With a penchant for ill-fitting, thrift
store drag, an uncanny knack for the perfect pop hook, a massive wall of
raunchy guitars, and Mike Trash's unmistakable punked-out Alice Cooper
snarl, The Erotics might very well be the sleaziest rock and roll band in
America. Their blazing new album, "All That Glitters is Dead", sounds like
Motley Crue if Nikki Sixx really did dig the Dead Boys instead of just
pretending to, and their kill-for-thrills live shows are things of
whispered legend. Maybe being banished to Albany, New York is some kind of
penance for sins past and present, or maybe they were just looking for a
cool, dark place to hide while they plotted and schemed their plans for
global debauchery. All I know is that The Erotics are as punk as you
possibly can be with a face full of smeared Revlon, and they are headed
this way. I tried to stall them for as long as I could, meeting up with 'em
in a dark alley and shooting dopey questions at Mike Trash and bass player
Billy Belaire.What's the dirtiest secret about Albany?
Mike: It's the first place the Rolling Stones played in the US.
That's not that dirty, really.
Billy: The State worker office girls in their navy business suits turn into alcohol loving groupie vampire sluts every Friday at 5pm.
What do you think you have more of in Albany, serial killers or glam rockers?
Mike: Definitely not glam rockers.
Billy: They both wear make-up sometimes, right? Maybe they're one and the same.
Who's got the most regrettable tattoos in the band?Mike: What makes you think I regret them?
Well, you've got one that says, "I'd fuck me. Would you fuck me?" I mean, did the tattoo guy try to talk you out of it? How do you even come up with an idea like that?
It's from "Silence of the Lambs", and no, he was actually the one who talked me into it.
What does your mom think of it?
I wear long sleeves on Mother's Day.
Why are people afraid of the Erotics? You've got one of the worst reputations in rock and roll, ya know.
Billy: We're harmless. We just do and say what we feel. Maybe some people get offended by that.
Mike: It's because we're real rock n roll. People tend to be afraid of that. Otherwise we would have been signed to a major label already.
You've been banned from a lot of venues...what were some of the offences?
Mike: It was just all typical rock star bullshit, ya know. Destroying gear...our own, by the way, so I don't understand why that would get us banned. Getting caught getting a blow job in the girl's room by the bouncer...we were banned at Valentines in Albany, and a club in Boston, which I won't mention.
Who'd win in a fight, the Erotics or Hanoi Rocks?
Mike: I dunno, man, let's schedule a showdown and find out. One thing on our side, we hang out with bikers.
That always helps. Hey, what's with writing a sex song about Helen Keller? That's pretty fucked up, man.
Mike: Think about it, man. You can do anything you want with Helen Keller.
Come to think of it, "Gas Chamber Barbie Doll" is pretty fucked up, too.
Billy: Listen, when you cut open an orange, what oozes out? Peanut butter? Milk? Do you know what I'm saying?
No. Let me make it easier- do you guys have groupies?
Billy: Yeah, and they come in all flavors, shapes and sizes.
Mike: Mostly chicks that have Porn Star potential, usually with tattoos.
Joan Jett or Lita Ford?
Billy: Oh, Joan Jett all the way, man. She rocks hard.
Mike: A threesome would be nice, but Joan doesn't like cock, does she? She's welcome to watch Lita and I get it on, though.
Would you rather fuck or drink?
Billy: Would you rather eat or breathe?
Good point. What's the stupidest thing you've said on stage?
Mike: "Wow, that opening band sucked!" That always goes over well.
Finally, how do the Erotics plan on saving rock and roll?
Mike: Can it be saved? We're just taking it for the last ride...