostuntteam.com
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-Smutstrutter |
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